34 comments

    1. My dog mugged a cop with a pocket full of treats. Funny thing is she had a Belgian malinois with her who was totally OK with the episode.

  1. ….steadfast defenders respond to the autumnal wave of vicious chipmunks infesting parked vehicles…
    .

  2. Despite watching all the Harry Potter movies dozens of times, Officer Bob never could seem to get his wand to work.

    1. In that vein: “Wizard-Sergeant Francis Goodbadge learned that the new telescoping wand from Ollivanders worked well against dragons and ogres, but was utterly useless against the Standard American Junkyard Dog.”

  3. #4. Woman cuts off unfaithful husbands penis and feeds it to the dogs. Cops encourage dogs whilst unfaithful husband looks on

  4. After hearing admonishments against the so-called phenomena of ‘cross-threading’, the LawEnforcementOfficials known to their colleagues as ‘Ebony’ and ‘Ivory’ enjoy their first morning on mandatory ‘Community-Oriented Policing’ duty.

    And I think we can all agree — Rex has an impressive set of nads!

  5. While Lexie enjoys chewing the occasional bumper, her submissive posture inflamed the passions of her ‘life-partner’ Rex… who preferred his chew-toys to have a more ‘juicy’ texture.

    And I think we can all agree — Rex certainly has an impressive ‘set’!

  6. Paired early in their respective careers, the ‘twin’ LawEnforcementOfficials known to their colleagues as ‘Ebony’ and ‘Ivory’, because of their sweet gentle nature, enjoy some quality ‘bonding’ time.

    And I think we can all agree — Rex has enough testosterone to share!

  7. With rioters destroying so many Ford Motor Company vehicles during this phase of this Economic Lock-Down, is this a good time to invest in Ford Motor Company stock?

    And I think we can all agree — Rex is ‘ballish’ about investing!

  8. During their early experiments with the so-called phenomena of ‘cross-threading’, the LawEnforcementOfficials known to their colleagues as ‘Ebony’ and ‘Ivory’ were too shy, too modest, to remove their clothing because ‘somebody might see’.

    And I think we can all agree — Rex has no problem with clothing getting in the way of flaunting his magnificent ‘apparatus’!

  9. Rex and Lexie were not impressed by the tiny hub-caps on the LawEnforcementOfficials’ vehicle.

    And I think we can all agree — there is nothing ‘tiny’ about Rex!

  10. Although stymied by their short yet impressively-muscled legs, Rex and Lexie dearly longed for the seductive treats awaiting them on the vehicle ‘bonnet’ (our south-of-the-border amigos use the term ‘sombrero’…).

    And I think we can all agree — of the two, Rex will probably be first to demolish the vehicle’s front-mounted obstacles known as ‘pedestrian encouragement devices’. Because brass.

  11. Rex and Lexie were not impressed by the bright shiny badges of the LawEnforcementOfficials.
    They knew, as all good canines know, after a vigorous chewing, such baubles easily pass through the digestive tract.

    And I think we can all agree — Rex looks ready to evacuate some badges right now!

  12. Tragically, nothing in TheAcademy prepared low-quarters* wearing freshly-minted LawEnforcementOfficials ‘Ebony’ and ‘Ivory’ for a ‘high-quarters’ event.

    And I think we can all agree — Rex has no problem with either low- or high-quarters…. because big-uns transcend such wardrobe trivialities!
    .
    .
    Footnotes:
    * the term ‘low-quarters’ refers to short-top or ‘fancy-dress’ shoes not intended for rough service such as maintaining traction on a vehicle sombrero.

  13. Just prior to engaging in some friendly ‘cross-threading’, LawEnforcementOfficial ‘Ivory’ performs the obligatory ‘buns’ posture to inflame the passions of his intended, as LawEnforcementOfficial ‘Ebony’ gazes at the objects of his carnal desires with increasingly increasing interest.

    And I think we can all agree — perfessional cross-threaders Rex and Lexie are both a good audience and excellent role-models, following in the footsteps of their teacher Testicleez!

  14. Both LawEnforcementOfficials ‘Ebony’ and ‘Ivory’ wear their hair ‘high-n-tight’.

    And I think we can all agree — Rex wears his ‘high-n-tight’, too!

  15. Join the K-9 unit, they said. Nice, easy work just riding around all day with a cute doggo, they said. Bastards!

  16. During a small teste of working together, freshly-minted LawEnforcementOfficials ‘Ebony’ and ‘Ivory’ pass with flying colors.

    And I think we can all agree — our proctor Rex is the gold standard in testes!

  17. “A photograph, taken by a motorist yesterday which has now gone viral, shows Officer Barney Fife III of the Mayberry Police Department confronting two unarmed passers-by of color just seconds before the officer apparently murdered one of the passers-by.

    Only one shot was fired.

    The small town is still reeling after community activists last night burned down a local gas station, a pharmacy, the famous ‘Aunt B’s Boarding House,’ and Ron Howard’s birthplace during a mostly peaceful protest.”

    “This is CNN.”

  18. “Hey Rex, I don’t believe these idiots let us catch their car!”
    “I told you you just got to show them you got some balls!”

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