This article by Janet Street-Porter triggered me, and I’ve decided that I’ve had enough of people attempting to foist their pathetic belief systems and accompanying lifestyle choices on to me. Let me count these irritants off.
Religion:
Fucking Christians and their oh-so virtuous need for evangelizing — like everyone needs to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior — give me the cramps. There are the Morons Mormon’s polite “elders” ringing my doorbell to hand me a pamphlet so that they can attempt to debate me — with all the acquired wisdom of their adolescent experience to back them up — about some fucking bullshit dreamed up by some asshole who was thrown out of somewhere — justifiably, in my opinion — in the fond belief that I’m suddenly going to See The Light and become a member of their foul little sect… fuck off and leave me alone. Then there are the other Christians who try to convince me that I will find God’s Peace by doing whatever and being “born again” — do you realize how insane you sound, you pious fools? Do you not realize that spiritual peace is an intensely personal matter, and your attempt to intrude on what is the most intimate of individual thoughts is about the most arrogant action anyone can perform? Don’t even get me started on the missionaries, who quite frankly all need to suffer the same fate as that tool who tried to bring Jesus Christ to the inhabitants of North Sentinel Island, and got turned into archery practice. The problem with Christianity today is that it needs more martyrs — probably a few million of the most evangelical ones, starting with that Marxist asshole in the Vatican and ending up by blowing through the leaders of the “mega-churches” like Sherman through Georgia. Good grief, am I the only one who is repelled by the insufferable smugness of the martyr complex?
But if the Christians need a few million martyrs, the Muslims need about a hundred million of them — preferably by some global mass suicide (not by bombing, just the razors-in-a-bathtub kind) — with said suicide being confined to the most extremist of them. Christians try to convert non-believers with nauseating syrupy promises, but at least they don’t try to kill you when you tell them to fuck off (well, not anymore, anyway). Muslims, on the other hand, never having left the 9th century in their outlook and behavior, are quite prepared to kill non-believers and apostates, because in their arrogance, they believe that unless you’re a Muslim, you don’t deserve to live. As attitude goes, they’re an order of magnitude worse than modern-day Christians. And if Muslims don’t want to commit mass suicide, then what we need is some very old-fashioned Christians — let’s call ’em, oh, Crusaders — who can set about killing Muslims for being the evil assholes that they are. In the immortal words of Henry Kissinger talking about Sunnis slaughtering Shiites and vice versa: “It’s a pity that one side has to win.” So mote it be with today’s Crusaders and Saracens.
Animal-worshipers:
By now, everyone should know who I’m talking about here. Whether it’s the PETA types who throw cans of paint over people wearing furs, or the insufferable militant vegans who think it’s quite okay to invade restaurants and start haranguing diners about the eeeevils of meat-eating, my suggestion is that they should all eat about a pound of Romaine lettuce from that poxy farm in California. Let me tell you: if some shit-for-brains threw paint all over my wife’s $10,000 mink coat, I’d catch the fucker and make him or her drink the rest of the paint in the bucket. As for the vegan protesters, they’d get a (pre-chewed) mouthful of meat spat all over them, followed by a fist-clubbing such as experienced by baby seals, just so that they can become as one with the cutesy wickle animals they glorify, and feeeel their pain with them. “It’s not food, it’s violence!” they scream. Hmph. Let me introduce you to the concept of real violence, you self-centered little shits.
Marxists:
By now, everyone knows that Marxism / Socialism / Communism has been proven to be an abject failure — probably the worst failure of all socio-economic systems ever devised by Man — in every place it’s been tried. But then there’s the (again) insufferable arrogance of these bastards, who truly think that they know what’s best for you, and you can’t make your own decisions because you’re inferior to them, the Enlightened Ones. And FFS, how can anyone espouse a philosophy in which the outcomes — no matter how awful — are irrelevant as long as the intentions are “noble”? It’s almost the classic example of narcissism. And just like the Muslim assholes (see above), Marxist assholes are perfectly willing to harm you if you don’t fall into line with their twisted little belief system. I’d suggest a course of mass suicide for Marxists as well, except that their arrogance would tend to make them try and kill us non-believers first (again, just like Muslims), so we’d probably be better off waging war on them (like Crusaders) and knocking them off by the various means they’ve used on others in the past. (I was going to add some illustrations at this point, but we’ve all seen the pictures of Babi-Yar and the modern-day Chinese mass executions.)
Whether religious, dietary or political extremists, therefore, my message to all of you is quite simple: leave me the hell alone. And if you foolishly believe that you can “convert” me to your side or prevent me living my life on my own terms by some means of terror, coercion, bullying or shaming, allow me to say quite simply: “Wind, meet whirlwind.”
