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Might Be Me

Culture

…this guy, that is; but it’s not, for two reasons: I have an alibi, and I wouldn’t be seen dead in Bristol.

This video shows a self-confessed ‘grammar vigilante’ who has been secretly correcting bad punctuation on signs and shop fronts in Bristol for the last 13 years.
By day the anonymous crusader is a highly-qualified professional with his secret known only to a handful of close family and friends.
But at night he becomes a shadowy figure who patrols the streets of Bristol, armed with his homemade ‘apostrophiser’ and purpose-built trestle.

Yes, I am a grammar Nazi like this guy. Worse than that, I am a grammar Nazi in several languages, especially in Latin, but more commonly in English.

Here’s an example of a typical Kim-the-grammar-Nazi rant:

Good grief, I hate accountant-speak (e.g. “…to 1.8% from 2.0%”).
In English (in which this report was written), we read from left to right, not to right from left; we go from point A to point B, not to B from A; we go from top to bottom, not to bottom from top; we run the gamut of emotions from A to Z, not to Z from A, and graphs (line and bar) also move from left to right along the x axis, not to right from left. (The basis for this construct is actually from the Latin idiom — “ab… ad…”, e.g. “ab terra ad astra”.)

And yes, if you look at the last sentence above, I put periods and commas outside quotation marks (where it’s not part of conversation), simply because that’s where they belong, and where all other punctuation can be found. Unless the comma or period is actually part of the quote, it should follow the quotation marks.

Observe this sentence:
The men were called “bullies,” “brutes,” “yobs,” and all other kinds of names.
Note how the quotation marks are awkwardly placed next to each other, and how the commas have no relevance to the words in quotes, which makes comprehension just a little more difficult and creates what I call a “cognitive speed-bump”. (See what I just did? The period ends the whole sentence and not the phrase, which is just part of the sentence.)
Now the sentence as it should be written:
The men were called “bullies”, “brutes”, “yobs” and all other kinds of names.
The commas are now in their proper role as separators, and not rootless nonentities drifting inside quotes.

Most American English grammar texts will differ from me and mark what I do as incorrect. I hate to say it, but I’m right and they’re wrong. Other than commas and periods, all other punctuation marks are written outside the quotes because they don’t belong inside; why should periods and commas be treated any differently? And that’s just my position on commas and periods; don’t even get me started on misspelled apostrophes. (“You mean apostrophe’s, Kim?”)

Grrrrr. Another reason I’m not the guy from Bristol is that there are no .45-caliber bullet-holes in those offensive signs. “Apostrophiser”? Bah.

 

Just Curious

General

I see that Amazon is facing an attack from the Usual Suspects who demand that they stop selling this Halloween costume.

But this isn’t about that, although I think it’s funny as hell (the protest, not the costume, which is kinda lame).

No, I’m curious to see if any of my Male Readers would be interested in getting one of these (my design and yes, I’ve trademarked it), which is guaranteed to trigger the LGBTOSTFU crowd:

Let me know, in Comments or by email, and I’ll get the thing rolling if the response is adequate.

 

 

Quotes From Disqus

Two-Minute Hate

On the topic of guns on college campuses, some foreign dipshit wrote:

“To my European-born mind, the idea of putting guns into the hands of the immature, excitable and perhaps alcohol-addled borders on madness.”

…to which I responded:

“And to my African-born mind, you’re full of shit. If 21-year-old college students are still that immature that they aren’t to be trusted with guns, perhaps we should raise the voting, driving and drinking age to 25.”

Someone was talking about Catholic schools, and that reminded me of a perennial thought:

“What I always enjoyed was Catholic schools using the Viking as a mascot for their sports teams. Talk about short memories…”

Finally, on the topic of “hydration”, someone was extolling the virtues of water, whereupon I commented:

“Last time I drank more than a mouthful of straight water was… actually, I can’t remember the last time I drank more than a mouthful of straight water. Yuck. Revolting stuff.”

My preferred method of ingesting water is when it’s in solid form and surrounded by Scotch or gin.

And now it’s time for my morning cuppa.

 

What The Hell?

Bad News

Okay, will somebody ‘splain to me why so many women are having sex with underage boys these days? Here’s one:

A British mother-of-three who performed a “dreadful catalog” of sex acts with underage boys was sentenced to seven years’ in prison on Friday. The court heard that Amanda Tompkins performed a ‘striptease’ and sexually abused the boys while her own children were inside the house. The 39-year-old was sentenced for 10 counts of physical and sexual abuse of six boys.
According to reports by the Mail Online and the Mirror, the court heard that Tompkins invited the group of boys between the ages of 13 and 15 to her home, furnishing them with marijuana and alcohol, before engaging them in oral sex and full-on intercourse. She also told one of the boys that he’d gotten her pregnant and that she needed an abortion.

