Seen At The Carwash

I never read celebrity trash [some overlap]  magazines unless I’m in a waiting room and there’s nothing else to read except for magazines that will make me grow breasts just by touching them.  And even then, I page quickly through crap like People, Us and Entertainment Weekly, playing a game with myself as to how few of the “celebrities” I can actually recognize.  (My current score is roughly 5%, and that only because some 70s musicians occasionally make the presses, see below.)

A couple of days ago I was waiting for the Mexicans to finish cleaning my car, and the only magazine to read was (I think) People, and I thought I’d share just a couple samples of their fare:

“I’ve never given 60 seconds of my life to those Housewives of Blah Blah and the Kardashians.  I don’t know their names.”  — Jon Bon Jovi

Me neither.  Well, to be honest, I do know some of the Kardashian coven (Kim, Kris and Kunty), but that’s about it.  But thankfully, all the “real” housewives are a complete blank to me.

Then there is a feature called “5 Things We’re Talking About“… oy.  Here are a couple examples:

1 )  Prince George is taking ballet lessons.  And according to his dad William, “he loves it”.  These, lest we forget, are the two future kings of Great Britain, King Gormless I and the Gay-King Georgie-Boy.  How special.

3 )  Some Australian billionaire is funding the building of a complete replica of the Titanic, only with (and I quote), “more lifeboats and modern navigation equipment”.  Just to be on the safe side, the new Titanic should still operate only in the Southern Pacific because of you-know-what.

There was more, oh so much more, but then Ricardo called out that my car was all done.  Boy, was it ever — it looked brand new.

I gave him a good tip*.  I told him never to read People magazine.  He’ll thank me for it one day.

*Also $10.  He did a great job.



  1. It’s not infrequent that I get the urge, while standing in the checkout line, to grab the disposable lighters invariably hanging next to the trash mags and light them up. Man, would that feel good, at least until they hauled me away.

  2. Here is a game to try while in a waiting room.

    Pick up any magazine – People, Time, Golf Digest – any of them. Then open randomly to any page and try to get a page with NO ads on it.

    It’s not 100% impossible, but it’s near enough. The damn mags should be free. (I guess in a waiting room, they are.)

  3. When I’m in the grocery check-out line, I look at the covers to see how many of those people I recognize or ever heard of. Usually well below 50%.

  4. I play a similar game, how many pages can I turn before I recognize anyone…… even then I dont spend anytime actually reading it.

  5. It’s a fricking freak show, the other day at my doc’s office in San Antonio I saw some sort of a men’s fashion magazine that must have been meant for alternative lifestyle people. The scrawny men with tattoos in skinny pants and other strange stuff was being presented as fashion, I thought it was a joke until I saw actual high end watch and accessory brand names being advertised. What the heck kind of world do we live in?

    Other doc’s in my part of Texas out from San Antonio are more realistic with hunting, fishing and gun magazines in their waiting rooms, along with off road and motorcycles, stuff that real human men like to read.

  6. The part about the complete rebuild of the Titantic is financial madness.

    Firstly, the TMS Titantic and her sister ships, the Olympic and the Britaninic, were LINERS. Not cruis ships. They where transport of the age before the airlines. And if you think flying coach sucks, try crossing the Atlantic spending a couple weeks in steerage.

    Secondly, building on the notion of the “liner” there would be no room for enough staterooms that the people of today would spend any time in. So steerage would be replaced with modern cabins. Not exactly a replica any more is it? Also if you want any passengers you would have to put a big swimming pool and one if those water jet surfboard rides. The Titantic didn’t have one of those.

    Third, the steel of the hull will be welded not riveted, so it won’t even have the same look. Also the coal fired steam plants will be replaced with heavy fuel oil burning engines. Maybe diesel. And the lifeboats will have to be covered with hard tops.

    Theirfore this ship won’t look or be very much like the Titantic at all.

    1. The brains behind this scheme is Clive Palmer. Somehow he recently got one term in the Federal Parliament, but the voters hoofed him at the next election. He has the same ethics and morals of a politician. He peddles bulldust. Quite likely the ship will sink when he steps onboard.

  7. You’re wrong about Prince William: he’s a search & rescue pilot and they get up to some seriously scary stuff.

    And I’ve got to disagree with you about ballet and boys. Male ballet dancers get much closer to girls much sooner than other boys, and lifting those girls takes strength and conditioning. And they often do it one-handed. They also know how to talk to girls much sooner than other boys, because they’ve been doing since they were young. If he sticks with it he’ll be a real ladykiller. Ballet also has a significant royal pedigree: the Sun King of France was a dancer.

    1. Yeah… And while this isn’t relevant to George: A boy in ballet school is one of a few males surrounded by females, which means that by age 16 or so, he can be ass deep in pussy.

      1. What percentage of male ballet dancers get ass deep in pussy v.s those who get ass deep in other male ballet dancers?

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