In ascending order of awfulness:
- Yellowstone Caldera To Erupt At Noon Eastern
- Biden Already Planning 2024 Reelection Campaign
- Most People Fleeing New York Plan To Settle In Texas
- Kamala Harris-Willie Brown Sex Video Leaked On PornHub
- Piers Morgan Applies For U.S. Citizenship
Your suggestions in Comments — but they’d better be worse than all the above.