1. A 4” tall, upright plastic skunk.

    It was designed to hold baking soda to deordorize the fridge.

    Given to me by a 90-year-old friend who got it as a free gift for placing an order with Fingerhut, the mail-order company.

  2. A Vegemite/Marmite combo pack from Amazon… Actually sent that to granddaughter, she’s been texting a guy in Astraya who’s been trying to get her to try it. Her mom checked with his parents and he’s legit, apparently.

  3. Vacuum-packed cheese goo and/or meat sticks.
    That stuff is vile when fresh, and it’s never fresh.

    On the upside, this Christmas I gave the gift of true love, Bill E’s Small Batch Bacon, in the convenient 5 lb gift box. And since I knew no one I knew would gift it to me, I added me to the list.

    I didn’t get it in time for Christmas, but I have 12 lbs of smoked sack sausage coming from Trigg County, Kentucky that I had to wait two years in line for. Sorry, no link.

    1. Those are NOT meat sticks!
      Some animal parts used to make the sticks are not considered meat!

  4. A charity donation in my name – particularly a horrid leftist organization such as Planned Parenthood. Yes, this happened!

    1. Make a dozen donations of $1 each to some right wing orgs; that’ll get them on their mailing lists, which in turn they will sell to other right wing orgs.

      Yeah, I’d be that petty.

  5. a Chia Pet. My sister got one from a guy she was sweet on. clearly the feelings were not reciprocated.

  6. The time was the early 1980’s and I had a wholesale arts and crafts company in Oklahoma City, a nice large warehouse and we moved a lot of goods right up until Christmas then we would give folks some time off before New Years working about half the crew each day. One day my warehouse manager came in and she told me, you have a slight problem with one of your packages. A friend of mine had ordered some real nice Omaha Steaks as a gift for me and my family, used the warehouse address knowing there would be received safely and they were received on right before Christmas along with a lot of other packages, placed on a pallet along with a lot of other boxes and discovered a bit over a week later.

    It was heart breaking to open the box and smell spoiled meat, lovely pretty steaks that had turned nasty. Worst gift ever and of course I did not have the heart to tell my friend that his gift had turned bad, there were some small stickers on the box that said open at once and I also could not blame my receiving guy at the warehouse door who counted and stacked packages because we had been working hard and fast right up to Christmas receiving and shipping large amounts of merchandise.

    A few months later that same warehouse manager came up into my office and told me we had another smelly problem. I had ordered a truck load of pussy willow because a large part of our sales were dried and silk flowers and in the past we had good luck selling pussy willows purchased from our dried flower vendor in Alabama, they looked good in floral arrangements so I upped to order to a truck load of product.

    Back to the day my nice little old lady warehouse manager came up into the front office where there were five nice ladies working and real loud told us that she had just opened up a whole truck load of stinking pussy. The pussy willow product had not be dried enough and it was indeed soured with a terrible nasty oder. I did call the shipper and received credit for the stinking pussy and I was instructed to just trash it so we had a large dumpster full of nasty stinking pussy and lots of laughs.

    1. This made me laugh!
      I was guilty of something similar, early in my marriage. I got my wife a Waterpick dental hygiene thingy. I was only thinking of her good health… It seems she wanted a vacuum cleaner instead.

      My wife’s choice of gifts for me are always useless baubles that she wants for herself.

      Therein lies the difference, I want something useful, a tool. She wants something to fondle, hang on the wall and look at.

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