Category: Funny Stuff

Different Solution

Freaks & Loonies

I spoke last week about one solution to this problem (i.e., throwing the filthy scum off Waterloo Bridge).  However, as a couple of observant Readers told me, there’s a problem:  shit floats, and so there won’t be an adequate mortality rate.

So let’s ratchet the thing up a tad, shall we?  And will anyone be surprised that my next solution to the scum-in-the-streets issue comes from yesteryear?  Oh yes, it does:

It’s called the Sherman “Crab”, from WWII, and here’s what it looks like in action:

Imagine a few of these bad boys employed against this lot:

Try not to giggle like a little girl.

Next week, we’ll be looking at the Angry Bee Solution (developed by Your Humble Host).

Scaring The Neighbors

Drive Time, Funny Stuff, The Gun Thing

At my advanced age and concomitantly-advanced skepticism, it’s not often that something has the power to cause roars of laughter of a volume sufficient for the neighbors to call apartment management to check in case I was injured or violently ill or something.  Reader Gwalchmai sent me this article via email, and I would caution you all to read it in a secluded spot, lest your laughter cause similar mayhem.

A (very) brief sample:

For the wilder Microturbo Thrust unit, advertising claimed for the model T-16-A Formula J Thrust Engine an additional 1,980 hp was at your fingertips. In reality a small rocket-thrust engine, once ignited, hot gases were instantaneously unleashed, spinning small turbine blades in the housing, with an optional turbine wheel available to create “spectacular flaming night runs,” according to Turbonique hype. This option was for those needing more sensorial input than the shockwave of 600-psi ignited rocket fuel slammed into a 100,000-rpm Inconel orb—all taking place right behind your head, as you glide an inch or two off the ground.
The snail-looking device, with what looked like a child’s bicycle horn protruding from one end, came with “easy to follow installation and operating instructions.” We assume the operating instructions were basically, “Don’t do it!” As for the bicycle horns, those were aluminum nozzles used by NASA in space. They were just for publicity, and in actual use would have melted in seconds.

And it gets better, when instances of “actual use” are described.

Now, in similar spirit, allow me to show a prototype cartridge I’m working on:  the .750 Kimbo self-defense cartridge* (shown with a .357 Mag cartridge to provide scale):

Manly men only need apply.  Even Ken Barrett took one look and went pale, as did the guys at Magnum Research.  Someone at Taurus apparently committed suicide when they saw the photo, and Smith & Wesson responded in the negative, via their attorneys.  Ruger called it “interesting”, but that’s all.

Only the folks at Bond Arms thought it looked “cool”, and are thinking of including a Derringer thus chambered in their 2020 catalog. Read more

News Recap

Entertainment, Funny Stuff

…in which I summarize snippets of news that I couldn’t be bothered to spend more time over.

  1. Disney Corporation reinstates some director I’ve never heard of to make a movie I’m never going to see — yeah, whatever.  Falling tree, meet forest.
  2. Gummint assholes make a guy park somewhere else and try to destroy his business because his bumper sticker hurt their feewings — actually, his bumper sticker (Black Rifles Matter) simultaneously satirizes an anarcho-racist movement and makes a pro-Constitutional freedom statement.  Anyone know where I can get one?
  3. Piers Morgan talks a load of bullshit (again) — I know, not really news.  [totally unnecessary warning:  link contains Piers Morgan]
  4. Chelsea Clinton accused of  helping incite New Zealand massacre — you couldn’t cut irony this thick with a chainsaw.
  5. Senator Elizabeth Warren (1/1024 part-Cherokee) has no sympathy for parents who attempted to corrupt the college admissions process — where can I get my chainsaw sharpened?
  6. The French are revolting (again) — there’s only one answer to all this for granny-grabbing FrogPM Macron:  ban the weekend!  And finally:
  7. Kids skip classes (but for a “good cause”) — creates two (largely rhetorical) questions:  1) given how totally shit the public school system is (regardless of country), was this absence actually a better thing for the kids? and 2) will this mass walkout actually achieve anything concrete in affecting “climate change”?  (All those who attempted to answer “yes” to the latter question, put on the Dunce cap and go stand in the corner.)

Cartoon of the week (via Insty, thence Power Line):

Think of it as visual evidence of this thesis.