Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

So put them on, and let’s examine the news.


…only ONE inmate?  The Clintons must be having money problems.


…but you have no problem with states sharing personal data when it come to guns?  Got it.

And on the latter topic:


…said negotiator being none other than Texas Senator John Cornyn.  I’m sure that the thousands of blistering phone calls he got from angry Texans had nothing at all to do with his walkout.  And on that same note:


…don’t make any long-term plans for your future in the Senate, Bubba.


…ye gods:  I had no idea we were in THAT much trouble.


…okay, sweetie:  name ONE.


…that’s only relevant if his mistress had made that a pre-condition.


…couldn’t happen to a nicer shithead.


…“simulate”?  Where’s the fun in that? 


…and that’s enough of your party’s bullshit.  You start it, Bubba, and we’ll finish it.


…feel free to add the adjectives “Black” and “White” where appropriate.


…sure.  Start with the biggest offenders — China and India — and let’s see how that goes.


…yeah, I’m sure he’s going to get right onto that, given that he declared war on the energy industry as a candidate.

And in the “Who Cares?” department, a.k.a. INSIGNIFICA:

     

     

…and nobody cares, boo hoo.

And lastly (with link):


…the “business meeting” being no doubt with some “clients” at the docks during Fleet Week:

So much for the news…

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Okay, so as it’s New Wife’s last day Down Under, herewith the last of the Oz jokes:

Hey, that reminds me of an Alabama family reunion…

Of course, the new U.S. Army rifle is a German-designed clone of the M4, chambered for a cartridge that the Brits first suggested after WWII, so we have little room to criticize.

Okay, that one made me chuckle.  Except, of course, for The Gun Thing.

And finally, Strylia’s wonderfully-nickamed (by OzBlogger Tim Blair) “helium-voiced songstress”, Kylie Minogue:

 

Now climb off that rock and go to work.

3 Inexplicable Things

3 Inexplicable Things, Gratuitous Chick Pics

…in this case, three older women I still have impure thoughts about:

Caroline Quentin (64)

Never a great looker, but for some reason I always had a thing for her, starting with Jonathan Creek all the way through Blue Murder.  And she’s never let her dumpy figure get in the way of her career, or self-esteem. My kinda gal.

Jean Smart (71)

Fell in love with her during the Designing Women  days, never lost it.  One of the sexiest voices of all time, and even though she’s from Seattle, she speaks Dixie with the best of them.  And she inhabits every role she plays, ergo  all those acting awards.  The interesting thing is that she never really got to play the leading-lady femme-fatale  romantic roles, probably because at 5’11”, she towers over most Hollywood actors, and casting directors are morons.

And last, but by no means least:

Rita Wilson (66)

Yeah, Tom Hanks’s old lady.  Always had a slight thing for Greek chicks… and let’s not forget the freckled boob thing.

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

So here we plummet, into the fiery news.


…so basically, you’re telling me that I can have more pricks than Madonna on an average Saturday night, and still get the ‘Rona?


…because that’s exactly what they’re doing.

From the Dept. Of Cultural Assimilation (European Division):

And:


…on the bright side, they could have done it to goats, just like in the Old Country.


…as long as we can reclassify “exterminating asshole politicians like you” as “sporting”, I’m cool with that.


…my first purchase when this actually happens:


…I guess “no man should” has turned into “no man will”.


…actually, we don’t trust him to handle a rubber ducky in the bathtub.


…reclassify them as “assault knives”:  that should work.  Next up for the goblins:  scythes.


…he’d never be convicted for that Over Here because to Americans, most Brit men look like rentboys anyway:

 


…I’m not surprised;  she’s been impersonating a singer for years.

COPS have released the mugshots of more than 30 alleged Patriot Front members who were arrested at a Pride event
…now let’s play “Spot The FBI Provocateurs”.  I figure about eight, but I’m probably undercounting.

1, 3, 4, 8, 11, 17, 27 and 30.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

     


…mango?  lemongrass?  FFS, all you need is a slice of lemon and/or lime, and even that’s optional.

Anyway, now on to the real news:

 

And without the yellow dress, in earlier times:

 

And that’s all the news fit to look at.