Really? And then there’s this priceless princess:

A young teacher has been criminally charged with having sex multiple times with a 15-year-old student – and may be pregnant by him. Katherine Ruth Harper, 27, was arrested in Denton County, Texas, after the boy told police about their alleged relationship.
…
A police arrest warrant says she sent naked photos to the boy and drove to his house where she plied him with alcohol and engaged him in sexual congress.
The warrant includes the boy’s explicit description of one sexual encounter: “One thing led to another and she told me to ‘put it in’ and I did,” he said.
Harper allegedly taught the boy when he was younger, but he later moved schools.
The warrant claims the lovers repeatedly had sexual intercourse during the 2016 summer vacation.
Their amorous relationship allegedly ran from the beginning of July and ended on July 31st – eight months ago.
Harper is now eight months pregnant – though the legal documents do not comment on the child’s paternity.
…
She has been charged with conducting an improper relationship between an educator and student – a second-degree felony which carried a maximum punishment of 20 years in prison.

Now I have to admit that in the past I was one of those “Where were these teachers when I was in school?” guys. But there’s something deeply disturbing about older women giving young boys booze and drugs, then having it off with them.

What angers me the most about these cases is that so few of these women get serious jail time — in fact, they generally escape with suspended sentences. And we all know that if the roles were reversed and it was older men doing the same with underage girls, there’d be strident calls from womyns and feministicals for castration or worse.

Here’s the thing: in this country, the law should apply equally to everybody, regardless of race, creed, color or gender. In fact, that’s actually what the U.S. Code states. Except that women in the last category are getting away with it. (The British bitch in the first snippet is only going to get seven years in prison, because Britain. I bet she gets sprung after one or two.)

Back in the U.S., I won’t be happy until tarts like the Harper woman in the second snippet actually get twenty-year sentences, and serve most of them. Because this is bullshit.

But I’m still trying to see what motivates these women to do what they do because honestly, I’m stumped.

My Real Hero

Culture

From last week’s post about well-dressed men (or rather, men who dress like slobs), I don’t want anyone to think that Don Draper is any kind of hero to me, other than as it pertains to his clothes.

My real hero in the Mad Men series would have to be Roger Sterling, he of the peerless quips and observations, and serial seducer and womaniser, a sublime mixture of sophistication and dissolution. How could you not be in awe of a man who says things like: “I like redheads; their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk” and  “Have another [drink]. It’s 9:30, for God’s sake.”

I never wish that I could be another man; but if I did, it would be Roger: utterly charming, cynical and right, every time. And even when he knows he’s about to make a catastrophic mistake (e.g. marry a much-younger woman), he just shrugs and does it anyway, fully aware of the consequences.

“Have a drink. It’ll make me look younger.”

Every single woman I’ve ever spoken to about Roger Sterling thinks he’s an utter bastard. And every single one of them admitted they’d probably let him have his way with them anyway. We mere mortals can only aspire to such greatness.

And for those Readers who wanted to see Joan Holloway, here ya go:

And Roger’s comment: “Has anyone even seen this baby, with you walking next to him?”

 

Dept. of Righteous Shootings

Righteous Shootings

As I’ve said earlier, I have little interest in firing up old themes in this, the latest incarnation of my rants and scribblings.

However.

When I see joyous news snippets like this one, I have no alternative but to announce the return of the Department of Righteous Shootings, wherein I catalog the efforts of private, law-abiding citizens to drain the gene pool of miserable criminal scumbags. Here’s the latest:

Authorities in Oklahoma are investigating after a man armed with an AR-15 opened fire on three intruders who forced their way into his mother’s Broken Arrow home Monday afternoon.

According to the Wagoner County Sheriff’s Office, the three suspects were pronounced dead at the scene and a fourth suspect, who acted as the getaway driver, is now in police custody.

Three shots fired, three goblins dead. Somebody buy Our Hero a marksmanship badge.

But that’s not the best report out of this little comedy. Try this one:

The grandfather of one of the three armed home invaders who were shot and killed breaking into a home in Broken Arrow (OK) earlier this week laments that the resident’s AR-15 carbine wasn’t fair against the knife and brass knuckles carried by the mask-wearing criminals.

You can all stop that unseemly laughing now. No… on second thoughts, carry on.

Dead Goblin Count: 3