Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Rock, Meet Hard Place

Advice, Guy Stuff, Lifestyle

Via Reader Mike L. I get this bit of news:

In Missouri, where abortion is illegal, Planned Parenthood sees surge in vasectomies

Doesn’t surprise me.

I had mine done in 1997, some time after my 43rd birthday, and have never looked back.  Frankly, I think that any man who doesn’t have it done by age 45 is asking for trouble, whether or not abortion is legal.  (If your Missus has had her tubes tied or her factory is otherwise disabled, then fine — but be aware that as long as the little swimmers are still there, you can still become a Daddy regardless of the recipient thereof.  I shudder just at the thought.)

And let’s not forget that nowadays you can be stuck with child support payments even if you’re not the daddy — but having had your tubes tied, such an eventuality is highly unlikely if not impossible.

I must admit that back in the times when I did this kind of thing on an ad-hoc basis, it was a real comfort to know that the old production pole had been turned into a joystick.

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

More on gas, later.


...ah, lemme guess:  all in Lauren Boebert’s district?


...Texas and Arizona didn’t ask for it either;  yet here we are.


...race hustlers gotta stick together, you see.


...I’m thinking nonstop scourging until his GoFundMe raises the hundred grand.


…


...but remember: the injured have access to free healthcare.


…


...as California, New York and Illinois take note.


...yep, if there’s going to be raping, it’s better to have the official peacekeepers do it.

...LOL mediocrity would actually be an improvement.

 

And in INSIGNIFICA:

     


…your guy couldn’t wait, huh? The background story is even funnier.

Okay, I was going to post some pics of Paige Spirinac because, well, Paige Spirinac.  However, in my travels through The Intarwebz, I happened upon someone named Taylor Cusack, so in the interests of Diversiteh:

And that’s all the news from the world of golf.  But aaaaaargh wait:


...this calls for some drastic action.

etc.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

So, ignoring the pussy, let’s get going…

And here’s a little blast from the past, back before there was digital, and all we had was low-res, washed-out Polaroids:

Just seems like a more innocent time, dunnit?

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I thought my girlfriend was joking about her wish to become a ‘crazy cat lady’ but now I’m not so sure she was joking. We’ve been together for three years and moved in together one year ago. At that point, she already had two cats, and we’d specifically looked for a place where pets would be allowed.

“Things started to get stressful when she brought home two additional cats without discussing it with me first. This was initially supposed to be a short-term foster situation, whereby she would nurse the felines back to health before finding them permanent owners. However, six months on and they’re still there.

“Having four cats in the house took ‘a lot of adjusting’, and I did try to tell my girlfriend how she really should have spoken with me about her decision first. However, she became defensive and didn’t appear to see my point.

“Around one month ago, my girlfriend brought home a fifth cat, again without asking me whether this would be okay.  Now she plans to take in a sixth cat, and I feel I’ve reached my limit.

“What can I do?”

— Surrounded By Cats

Dear Pussywhipped:

You spineless piece of shit.  This has got fuck-all to do with caring for animals.  This is really about her controlling your life and not giving a shit about you, and you enabling this behavior.

So she wants to be a “crazy cat lady”?  Grant her her wish, and get the fuck away from her — far away.  Or you can stay until the cat collection grows to twenty, or thirty, all the while asking her, “O please my lady, may I have another?”

I don’t know, but I’ll bet your sex life is terrible, too.

Grow some balls, and find yourself some better pussy.

— Dr. Kim

In case you’re wondering, this may be a true story.

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

So let’s tuck in…


...but paying for it might.


...what were they supposed to do with it?  Give it a state funeral?


...and we thought irony was out of fashion.


...if I had anything to do with missiles over Japan, they’d be going in the opposite direction.


...California Loses Again.  To Africa lol.


...moving to Arkansas lol.


...allow me to respond:

 

And speaking of going under:


...let me know when it reaches $0.00.


...I’m trying to see the problem here...


...so what?  Tortellini, linguine, macaroni, ziti, spaghetti, whatever — it’s all the same tasteless shit, just shaped differently.


...this despite sitting on huge coal deposits and natural gas reserves.


...I always liked Rickman.


...you go, girl.  We all figured long ago that both your parents were compete assholes, only interested in taking your money.

And in link-free INSIGNIFICA:

   


…

And finally:


...and here she is:

And that’s all the news that’s fit to run.