Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Never Have I Ever

3 Inexplicable Things

…done these three things:

  • watched Dr. Who  on TV,
  • read a Jilly Cooper novel (although I might give in at some point because I despair at the level of modern writing and its authors),
  • ridden a horse.

I always thought that Dr. Who  was an infantile take on sci-fi — just hearing people talk about the show irritated me — so I never bothered.  I kinda feel the same about Star Trek, although I have watched a few episodes of that series, always kicking myself for wasting time immediately after the closing credits.

I don’t know why I never read Jilly Cooper’s books, unless it was because of my misogynistic attitude to female writers.  No, I can’t be bothered to explain that, either.  Reading the blurb on the back of any of her novels, I always wondered why I would ever be interested in her silly, two-dimensional characters and fluffy inconsequential plot lines, and I’d return the book to the shelf, un-tempted into its purchase.  The only thing I can find to recommend Dame Jilly, other than the obvious:

…is that she always had a very casual attitude towards sex, both in her writing and in her observations about the people around her.  Not judgemental, she.  Besides:  it was the 1970s and -80s, FFS [sic].

Horses are filthy, fragile animals, prone to all sorts of illnesses, and even the “quiet” ones are always trying to kill you.  Besides, as black powder and muzzle loaders have been superseded by metallic cartridges and bolt-actions, our transportation needs have evolved and we don’t need them.

News Roundup

Bad News

And you’re gonna need a couple, after reading this lot.

Taylor Swift says it’s ‘shockingly offensive’ to claim this is her last album
...what’s really offensive is the thought that we’re going to have to endure still more of her assembly-line “music” for the next who-knows-how-long.

Next, some Backlash News:


...should have been fired for academic fraud long ago, but I’ll take what I can get.

...at least she wasn’t bonking a 14-year-old.  One hopes.

And in

 




...keep on truckin’, boys:  i.e. throw ’em out by the truckload.  Or something.

In International News:


...sounds about right.  And speaking of Jew-killers:


...like anyone cares.

From the Darwin Report:


...let’s just hope that her kids’ father(s) might have passed on a bigger helping of brains to them.

From Teh Meejah:

PIERS MORGAN: JK Rowling once called me an amoral celebrity toady
...truth hurts, dunnit?

And now it’s that time: 


...when a porno movie does halftime… oh wait, that’s BROWN Bunny.  My bad.
Oh, and Mr. Bunny:  I’m not going to learn Spanish just to try to understand your poxy lyrics.

And in our journey along :


...yes, I’m afraid it’s that time again.  Sorry.

After that, the news is kinda lame.

Welcome Mat?

Immigration

Here’s an interesting conundrum.  As Jews in Britishland are becoming increasingly (and justifiably) afraid of, well, being Jewish in Britishland, you have this mindset:

Truth is, I don’t know a single Jewish family in London who doesn’t speak openly and often about leaving. These are dyed in the wool Brits, who love this country. But they are watching the England they know disintegrate around them.

If ever there’s a group of people crying out for refugee status, therefore, it’s this lot.

Ordinarily, of course, there is always the option for them to move to Israel — and if ever there was a raison d’être  for the state of Israel to continue to exist, this is surely it — but what about those who don’t want to move to some piece of desert in the Middle East?  (In my opinion, not an unreasonable position.)

Well, for those who would prefer another option, how about right here in the U.S. of A. (you know, the huddled masses of people yearning to breathe free business)?

I mean, in the main these are wealthy and successful citizens, unlikely to require any welfare assistance and perfectly capable of buying their own health insurance, unlike some immigrant ethnic groups I could name.

Now granted, there are several downsides for us to throw out the welcome mat for this lot.  For a start, they are mostly of the Lefty persuasion (like so many Jews are in this country, inexplicably), and we have to ask ourselves whether we want more of that kind of person coming here.  (We don’t — well, I’m pretty sure that most conservative Americans, i.e. most of us, feel that way — and it has nothing to do with them being Jewish.)

We could overcome this issue, however, and make the change less jarring by resettling this bunch in a state where the government is more like the one they’d be leaving behind, e.g. Chicago’s northwest side (the “N. California Avenue axis“) where many Jews (Reform and Orthodox) already live, but with a stipulation of ten-year residence there before they can relocate to Florida.

If not Chicago, then I would suggest Detroit’s Boston-Edison area, with the same 10-year residency requirement.  Okay, Boston-Ed is right next door to Dearbornistan, but unlike in Chicago, these new settlers would be able to buy guns to protect themselves.  (If they don’t want to own those nasty gun things, they deserve everything that happens to them.)  Detroit probably needs a chapter of Lox And Loaded, anyway.  And given that, like Chicago, Detroit is a reliably-Democrat stronghold already, the appearance of a score or so thousand more Democrat voters there wouldn’t make much difference in the grand scheme of things.

Or if they refuse the offer, we could just say, “Enjoy that Middle Eastern desert thing, guys.”