Splendid Isolation

Tag: Stupid people

Useless Recommendation

Entertainment, Men & Women

Of course, pretty much anything that the loony Gwyneth Paltrow suggests is going to be utter bullshit, but this one… oy.

Finding the perfect gift for the tricky men in your life can prove near-impossible at times – but luckily Gwyneth Paltrow is here to help in the form of her rather unique Father’s Day gift guide, which not only suggests a $64,000 trip to the Arctic Circle as a potential present, but also a male sex toy — a $219 hands-free prostate stimulator from the brand Hugo.  (“The base and tip of the device each contain a powerful vibrating motor: the insertable head massages the prostate while the external head delivers satisfying vibrations to the perineum.”)

Frankly, while even the description makes me a little queasy, the only acceptable sex toy that I’d accept to massage my prostate and taint would be Salma Hayek, and even then I’d have to run that by New Wife first.

At least her nails are short and manicured… and you can all stop right there.

Mass Stupidity

Drive Time

Indefatigable Contributor Mike L. sends me this report from inside Deepest Blue America:

With Memorial Day just one week away, millions of people are expected to hit the road this upcoming holiday weekend.  AAA has predicted travel to hit pre-pandemic levels and are urging drivers to make safe driving a priority as car accidents are at an all-time high in Massachusetts.

But:

A forced lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic prevented many people from traveling. Drivers we spoke with believe that the roads are more dangerous today than they were before the pandemic.

Why is this?  Have they forgotten how to drive — or, more importantly, if this is the case — why is it taking Massholes so long to get back into proper driving?  This may be the answer:

“We talk a lot about the laws and regulations, about the hands-free driving law, which was instated right after quarantine,” said Juniper Holmes, director of Ja’Duke Driving School in Turners Falls. “They’re not allowed to actually hold their phone in their hands. They’re supposed to use a Bluetooth device to talk on the cellphone or, if they are over 18, then they can talk to Siri and use Bluetooth, but texting in Massachusetts is illegal while you’re driving.”

Holmes told us that distracted driving is a common issue they see on the roads while conducting their driving lessons, and it is something they are stressing now more than ever.

“People are staring at their laps, and when you see people whose eyes are not on the road, their eyes are straight down on their laps, you usually think that they are texting or they’re on their phone, and the law also states that you’re not allowed to be texting or making phone calls at a red light or stop sign, either,” she said.

Clearly, the answer is MOAR LAWS (which is the usual response Up There).  Or maybe — gasp! — stricter enforcement of and higher penalties for said laws?

Nah… that would be rayciss or transphobic or something.

By the way — and I admit that I haven’t driven in Boston or anywhere in Massachusetts in a long time — I’ve found that Boston’s drivers are the most aggressive and impatient assholes in the entire country.  They make Texas rednecks and New Yorkers look positively polite and British by comparison.

About Face

Marketing / Advertising, The Gun Thing

I see that following their woke cock-up (is there any other kind?) last week (my commentary here), Heckler & Koch have reversed course faster than Clint Eastwood finding out his date is a trannie:

The next day, Heckler & Koch revealed a colossal corporate change of heart. It deleted the tweets and seemed to suggest someone may have been fired.

Didn’t help, judging from the responses:

  • “I’d expect nothing less from the brand that will never compromise.
  • “Finally, a company that understands the toxicity of engaging in identity politics.”
  • “A fully-armed and bikini-clad apology would smooth things.”
  • “Someone got fired!”
  • “No, not good enough. Send me a free gun.”
  • “I’m so sick of the PC crap… Folks have enough to deal with without having to worry about offending some thin-skin’s sensibilities.”
  • “This almost does it. Need an ad with a good-looking woman in a bikini…with guns, and a beer…”
  • “Nope, I’m still upset! I will be requiring a VP9 and an HK45 as reparations before my feelings are unhurt.”

Companies need to keep tighter control on their employees’ social media, methinks — and especially if said employees have access to the corporation’s social media.

Beyond that, HK got reminded of something like a gun-safety lesson: Don’t point your tweet at anything — including your marketshare — that you aren’t willing to destroy.

Yup.

In the meantime, here’s a gun bunny to make us all happy again:

I know, she’s not carrying one of H&K’s overpriced guns, but that just shows her good sense (which is more than they have).

Next Banned Word: Macho

Men & Women, Mocking Furriners

At least, this is the inference I get from the latest bit of governmental foolishness, Euro Division:

Spain has announced plans for an app that will tell wives if their men are doing enough housework. The new app intends to address the gender imbalance of housework and will log the hours a family member spends doing chores.

And which department is coming up with this lovely example of Big Sister snooping?

Ángela Rodríguez, Spain’s minister for gender equality and domestic violence, said her department was in the process of developing the free app.

One might argue that the rationale for even having a “minister for gender equality and domestic violence” is dubious (and one would be right — “gender equality” is a bullshit concept, and “domestic violence” is a police matter already).

The minister was speaking at a conference in Geneva discussing discrimination against women. The minister presented a report at the convention on Spain’s women’s rights. 

Rodriguez said nearly half of the women who took part in a survey by Spain’s National Statistics Institute said they did the majority of the housework in their home. 

Oh boo fucking hoo.

Wonder what the fat bitch would think of this little joke?

I can hear the Sisterhood’s wailings from here.

Anyway, Spain is pretty fucked up about all this:

A Spanish court has ordered a businessman to pay his ex-wife £180,000 for 25 years of unpaid domestic labour, based on the minimum wage throughout their marriage.

And oh yeah, the ruling was made by a female judge — like you didn’t suspect that already.

If the hapless Spanish businessman refused to pay the money and went to jail for his disobedience:  now that would be truly macho, Señor.

Never gonna happen, though.  Looks like Spanish men have been pussified like pretty much most Western men (to coin a phrase).

Ahem

Media Assholes

Following yesterday’s post about ads posing as news items at Breitbart, I see this little thing today:

I’m not saying that I had anything to do with it, of course, but I also note that the “Sponsored” note appears at the END of the headline and not at the top.

Improvements still needed, dickheads.

Even worse, they still tried to sneak it in as news on the sidebar:

They really must think we’re stupid.

Clickbait Hoars

Media Assholes

I read Breitbart News  every day, sometimes more than once, to get an idea of what’s going on out there.  So it pains me when these guys piss in the soup by, in this case, treating a fucking commercial as a news item, viz. (don’t bother clicking on it, it’s just a screen grab):

Most of the comments are scornful of BN, saying things like “As sponsored by…” and so on.

Here’s the news:  nobody cares if you carry ads, or even advertorials.  But you have to tell people that they are just that and not actual news reports, like this example from, of all places, the Daily Mirror:

Otherwise you could (justifiably) be accused of abusing the trust of your customers, which in this case, you are.

Even the “mainstream” news has followed this principle, although they too have succumbed to clickbait bullshit recently.

I thought Breitbart News  was different.  Clearly, I was mistaken.  They just did a Bud Light.

Dumb shits.

It’s as though my Readers were to discover that all these years I’ve been paid by Springfield Armory to say all those horrible things about Glock.  (Relax, I haven’t.)

And I’m just a little blog, tucked away in the corner of the Internet.  If you’re in the Big Media Playground — and especially in the roped-off conservative area — trust is your only coin:  fuck that up, and you’re dead.  Ask Dan Rather.

No, I’m not going to stop reading Breitbart News, but I’m going to be a lot more skeptical about their reporting in future.

See how that works?