Category: Funny Stuff

Pissing It All Away

Entertainment, Funny Stuff

I love stories like this one, just not for the reasons you might think.

Michael Carroll scooped the £9.7 million lottery jackpot in 2002 from a £1 ticket.
He gave £4 million to his family before blowing the rest on cocaine, vodka, and brothels – and he claims to have bedded 4,000 women.
Began to run out of money in 2005 and appeared in court over 30 times.
Described how his lavish lifestyle was ‘the best ten years of his life for a pound’.
After a period of homelessness he is now works as a coalman in Moray, Scotland.

Here’s the thing.  The Usual Suspects are going to whine and bitch about this guy’s behavior — you know, “People like this shouldn’t be playing the lottery!”  and all that shit — but I love it.  Let’s be honest:  this guy was a total yob, working-class scum (as Mr. Free Market might put it);  but why shouldn’t such people have a chance to be happy, too?

He wasn’t completely  irresponsible about it, either:  he did give almost half to his family, up front.  I bet they’re  glad he won.

As for “blowing the rest on cocaine, vodka, and brothels” and bedding 4,000 women… at least he didn’t waste it.  (Just do the math:  4,000 women during his period of wealth is more than one woman per day, for ten years. Dude.)

And now he’s back to working hard for a living.  Good for him.  It’s not how I would have done it, but then I’m not interested in telling people how to live their lives, or how to spend their money, most especially windfalls.  I’m not a Democrat, in other words.

Quote Of The Day

Freaks & Loonies, QOTD

From the normally mild-mannered Prof. Reynolds:

“Vegans should just be grateful for not being pantsed on sight.  Veganism is stupid and immoral, and mostly a marker for mental illness or deficiency.”

True dat.  He left out a lot of other endearing vegan traits, but the Treacher Man has his back:

“You just can’t please vegans, because if they were capable of happiness, they wouldn’t be vegans.  You can’t cater to them — in this case literally — because their entire philosophy is anti-human.  They’re ashamed of their own existence on this planet, and that shame has turned them into totalitarian wackjobs.”

I think I’ll just have one of New Wife’s beef pies for lunch, because I can.

Beyond Redemption

Mocking Furriners

Amid all the breast-beating about how the recent floods have ravaged Venice boo hoo, with the mayor thereof (of course) blaming “climate change” for the disaster, the fact remains that in a nation where corruption is not just systemic but endemic, Venice stands apart from all the other cities as being the poster-boy for corruption.

The mayor of Venice has blamed climate change for the disaster but there was also anger among Venetians yesterday at the corruption which has held up a flood barrier project.

Just so we’re all clear about this, the phrase missing from that last sentence is: “…which has held up a flood barrier project for the last thirty years.”  The plans have been in place, the funding more or less allocated (if such a thing can happen in Italy, given their perpetual state of near-bankruptcy), but… nothing has happened, as bureaucrats argue and wrangle, projects are started then canceled, service providers arrive then leave, and in general, the whole thing resembles a typical Italian cock-up.

I remember arriving at Rome’s Da Vinci Airport dying for a pee, only to find that the men’s toilets at the Arrivals gate were “non operativo“.  I later discovered that the toilets had been “non operativo” for close to a year.  And this, by the way, in a place where reservations clerks faced with irate passengers simply switch off their terminals and go have a cup of coffee until said passengers have given up and left.

A Brit friend who was involved in a project with the Italian Army was even more dismissive.

“I have to say, their uniforms are magnificent — they look like they were each personally tailored by Versace.”
“How’s their organization and operational readiness?”
“Oh God…they have neither.  Christ help them if they’re ever faced with a real military problem.” 

So the Venetian imbroglio  doesn’t surprise me one little bit.  And this is why I say simply, fuck ’em.  Let their poxy city sink under the waves, and let the tourism dollars dry up (except from the most hardy of souls).

To coin a phrase:  let Venice sink.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Ah good grief, it’s that time of week again already, and for some of us, too soon:

So let’s do some remedial laughing.

And now it’s time for a little Monday morning eye-opener:

Who she?

Granted, she has piss-poor taste in men, but then again, that’s quite common among Australian women…

Cultural Diversity

Mocking Furriners, Two-Minute Hate

Let’s set the scene, here.  You and a bunch of your buddies go out to a nightclub in a foreign country — let’s call it Western Europe — and start doing what you always wanted to do with a bunch of women Back Home but couldn’t because the women’s brothers and cousins have no sense of humor and are likely to cut your nuts off.  Now these “foreign” women are not only dressed like whores but also seem to have no brothers and cousins whatsoever.  But for some reason, they get upset with being pawed, fingered and squeezed without giving permission (go figure, right?).  So they call the club bouncers and you get tossed out on the street because you’re acting like oafish animals.

Do you think, “Hmmm… maybe this isn’t the way to do things here.  Perhaps we ought to change our behavior somewhat.”  Of course you don’t — because, as it happens, you’re a bunch of oafish animals.  (And let’s take a wild guess at this point, and assume that Back Home is nowhere close to Western Europe.)

So what you do is return to the same nightclub and demand to be let back in and when refused entry, you try scaling the fences and getting in that way — you know, like you used to do Back Home.  The bouncers, for some reason, aren’t having any of this and toss you back out onto the street.

Whereupon you and your oafish buddies pull out a couple machetes (that you just happened to have about your person) and attack the bouncers.

No doubt, when these pricks are eventually captured it’ll be all about the pore starvin migrants and asylum seekers, and some asswipe German judge will rule that the bouncers were actually to blame.

And when the German people get upset about this, they’ll be labeled “rightwingers”…