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News Roundup

Bad News

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So let’s waltz into the news, such as it is.


…


…but the real bad news came when he discovered that Amazon’s cheap medical plan didn’t cover heart attacks.


…because it stopped people from smoking, right?


…


…and:


…quelle surprise.


…because MAGA rallies always end in riots, looting and burning buildings, you see.


…thus answering the old question:  “If guns are banned, can we use swords?”


…I think we’ve all had orgasms like that at least once before.  And speaking of orgasms:


…LOL, Professor Reynolds.

And as for (non-linked) INSIGNIFICA:

   


…headline should read:  “BECAUSE I drive a Ferrari, I have to shop at Aldi, etc.”

And in that vein:

Also, to be politically correct, let’s not leave out our Asian models:

…and of course, a couple of token blacks:

Here endeth the news.

No More Gilbert

Tragedy

Gilbert Gottfried, one of my all-time favorite comedians, has died aged 67 (my age ATOW), from complications caused by muscular dystrophy.

There was and is nobody more cruel and nastier than Gilbert.  Here’s one example (and is VVNSFW).

And my favorite line of his, conducting an imaginary interview of Jackie Onassis:

“So… do remember what you were doing on the day..?”

I am SO going to miss him.  R.I.P.

The Real Thing

Good Stuff, Sports

Among many of my Readers, I know that their opinion of golf is that it takes up acreage better used for a shooting center.  However, after watching the 2022 Masters last week, something really fine happened.

A young guy named Scottie Scheffler emerged the champion, and here’s his story.

Even better, he and his pretty wife have been crowned as the world’s cutest couple:

Best of all?  (and this just has to stick in the media’s craw)

“It all goes back to my faith,” he said.  “The reason why I play golf is that I’m trying to glorify God and all that he’s done in my life.  So for me, my identity isn’t a golf score.  Like Meredith told me this morning, if you win this golf tournament today, if you lose this golf tournament by 10 shots, if you never win another golf tournament again she goes, I’m still going to love you, you’re still going to be the same person.”

God, humility and family.

Makes me tear up, it does.

Bedehr Gesocht

Funny Stuff, Men & Women

Alert Reader Mike M sends me this cheerful little piece:

A Florida man is facing criminal charges for alleged “lewd, indecent and obscene acts” aboard a Boston-bound flight.

Yeah, fine, whatever, Florida Man doing strange shit, nothing to see here, move along.  Until we read the very next sentence:

Donald Edward Robinson, 76, Bonita Springs, was arrested Sunday morning at Logan International Airport and charged by criminal complaint with one count of lewd, indecent and obscene acts.

Seventy-six years old?  Man deserves a medal, not prosecution.  Then further on:

Robinson is accused of masturbating and exposing his penis in front of a 21-year-old woman who was seated next to him.  The woman recorded a 24-second video clip of Robinson allegedly touching and manipulating his penis through his pants shortly after the flight took off, authorities said. Robinson allegedly then exposed his penis.  The woman tried to point Robinson out to a flight attendant after landing but was unable to point him out due to the number of people trying to exit the aircraft.  Security footage captured Robinson exiting the terminal.

Spoilsports.  As the title of this post indicates, we should all be so lucky to have such lascivious thoughts, so well past our threescore years and ten.