Category: The Worst

Inexplicably popular, revered by critics, nobody seems to have realized that these iconic emperors had not a single stitch of clothing between them.  Some have drawn my ire on these here pages before, but there are others.  So, ranked in order of artistic nudity:

• Marlon Brando (Method mumbling)
• Elizabeth Taylor (squeaky voice and horrible acting not fully redeemed by large breasts)
• Johnny Cash (bass monotone;  probably the smallest vocal range of any singer ever)
• Jackson Pollock (gaudy splashes masquerading as Art)
• Frank Sinatra (couldn’t hit a note with a baseball bat;  should have quit singing in about 1958)

Your suggestions in Comments.

 

None of these TV shows could be made today because #NetworkCowardice.   Ranked from “Least” Offensive to “OMG I Need Counseling!”:

• The Bob Newhart Show (makes fun of mental illness / psychoses, plus airline pilot Howard is a serial seducer / rapist)
• Dukes Of Hazzard (OMG Confederate Flag Warning!)
• Tom ‘n Jerry cartoons  (all that violence, sexism and animal cruelty)
• Benny Hill (sexism, male chauvinism / piggery, etc.)
• Monty Python’s Flying Circus (sample):
  “I don’t like darkies!”
  “Hahahaha… she doesn’t like darkies… who does?“

…and a special Dishonorable Mention for female stereotyping:

• How To Marry A Millionaire

Your suggestions in Comments.

Ranked in order of inappropriateness:

• in the food-preparation area of a restaurant or bakery
• in bed before making love to someone for the first time
• while in the dentist’s chair
• when meeting the Queen
• while a recipient of fellatio or cunnilingus

Your suggestions in Comments.

In ascending order of terrible, they are:

• International Hemorrhoid Day
• International Vegan Day (or is that just the same as the above?)
• Premature Ejaculation Day (I know, I know:  all ejaculations are premature)
• Molest A Pre-Teen Girl Day (for Roman Polanski, that’s every day, of course)

and the absolute worst:

• Senator Chuck Schumer Appreciation Day

Your suggestions in Comments, as usual.

Ranked in order of foulness / inconvenience:

• inside your mistress’s apartment when you have to get home quickly to take your daughter to her school ballet performance
• down your kitchen sink when the garbage disposal is running
• when it’s 1am and you’re inside a parking garage in downtown Johannesburg
• down a public toilet in Mumbai, India
• inside a Kardashian.

Your suggestions in Comments.

A pictorial, in ascending order of horrible:

5) New York:

4) London:

3) Munich:

2) Bangalore (listed as “Park View”):

…and to the surprise of absolutely nobody:

1) San Francisco: 

Your thoughts in Comments.