Category: The Worst

All in ascending order of frightfulness, as usual.

Told by men:

• “You won’t get pregnant; my family’s been sterile for generations.”
• “I’ll just put the tip in.”
• “…and forsaking all others…”
• “I’ll call you  next time I’m in town.”
• “She means nothing to me!”

Told by women:

• “Size isn’t important.”
• “I won’t try to change you after we get married.”
• “I don’t fake my orgasms.”
• “Bad boys don’t turn me on.”
• “I’d love you even if you weren’t rich.”

 

Your suggestions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve actually uttered them, or had them told to you.

Ranked in ascending order of foulness:

• Halfway up the Matterhorn
• The day before you start a new job (i.e. they don’t have to give you maternity leave)
• During your wedding ceremony
• While receiving oral sex (and before having your orgasm)
• A week after the United States has instituted a “single payer” (i.e. NHS) healthcare system.

Your suggestions in Comments. I can’t wait to hear from my Lady Readers.

In ascending order of dreadfulness, as always:

• Tony Blair, Has-Been BritPM
• Every male Swedish, Danish and Norwegian Prime Minister since 1980
• Barack Obama, Has-Been POTUS
• Emmanuel Macron, current FrogPres
• Justin Trudeau, current CanuckPM

Your votes in Comments.

Ranked in order of awfulness:

• “I thought you had the ring.”
• “I take thee ummm… what’s your name again?”
• “What do you mean, you filed for bankruptcy yesterday?”
• “My mother’s joining us on the honeymoon.”
• “Honey? I think you forgot your Maxi-Pad…”

and a bonus (from Doc Russia):

• “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

You suggestions in Comments…

Ranked in ascending order of dreadfulness:

• In your scrambled eggs
• In your crankcase
• In your eyes
• In your gun’s action
• You know where

Your suggestions in Comments.

 

Some names may have been changed slightly because lawyers, who have fuck-all sense of humor when it comes to satire.

• “Threesomes! The Hardy Boys And Nancy Drew Compendium”
• “Harry Potter And The Half-Price Hooker” by J.K. (Just Kidding) Rowlins
• “Little Whore-House On The Prairie” by Laura Tingles Wilder
• “Little Women: Sex With Dwarves” by Louisa May Allcock
• “The Princess Bridegroom (an LGBT mystery)” by Willyum Old Man

Your suggestions in Comments.