Stuff that makes me laugh
“I’ve not drunk instant coffee since 1972. And even then, it was under duress.” — Liz Jones
My date was 1992 — because like Liz, I came from an instant-coffee culture. And it took emigration to break the ghastly spell. Now, I can’t even stand the smell of the swill.
Your suggestions in Comments.
Whenever politicians (especially presidents) suggest that citizens should just “turn in” their guns to the authorities, my response is always, “You first”.
In other words, you forego your own guns, and disarm your security details first. (And for the police chiefs who buy into this bullshit: first disarm all your police officers, especially your SWAT teams with those evil military-style weapons; let’s see how that works out.)
Fortunately, thanks to some excellent reporting, I can now say that at least one group of brave politicians is following my suggestion.
Democratic National Committee spokesperson Michael Tyler announced Thursday that all candidates who run in the 2020 presidential election as Democrats will completely forego armed security for the entirety of their campaigns, in a clear and bold stance against gun violence in America.
As the title of this post suggests…
Maybe it’s a major character flaw, but for some reason, I can’t get upset about what this guy did:
Fraudster, 61, commits suicide at his Missouri ranch three days after he was handed 10-year sentence for falsely marketing corn and soybeans as organic in $142M scam and then ‘spending the cash on gambling and escorts in Vegas’
I mean, seriously: if you’re going to defraud stupid people for their bullshit beliefs and oh-so-virtuous lifestyle, why not go to Vegas and gamble / whore the money away? Go out in style, say I.
Have to say, though: $142 million on chips and whores? Dude.
I’m surprised he lasted long enough to suck on his exhaust pipe.
I made a stunning discovery over the weekend when reading this article in the Babylon Bee:
Authorities ran tests on the clone and found extremely high levels of hypersensitivity, dramatic tendencies, excessive sass, and severe humor comprehension impairment. “We presented her with many jokes unrelated to her on any level. We found that she took them all personally, no matter how irrational a connection.” [emphasis added]
So there it is, folks: today’s liberals / social democrats / socialists / “woke” generation [massive overlap] have been scientifically proven to have the temperament of a 12-year-old girl*.
*I’m not sure if this post qualifies as “meta-satire”, but then I’m no English major.
…wherein I couldn’t be bothered to post anything more than a one-line comment.
1) Stanford pushes separate physics course for minority students — the problem won’t be finding “minority” students for these classes — I fully expect them to be dumbed down to 10th-grade level so as to pass as many as possible– but I’m more interested in where Stanford will find the minority lecturers to teach them. (Also: which minorities? Can we insist that Physics For Minorities 1.0 must include Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Persian and Jewish students instead of just the stupid minorities?)
2) Global Warming High Priest Loses Court Case — He refused to reveal his “source” data because it was all invented and he knew that it wouldn’t even stand up to scrutiny by a freshman Statistics class. Quelle surprise.
3) BritPM Politely Tells The EU To Eff Off — this after hearing that the U.S. will give them a quick, yuge and profitable trade deal. In essence, Boris said “No deal? No exit fee.” (The EU will have difficulty staying together without Britishland’s annual contribution, which is why they’re trying to stop Brexit, as any fule kno.)
4) Joe Walsh Announces Presidential Run — Hey, he warned us that he would, many years ago.
Couldn’t do much worse than any of the Socialist candidates, IMO.
5) Lefties Start Turning Towards Violence — …and Kim buys more ammo and goes to the range. (Incidentally, when I took the Browning High Wall .45-70 Govt to the indoor range a couple days back, I told the nervous young clerk that the bullet wouldn’t go through the back wall, but it might push it over. Only the laughter from the older guys stopped him from doing something silly.)