Tag: Humor

News snippets for them what couldn’t be bothered with the full catastrophe.

…we know, Ted;  but thank you for the reminder.

…and it looks like whole bunch of other people have figured it out, too.

…I have mixed feelings about this.  Ordinarily I’d be getting upset, but seeing as it’s Califuckingfornia, the ballots are probably a) Democrat and/or b) fraudulent.

…that’s because your criminal mother did her best to overturn his lawful election, so small wonder.

…wait a minute:  now the Salvation Army is doing an Epstein on people?  Here, folks, is where we see the effects of illiteracy on headline writers.  And speaking of which:

…what was the middle bit, again?

…nice to know that I’m in the minority (as usual).

…from two brats to seven in the space of a single hospital visit.  I’m going to have nightmares for a week.

…hell, I can do this:  1) don’t call the Pope a Commie asshole (even though he is);  2) don’t spit in the chalice after getting Communion;  and 3) indict the Southern Poverty Law Center for a hate crime because they called the Knights Of Columbus a “hate group”.  Easy-peasy.

...looks like BA retired its 747s a little prematurely, there.

…when people like this are murdered, the police usually have more suspects than they can handle.

But here’s a bride we can all get behind, so to speak:

Nice dimples.

New reports which do not include Mazy Hirono or similar filth.

…probably the same way we reacted when Obama won:  riots, demonstrations, burning buildings, mass protest marches, vitriol, death threats… oh, wait a moment.  That was the Left , when Trump won.  Never mind.

…I’ll take “Fuck off, Boris” for $400, Alex.

…who are you and what have you done with Mitt Romney?

…oh, there he is.  Never mind.

…I’ll take “A Brick” for $5, Alex.

…and for the win, I’ll take “Fuck Off, Doctor Doolittle” for $400, Alex.

…sadly, it won’t be because most of them are dangling from trees and lamp posts.

…and if you don’t laugh like a Darwin-drenched crazed hyena at the details, I don’t wanna talk to you no more.

…loath as I normally am to follow the Euros’ lead, I’d make an exception here.

…she must look better in a dimly-lit bedroom;  otherwise this is inexplicable, even for a horny 17-y/o.

…wait a second, let me fix that quickly:

…there ya go.

…well, it kinda depends on the choices, e.g.:

Finally, to end this on a happier note, and for those who wanted to see more Kelly Brook, here she is (link in pic):

Yer welcome.

None of the news that’s fit to print.

…welcome to our world, Limey bastards.

…pretty much the same as you’d get if your taxes were super low, only you’d have more money in your pocket.

…so in other words:  it’s just like influenza and the common cold, is it?

…I have an abiding wish that we were actually as bad as they say we are.  Wouldn’t we have fun?  Instead, we’re law-abiding, vote and have jobs, which prevent us all from cutting their throats.

…so theft is okay, as long as only a few people are affected?  Got it.

…it’s called the “grasping at straws” tactic.

…couldn’t happen to a nicer Socialist.

…he could pick the Tooth Fairy as his AG:  still not gonna happen.

…could we import a few of these judges into the U.S.?  They have a better idea of freedom than most of ours.  And they speak Spanish, and everything.

…Mommy, why were all the boys following me around the playground?

…it’s a strange way to say, “I haven’t had a man inside me for six months and I’m starting to ache”, but whatever.

…somebody remind me of all those arguments against the death penalty.

And just to show that it’s not all bad news:

No need to thank me, it’s all part of the service etc. etc.