Category: The Worst

5 Worst Drinks To Get Drunk On

Friday Feature, The Worst

I’m not interested in stupid drinks like “cognac & gin”, home-brewed or -distilled nastiness, insane mixtures like “tequila & drain cleaner” or similar nonsense. I’m talking about regular bar drinks that, when drunk in very large quantities, make your mouth feel like the inside of Andrea Dworkin’s sneaker when you wake up the next morning. In order of increasing hideousness (and please don’t ask me how I know all this):

Note that so foul are these Terrible Five that tequila doesn’t even come close to making the list, although that Greek Pine-Sol-flavored wine retsina gets an honorable mention.

Your own suggestions in Comments, as usual.

5 Worst Things To Hear Over An Airliner’s P.A. System

Friday Feature, The Worst

Ranked in order of awfulness:

  • “This is Captain Douglas Corrigan speaking. I don’t know where y’all were expecting to land, but this ain’t it.”*
  • “Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that this aircraft can fly quite well on only one engine.”
  • “Wait… Hank, I thought you checked the fuel levels before we took off.”
  • “Passenger Mohammed Al-Bomba, please identify yourself to a cabin crew member.”
  • “Welcome to Bangalore International Airport.”

Your suggestions in Comments. Bonus points if you actually heard them on a flight…

*do a search on the name.

 

 

5 Worst Things To Hear On An African Safari

Friday Feature, The Worst

Ranked in ascending order of frightfulness:

  • [click!]
  • “Did anyone see where that wounded buffalo went?”
  • “Funny; I could have sworn that there were six lionesses in that pride, not five.”
  • “Sorry, man; I forgot the snakebite serum back at camp.”
  • “What do you mean, you left all the booze back at the airport?”

Your suggestions in Comments, as always.

 

5 Worst Things To Discover On A First Date

Friday Feature, The Worst

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, as always:

For men:

  • She hates guns
  • She worked on Hillary Clinton’s campaign in 2016
  • She’s a militant vegan
  • She has a really fun story about how she acquired her latest(!!) tattoo
  • She owns four cats

(If she checks all five boxes, you may have to kill yourself just to escape the date.)

For women:

  • He still lives with mommy
  • He’s a Muslim
  • He hates guns
  • He thinks Trump is literally worse than Hitler
  • He has to leave the date early to go to an antifa rally

Your own contributions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve ever discovered these things on an actual first date.