A Christmas Story

Friends and Family, Funny Stuff

Longtime Friend&Reader Dave L. shares this tale from his youth:

I left Uncle Sam’s Navy in July of 1974. The economy was a little shaky back in those days and I was struggling to find bean and beer money. I picked up a part time gig in a local photo store. We sold some fairly high end new and used hardware – Nikons, Leicas etc and did the usual photo processing back in the days before digital photography. I might share some of those stories with you but that’s for another time. The point of today’s note is to talk about the music that played in the store.

Our Jewish boss wanted to create a “festive” Christmas atmosphere and he played a continuous loop of holiday music over the PA system. Unfortunately, his play list was only about 45 minutes long so we got to hear the same songs about 8 to 10 times during the course of a work day. You know me as a person of faith and I really love Christmas and the music associated with the holiday, but my love and patience were sorely tested by hearing “The Little Drummer Boy” ten times a day six days a week. If I hadn’t needed the money I would have run screaming out of the shop at chorus number eight or nine of “Pa rum pum pum pum”.

Even today, almost fifty years later, hearing the Little Drummer Boy will make me sweat and shout out “D-Day. Normandy. June Sixth. Eisenhower!”

Wait:  Eisenhower?

[exit, giggling helpessly]

17 comments

  1. I spent 25 years working for a major retailer who every year tried their d*mndest to not play anything remotely considered to have religious undertones during the Christmas season. Songs I would have loved to hear while working a 10-hour shift were absolutely banned, lest someone be offended. Sadly, the corporate approved playlist included about eighteen titles, so it was not uncommon to hear the same title by two dozen artists over the course of a day.

      1. I heard that “D Day” line years back as a way of saying the torture was so bad I’d tell them anything they wanted they wanted to know if, in this case, they stopped playing the stupid Drummer Boy song. That’s my story and your interpretation may vary. Its all fun.

  3. Some years ago I was buying myself a little Christmas present. A cordless long-distance hole-puncher, you might say. Anyway, there I was at Fleet Farm (those who know, know) filling out the wretched, damnable paperwork when I noticed that the background music playing at the time was “It’s The most Wonderful Tiiiiiiiiiiiiime of the Yeeeeeeeeeeeear” (*spit*). I’m not sure who sings it but it sounded like the guy who did “Born Free” (also *spit*). I muttered “Ugh, I hate this song.” The eyes of the cougar-ish lady behind the counter went all saucer-y and she growled “I HATE THEM ALL!” I didn’t say anything, but I hope she considered moving out of sporting goods to the automotive section.

  4. I miss hearing the old carols. But too much of a good thing.

    Instead, every time I hear “Santa Baby” or “I want a Hippopotamus” I break out in hives. To avoid any religious overtones we get to hear looped garbage of the worst sort.

    Hell play Joy to the World, followed by the Dreidel song. At least you’d be trying.

        1. Usually not, but sometimes their synapses fire in order and they express their stone-aged values in a manner more dangerous to others.

  5. Yup. Been ther. Done that. Not only in retail customer service, but I also worked in a factory that found some radio station that played nothing but Christmas tunes from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Once in a while I’d find myself in a spot that was far enough from a speaker that the machinery drowned the stuff out. Blessed few minutes of relief.

    I got to the point where, if I heard Little Drummer Boy, I’d think “Ya like that would ever happen – little kid with a drum , near a baby.” In reality he’d have bashed on that drum with no rhythm, woken the baby Jesus. Mary would look daggers at Joseph for letting the kid in while she tried to get a screaming Jesus calmed. And Joseph would have to drag the kid away, kicking his drum down the street saying “and don’t come back!”

    The only “Christmas song” I hate worse than that is Elvis’s Blue Christmas. How did that musical abortion ever get released? Is it my ear, or are the background singers completely out of tune? [Never liked Elvis anyway.]

    1. Mel Blanc’s cover of that song as Porky Pig is pretty good, and not yet played to death. Of course, if it gains any popularity it would be deemed insulting and hurtful to people with speech impediments.

        1. Another I like is “There’s a funny fat man in a silly red suit stuck in the smokehole of our Tipi.”

      2. Not so much for the hurtful to the speech-impedimented, but for the disrespect for Tha Kanng.
        There is no dignity in being beaten to death by a bunch of blue-haired old ladies.

  6. since I connected my phone to the truck I rarely listen to the radio anymore. I listen to music on playlists I create or I listen to podcasts.

    There was a station I listened to in the mid 90s that I could tell time within 10 minutes due to the song being played. It was dreadful and that was regular season music.

    JQ

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