Category: Funny Stuff

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

GET OUT OF BED IT’S MONDAY YOU ASSHOLE !!!!!

That’s the message from your alarm clock, anyway.

So start laughing NOW !!!

Y’all can call them “actresses”, as long as it’s in the traditional sense.  And speaking of which:

And this probably describes Mondays as well as anything:

And speaking of sunny days, it’s (finally) starting to cool down in North Texas, which is a Good Thing.  On the other hand, cooler weather means fewer sightings of Daisy Dukes, so here are a few to keep us going till the spring.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Today is not quite as bad as the usual Monday, because it’s New Wife’s ___ birthday.

Wish her well in Comments, if you’d like.

In the meantime, let’s move on with our regular programming because for everyone else, it’s still Monday morning:

So here we go:

And speaking of which:

Serve him right for buying H&K.

And for some good news:

…and shopping:

No get out there and do your shopping.  Here’s the countdown.

A Triumph For Feminism

Crime, Feminazis, Law and Order, Men & Women

Let’s see:  because #feminismrules, you assign a female guard to an all-men’s prison.  What could possibly go wrong?

Quite a lot, apparently.

Lauren McIntyre, 32, is accused of having a sexual relationship with convicted double murderer Andrew Roberts over a four-month period at HMP Isle of Wight, Metro reported.
Prison guard McIntyre — believed to be a mother-of-two— is accused of willfully and without reasonable excuse or justification misconducting herself in a way which amounted to an abuse of the public’s trust in the office holder because she had secret sex with murderer Roberts.

And the choirboy?

Roberts was convicted of strangling girlfriend Louise L’Homme, 23, and their eight-month-old daughter at the home they shared in 2003. He is serving a life term in prison.

This is what happens when you mix men and women together in a closed environment.  (And for the benefit of the dense:  whether it’s in a prison, a co-ed campus dormitory or on board a Navy ship, they’re gonna have sex.)  ‘Twas ever thus, and no amount of Feministical Theory or Woeful Handwringing will prevent it.

In the old days, prison guards were called “screws”.  Nowadays, that nickname seems to have a whole different meaning, dunnit?

Chart-Toppers

Funny Stuff

Every so often, something is said or written that deserves to be memorialized in stone.  Since the start of the new millennium, I’ve identified two — one from each decade — that I think are the best.

2001 – 2010:  “Democracy — Whisky — Sexy”  (Iraq)
There is no better encapsulation of the benefits of Western society.

2011 – 2020:  “Don’t Trust China — China Is Asshole”  (Hong Kong)
Six words that can (and should) direct U.S. foreign and domestic policy, forever.

That both were written on signs displayed by foreigners means that we need to up our game.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Aaaaargh…

I hate being woken up by the alarm clock on Monday mornings.

So to give me time to pick up all the pieces off the floor, a little of Teh Funny:

Sounds okay.  And on that topic, a few women who may or may not be intoxicated:

Right… time for that second gin.  It’s Monday, remember?

3 Inexplicable Things

3 Inexplicable Things

Welcome to a new feature on this here blog, which will look at why strange things happen (or don’t happen) in various categories.  Today:

3 Inexplicable Things About Figure Skating

1.  Even though Jayne Torvill was kinda plain-looking and had a dorky hairstyle, most men would still have bonked her if given the chance.

 

2.  Gay men participate in the activity.

3.  This move hasn’t ever resulted in any sexual harassment cases:

(As my friend Patterson once put it:  “Grab her box and you’re a piggish bastard.  Strap on some skates first and all of a sudden it’s ART.”)

More inexplicable things to follow, as I see them.

Feel free to leave your own contributions in Comments, but restrict them to figure skating.  Violations will be deleted.