5 Worst Ways For A Woman To Break Up With A Man

(Note to my Lady Readers:  I accept no responsibility if you do any of the following.)

Ranked in ascending order of coldness:

  • Arrange a “break-up dinner” at a restaurant, and split his head open with a cleaver when he starts whining and protesting
  • Invite him over so that he arrives while you’re in bed with the New Guy (and bonus points if it’s his apartment that you’re sharing)
  • Tell him you’ve finally decided to have a threesome, only it will be with Roger and Dave, and he’s not invited
  • Send him a nude selfie from your hotel room in Jamaica, said selfie to include the equally-naked (and fully erect) Jamaican pool “boy” in the background
  • Get your mother to give him the bad news. (Bonus points if she’s always hated him.)

Your suggestions in Comments.


  1. Text him you’ve left him for someone else, and attach a picture of you in bed with his dog.

  2. How about going shopping for furniture the day before and then coming into his place of business and dropping the bomb?

  3. I had a woman almost do #2 there. I went to her place a bit before she got off work, figuring I’d make dinner for her so it’d be ready when she got home, but when I got there she was on the couch watching a movie… and snuggled up to a new guy.

    I gave her her key back and left.

    Funny thing was, I was intending to make it a decent evening, but to break up with her that night myself, so her doing that just beat me to the punch.

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