Enough is enough.
Kim,
Long time lurker, first time commenter. I think this youtube video makes the best point about proselytization I’ve ever seen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6md638smQd8
In my experience, most of the people knocking on doors bible-thumping are very polite and quickly leave when simply told “I’m not interested, thank you.” People who do cross-fit, however. . . .
I really enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work.
Jehovah Witness stopped knocking on my door after I threatened one with a gun. Don’t piss-off the old lady.
I have a number of relatives who are JWs and they tell me if you tell the local Kingdom Hall (or the person knocking on your door) you don’t want to talk to them any more, they will leave you alone.
I’ve also heard people claim they did that and the JWs didn’t stop coming; I don’t know what’s up with that. Maybe there’s more than one Kingdom Hall in the area. But telling them you don’t want to talk to them any more *should* get them to leave you alone. Theoretically it should work with LDS too, but I don’t know any LDS people I can ask.
About a million years ago I came home from the range and was sitting in my open garage cleaning my Kar 98K Mauser. Two Jehovah’s Witness ladies walked up my driveway just as I put the bolt back into the rifle and closed it. I said “Good morning ladies. Can I help you?” One lady said “No I don’t think so” and they both ran down the driveway and disappeared. Quite a move for women who would have dressed out at about 300 pounds. I guess that they have a map because I never had a visit again.
I am a man of faith and I am glad to pray for anybody and everybody. I’ve prayed for my friend Kim on many occasions. It can’t hurt and it might do all of us some good. I’ve never pushed my beliefs on anybody – I figure that everybody has to deal with God in his or her own fashion. I have enough trouble figuring out how Jesus can love me despite my faults. I can’t judge anybody else.
As a Christian, I think Penn puts it better than me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6md638smQd8
Sure, there are Christian assholes. They are assholes because they are assholes. Christ has nothing to do with it. I just don’t want you to get hit by that everlasting truck.
Also, It’s funny how your first section could have been written by the folks you are against in the last section.
You forgot the environmentalists, but maybe they’re part of religious nutjobs.
I get GreenPeace canvassers at my door twice a year. They are always young and utterly pig-ignorant about the environment or the fact that they are being used to fund bloated management lifestyles.
Problem is I kind of enjoy debating them. They have no idea at all that there are different points of view and that a lot of us regard them as stupid assholes, which is a term I save for my diatribe at the end of our little meetings.
Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons I deal with by asking if we can start with my explanation of why Catholicism is the best and offering to explain in detail why I and the Pope, in league with Satan, will cast them into hell. When I start to recite the Lord’s Prayer backwards, they always flee.
I am a constant embarrassment to my wife, who sits in the living room cringing while I have a little innocent fun.
Closely aligned with the tree-huggers are the members of the Church of Climate Change. They not only want to tell you how to live your life, but want to vacuum the contents of your wallet and bank accounts.
Something endearing about Jewish people: They never come banging on your door trying to get you to come to church with them.
Kim, excellent rant as always.
“… fuck off and leave me alone”
Or “Fo’alma.” Sounds like a battlecry in a forgotten language.
My wife’s family used to have several houses in a row where they lived. One of my wife’s cousins I think it was, met some JW’s at the door of his house, then ran out the back to meet them again at the next house and so on down the line.
Someone I knew had gone to parochial school and various religious schools including college throughout his life. He managed to hang on to quite a few of his religious books from elementary school on through college. He put them near the door and would debate them. They stopped coming.
I get visited every so often from my local Jehovah’s Witnesses. They don’t bother me so I hear them out, take their latest news letter and we both go on.
If you don’t want them visiting, tell them. Respectable people will apologize for taking your time and move on.
Jim
I don’t mind folks like Mormons and Jehovah Witness’s knocking on my door from time to time. I am a happy old, go to church on Sunday, Methodist and before they start trying to witness and stuff I stop them and tell them that if they will go to my church every week for six months then they will know enough about my personal faith to engage in a religious conversation, otherwise – – – bye bye ! And they leave.
I’ve had some delightful conversations with the JW’s and Mormons who come around from time to time.
OTOH, once when a particularly fervent missionary from I don’t know what church got into his hard sell with
Him: Have you been saved? (with wide eyes and challenging, rising voice)
Me: Yes. (matter of factly)
Him: Really?? When?? (skeptically)
Me: When I was baptized 60 something years ago. And you don’t have a corner on the market, so please leave now.
Damn, I’m in the wrong town. The only folks knocking on my door are politicians wanting to get elected. I think I would prefer religious nuts.
Actually I’m friends with a whole slew of Mormons and other religious folk. No one has tried to convert me in a long time.
Well, there is one exception, lots of attempts by members of the ignorati of fascist demoncrats. And that is only on the social media sites.
