“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Dr. Kim,

“My wife, 64, is a kind woman but never enjoyed sex. To her, it was an unpleasant task, necessary for procreating. Once our children — now 34 and 32 — had been born, our sex life disappeared to nothing.

“I love my wife, and we get along as friends, so I accepted this as my lot in life. But I missed intimacy and feeling loved, the warmth of a woman’s body against mine.

“Then I met a much younger woman (31) at a work conference. At first, I couldn’t believe a beautiful young woman would be interested in an old man like me (I’m 64), and we began a passionate affair.

“The love-making is so incredible that I’m desperate to leave home and marry my lover — but I’m old enough to be her father. Despite being 30 years my junior, she has taught me so much about sex — positions I’d never imagined trying, using sex toys and talking dirty.  These are things my wife wouldn’t have dreamed of doing and I can’t get enough of it.

“We have been sleeping together for almost a year. After three decades without a sex life, I am finally feeling fulfilled. 

“I thought she was scamming me or using me for money. But she said she found my intellect a huge turn-on.

“I am sure my wife suspects that I am having an affair but I don’t think she cares.

“Would it be wrong of me to leave her and seek some happiness with my lover?”

— Drowning In Sex

Dear Drowning,

Yes, it would, and here’s why.

From what I can see, what’s holding you and Miss Hotty Totty together is lust and (in her case) being with someone more mature than the snowflakes of her own age group.  This is not altogether a Bad Thing, of course (many relationships are based on far flimsier a foundation), but there are some realities you need to face.

In a couple-three years’ time, your dick is going to stop working.  Not your fault, it’s just a sad consequence of male physiology.  You can pop the Blessed Woody Pill all you want, but after a while it too will no longer be able to coax any interest from your drooping phallus, and you’ll be left with Custer’s Last Stand, so to speak.

In ten years’ time, you’ll be 74 — and if you’re like most other men, decrepitude will have set in, your brain will start to slow and you’ll be spending most of your time shouting at seagulls.

At this point in time, Miss Hotty Totty will be 40.  Here’s a sample picture of a 40-year-old woman:

That’s actress Ruth Wilson.  Do you think a woman like that will be wanting to push you around in a wheelchair for the next five or so years?  And that’s not even the worst part;  this is:

Ruth Wilson ‘thinks about having a baby every day’.

Yup.  Unless Miss Hotty Totty has already popped a sprog or two (you didn’t say, but I’m guessing not), her little breeding clock is going to start clanging in her ears (and therefore yours too) like the bells of St. Mary’s.  Do you really want to be a daddy again at age 67?

Okay, here’s my advice.

  1. Get a vasectomy, ASAP.  Wank at least once a day for a week (to flush the remaining swimmers out of the tubes) before resumption of the extramarital bonking.
  2. Keep things going with Miss Hotty Totty and bonk away till your dick fails.
  3. Try to be discreet about the bonking, and keep this from your wife.  I suspect that as long as you don’t throw it in her face, she’ll deal with it, as women so often seem to do.
  4. Accept that your May-November relationship is only a temporary (albeit fine) thing.  Be a grownup.
  5. If Miss Hotty Totty starts making noises about a “family”, tell her about the vasectomy.

Do all those things, and when it all ends, as it will, at least it won’t end catastrophically.  Unless your wife stabs you to death.

11 comments

  1. My qualifications to comment:
    I’m about 80;
    wife’s only a couple years younger;
    been married since the ’60s;
    I know the ravages of age;
    I haven’t done the extracurricular girlfriend thing yet.

    With those qualifications (and one glaring deficiency), I wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Kim.

  2. I agree with Dr Kim.

    I am about halfway through the flaccid years and thinking about some wood pills as my wife is still pretty and frisky as well.

    Course she nags like a broken record but that is a different problem.

  3. You are a smart man, Dr. Kim. God was cruel to old men when he made them with a mind that still remembers sex, but without the equipment to carry through.

  4. What about the STD’s or worse?
    I’ve never been a lucky person, nor do I like (ribbed?) party balloons.

  5. When sex goes out the door, love goes out the window. There is no longer any reason to stay married. If an old couple both want the companionship, fine. But if one wants it and the other isn’t even prepared to try, sex is a fundamental human need like food, water and oxygen. The randy one is perfectly entitled to seek it elsewhere. The second part of the question is, should he leave his frigid wife? Why on earth not? In ten years the odds are about even that he won’t even be alive. Prudence means giving up present pleasure for continued or greater pleasure later. That later isn’t going to happen. If in time she does run off with a younger man, so what? She’s not the Last Chance Saloon. There are other women. It’s all about measuring your life in Quality of Life Years. Ten fucking awful years do not begin to compensate for one fucking incredible year.

  6. Good lord.

    Only one reason for a 31 year old woman to go at a 64 year old man – she’s bugshit crazy.

    That said, keep it to yourself. It’ll be a smile on your face your wife doesn’t understand (or maybe she does). And don’t do stupid shit and make it obvious.

    Leave the wife, your life will blow apart, and the crazy chick will move on. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this happen. It never has a happy ending. At his age it ends with being dead broke divorce raped.

  7. Dr. Kim,
    A variation of the question-what if said hotty was a 55 to 70-year-old Carol Vorderman type? Would your advise still be the same? See me smiling!

  8. “I thought she was scamming me or using me for money. But she said she found my intellect a huge turn-on.”
    Seriously? Have we learned nothing from the esteemed Dr Kim over the years? Its always about the money, and there’s nothing wrong with that if you have the disposable income to afford it. There are layers and layers here below all that. We men are fools that way, but obviously the wife is the bigger fool for failing in the very basic necessity of a marriage bond.

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