5 Worst Headlines Never Seen Before Now

…a.k.a.  “Apocalypse Soon”, and ranked towards the ultimate in creepy awfulness:

  • 60-year-old man comes out as gay, declares his love for daughter’s ex-husband;
  • Influencer, 35, marries her 20-year-old stepson after divorcing his father;
  • “My son cut me off completely after I had amazing sex with his teenage pal”;
  • Woman files for divorce after marrying herself two years earlier;  and
  • Wife cuts off unfaithful husband’s penis, feeds it to dog.

Now, to add to the unspeakable dreadfulness that is Our Brave New World:  only one of the above is fictitious.

Your guess in Comments as to which.  Only one per Reader.


  1. #4. That would imply that the woman had recovered her sanity. Besides, the government wouldn’t have recognized the marriage in the first place so there is no place to file for divorce.

    1. that’s my guess. a woman who marries herself is too narcissistic to ever let herself go.

  2. I’m going with the 60 year old gay guy.

    I know two of them are real, saw the headlines. So, process of elimination and some guesswork.

  3. I’ll side with richard: the license clerk would have shooed her away from the counter.

  4. The woman divorcing herself is the fake one. The rest are todays headlines through and through.

  5. I vote for the divorce headline, too. The others? These are what Heinlein referred to as “The Crazy Years.”

  6. They’re all pretty believable in this day and age but I’ve got to go with:

    Woman files for divorce after marrying herself two years earlier

    The ONLY person to make out in this mess would be the lawyer and I’ve got to imagine there are some things even a lawyer wouldn’t do.

  7. Remembering Lorena Bobbitt who waited for John Wayne Bobbit to go to sleep and removed his penis.

    Maybe the story went something like her throwing it out of the car window and it hit the windshield of a passing car. The driver was shocked, looked over at his wife and asked her, “did you see the size of the dick on that bug we just hit?”

    Okay, it might not have happened that way but the penis was recovered and sewn back on to its owner; so with that in mind it is completely within today’s [un]reality that someone could very well have fed their dog a penis.

    The fake one is, “Woman files for divorce after marrying herself two years earlier'”

  8. My guess is #3 “My son cut me off completely after I had amazing sex with his teenage pal”

    I know it is possible, but not probable in my opinion.

  9. only because it sounds the most likely, I’ll vote for numero uno.
    I think I’ve read about all the others at one time or another

  10. I’m guessing it’s the woman that divorced herself. I don’t doubt that she married herself, that’s just insane enough to be true. But she would always be so contented with her “partner” that divorce would be unthinkable.

  11. Given these times of defining deviancy down, and that you peruse Brit tabloids, I’d guess they’re all for real.

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