Kim:
My SJW relative reliably gets his panties in a twist when I disagree with whatever woke cause he is pushing that holiday. I remind him that I am being consistent: If I opposed Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority trying to impose their moral choices on me back in the ‘80s, why does he think I am now willing to have the alphabet soup of SJW groups impose their moral choices on me today?
The turkey and dressing tends to fly after that.
That said, not all us Christians are assholes. My wife and I are Orthodox Christians (we converted) and, while we believe strongly in our faith, you won’t find us getting all up in your face about it. I find those flavors of faith – Christian, secular, or otherwise – that have a “were it – john or else” emotional argument for their moral imperative – can usually make no strong, meaningful argument for it. That is why they get so hyped up if you don’t believe as they do. And why they want to punish you for it. In Orthodoxy, if one is interested in The Church, we will be glad to talk to you about it. If not, go in Peace.
One bit of fairness: It is not Islamic doctrine to kill all unbelievers. There are non-Moslem communities, numbering millions of people, that have lived in Moslem-ruled countries for over a thousand years. There are other non-Moslem communities, amounting to hundreds of millions of people, that were ruled by Moslems for hundreds of years at various times.
What is Islamic doctrine: Moslems must wage war on all unbelievers (jihad), make them submit to Moslem rule and pay tribute (jizya). Those who accept these conditions are called dhimmi, and are not to be attacked any more.
Historically, Moslem assholes have abused that doctrine, robbing and murdering dhimmi in the guise of jihad. Now, assholes gonna asshole, whether they have a religious story to cover it or not, but Islam has definitely… aggravated assholery, though not causing it.
Can I get an “Amen” here?
WRT to the religious folks described, my experience (as a Jew) is that most are very, very polite, and will leave if you ask them to do so. No need to be nasty, not unless they are nasty to you or yours.
As an aside, one of my brothers is VERY religious – and I remember sitting in the living room watching TV as a teen (oh, about 40 years ago) when a pair of them knocked. He answered, and proceeded to start debating them. I got tired of it, went out another door and got in the car to go buy something at the local grocery store (in retrospect, I should’ve gone to the liquor store…). Anyway, I came back and all 3 of them were STILL there, and STILL debating. That wen’t on for about another 45 minutes (totaling nearly 2 hours). When he finally shut the door, I said that neither side was going to convince the other, so why did you waste your time? Brother replied, “Well, for those 2 hours, they couldn’t go to anyone else’s house, so I accomplished something.” ARRRRRRGH!
Kim, you said the following:
“And just like the Muslim assholes (see above), Marxist assholes are perfectly willing to harm you if you don’t fall into line with their twisted little belief system. I’d suggest a course of mass suicide for Marxists as well, except that their arrogance would tend to make them try and kill us non-believers first (again, just like Muslims), so we’d probably be better off waging war on them (like Crusaders) and knocking them off by the various means they’ve used on others in the past. ”
Ixnay on even thinking about the suicide stuff for these particular assholes. My family experience (Dad’s side) with them is, umm, rather less than ideal. Before World War 1 started in 1914, my great grandparents had 8 children from ages 4 to 27, plus several grandchildren, and he had a thriving water delivery business and owned 14 houses that were rented out. By the time the war was over, 1 child was dead, one had literally walked across Siberia to escape the carnage and come to the U.S., and the remainder were destitute and hungry, like the rest of the population. Four years later, after the Revolution, my grandfather left, never to see his parents again, and only seeing his remaining siblings for a couple of weeks some 46 years later. Within a short time, my great grandfather had what was left of a lifetime of hard work seized by the Communists, and was left with only the home that he and my great grandmother lived in. In 1936, at age 73 and sick with cancer, they rented 3/4 of their home to others to put food on the table…and he was arrested for being a Capitalist, savagely beaten and left to rot for several months in an NKVD jail (and, generally speaking, those could not be easily confused for a foreign version of the Waldorf-Astoria). He was released, then rearrested a few months later, beaten badly and released to die at home. So the fuckers MURDERED him – they were a proximate cause of his early death. The rest of the remaining family got to live in a giant open-air prison for 75 years, those not killed in the fighting of WW2 (which was Round 2 of WW1) or murdered by the Germans, that is.
So, as can be seen, Communism was pretty much an unmitigated tragedy for my grandfather’s family, except for the fact that he an his older brother were able to get to this country and build lives in freedom. Other families, of course, had it much worse – relative to them, we had it easy…but I still have a white-hot, burning hatred for all things collective, most especially the arrogant POSs who espouse such policies.
Suicide for them is not merely unlikely, as you’ve mentioned, but it is also FAR, FAR too good for their likes.