Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Oh FFS it’s Monday already:

So before we get to fixing things, a little humor:

And just to speed you on your way, a couple pics of someone named Linda Lusardi, first as a youngin:

…and as she looks today:

Fine wine…

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I understand that you used to play in a rock band, so perhaps you can help.  Our gig band is in need of a keyboards player, so we set up a whole bunch of auditions.  Astonishingly, every single applicant was female, and we’ve never had any women in the band before.  The problem is that all the applicants were excellent musicians, and none of us guys can decide which one we like best.  I’ve attached pics in the hope that this will guide you to help us decide.”

— The Undecided Quartet

Dear Quartet,
Women are problematic in a rock band, for all sorts of reasons.  If they’re single, they will inevitably get a boyfriend who gets jealous of the guys in the band and will try to get her to quit.  If she’s already married, chances are that her husband will eventually start to feel the same way, AND the odds are also good that she’ll get pregnant and quit the band to look after her brat, or some such stupid reason.
I’m not even going to get into the scenario where two or more of your bandmates are going to fall in love with her and get jealous of each other;  or if they’re married, will have an affair with her thus angering the wifey — all of which means that the band could break up over the bitch.  Do you really want to have to deal with all that?
Anyway, now that I’ve got that off my chest, let’s look at the pics…

— Dr. Kim

 

P.S.  Choose the one who can read music the best.  Or the one with the biggest tits.  Either is good.

No Need To Wonder, Love

Men & Women

Continuing with my ongoing fascination for sexbots and how they’re going to change society comes this conclusion, from a chick writer no less:

The human experience of love, companionship and unconditional acceptance we often expect from our pets is being hacked, replicated and ultimately replaced by dolls who live in the cloud during the day and function as your robot wife/sex slave/ couch buddy at night. She can be anything you want her to be and demands nothing (unless you want her to). Soon she’ll be able to make sandwiches. I can’t help but wonder if a large majority of men won’t opt for the conflict-free humanoid over the real thing, with all of our baggage and hormones and mothers-in-law.

I don’t think it will be a majority  of men, but it’s going to be a bigger number than anyone would expect — and for this, we can thank the Feministicals, woo hoo.

Prediction:  It’ll be all over when the sexbots can make us sandwiches.

And pour a decent gin & tonic.

And reload our favorite .45 ACP cartridges… [okay, that’s enough, Kim.]

Then again…

Pissing It All Away

Entertainment, Funny Stuff

I love stories like this one, just not for the reasons you might think.

Michael Carroll scooped the £9.7 million lottery jackpot in 2002 from a £1 ticket.
He gave £4 million to his family before blowing the rest on cocaine, vodka, and brothels – and he claims to have bedded 4,000 women.
Began to run out of money in 2005 and appeared in court over 30 times.
Described how his lavish lifestyle was ‘the best ten years of his life for a pound’.
After a period of homelessness he is now works as a coalman in Moray, Scotland.

Here’s the thing.  The Usual Suspects are going to whine and bitch about this guy’s behavior — you know, “People like this shouldn’t be playing the lottery!”  and all that shit — but I love it.  Let’s be honest:  this guy was a total yob, working-class scum (as Mr. Free Market might put it);  but why shouldn’t such people have a chance to be happy, too?

He wasn’t completely  irresponsible about it, either:  he did give almost half to his family, up front.  I bet they’re  glad he won.

As for “blowing the rest on cocaine, vodka, and brothels” and bedding 4,000 women… at least he didn’t waste it.  (Just do the math:  4,000 women during his period of wealth is more than one woman per day, for ten years. Dude.)

And now he’s back to working hard for a living.  Good for him.  It’s not how I would have done it, but then I’m not interested in telling people how to live their lives, or how to spend their money, most especially windfalls.  I’m not a Democrat, in other words.