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Today’s Earworm
No more than this.
Job Opening
I’m applying for the job.
Just think of my initial report descriptions:
Jesuslanders are irrationally opposed to sexualization of 3-year-olds. Send $125,000 so I can investigate this strange mindset further by polling studies.
Inexplicably, gun ownership appears to be a big thing here. Send $125,000 so I can build a small arsenal and see what all the fuss is about.
Texans somehow think that people should be allowed to buy medical insurance to suit their own needs and means. (To Accounting: Please send $10,000 to cover my recent out-of-network medical expenses.)
I have discovered that in 2018, various voting districts went 75% for Trump. As these districts are all over the state, and Texas is apparently a bit bigger than New Jersey, please authorize an additional $145,000 in travel expenses so I can visit these distant worlds, so to speak, and investigate whether there were any voting irregularities.
Feel free to add your suggestions as to other things that the Washington Post will need me to cover.
Speed Bump #7,659
In an otherwise decent article, Brandon Morse writes this howler:
“In today’s society, emotion is increasingly valued over logistical thinking.”
Really? Emotion is placed higher than thinking about how to move stuff from one place to another?
IT’S “LOGICAL“, NOT “LOGISTICAL“, YOU FECKLESS, ILLITERATE MORON.
JHC… it’s way too early to have yet another gin, but WTF.
News Roundup
Brought to you by:
So let’s waltz into the news, such as it is.
…
…but the real bad news came when he discovered that Amazon’s cheap medical plan didn’t cover heart attacks.
…because it stopped people from smoking, right?
…
…and:
…quelle surprise.
…because MAGA rallies always end in riots, looting and burning buildings, you see.
…thus answering the old question: “If guns are banned, can we use swords?”
…I think we’ve all had orgasms like that at least once before. And speaking of orgasms:
…LOL, Professor Reynolds.
And as for (non-linked) INSIGNIFICA:
…headline should read: “BECAUSE I drive a Ferrari, I have to shop at Aldi, etc.”
And in that vein:
Also, to be politically correct, let’s not leave out our Asian models:
…and of course, a couple of token blacks:
Here endeth the news.
No More Gilbert
Gilbert Gottfried, one of my all-time favorite comedians, has died aged 67 (my age ATOW), from complications caused by muscular dystrophy.
There was and is nobody more cruel and nastier than Gilbert. Here’s one example (and is VVNSFW).
And my favorite line of his, conducting an imaginary interview of Jackie Onassis:
“So… do remember what you were doing on the day..?”
I am SO going to miss him. R.I.P.