Category: The Worst

Staying with the April 20 theme, and ranked from bad to horriblest:

• killed his dog with poison
• is responsible for Godwin’s Law
• adopted a stupid political philosophy which still influences other statists like Nancy Pelosi and most Western European politicians
• his even-more stupid anti-Semitism continues to influence assholes like Jeremy Corbyn, about one-third of all Internet commentary, and all of Islam
• was, unsurprisingly, a strict vegetarian.

Your observations and suggestions in Comments.

From bad to absolute worst:

• The band plays a disco version of Free Bird
• Your 8th-grade teacher-crush, Mrs. Sullivan, now needs a walker
• Diarrhea, on the dance floor
• Finally getting to score with the prom queen from your graduating class, only to discover that she now has dentures and you have erectile dysfunction
• Realizing that that obnoxious chick from Government class — Hillary… Rodham? — still has a crush on you

Your suggestions (or experiences) in Comments.

In order of implausibility:

• “My little sister hid my backpack.”
• “The dog wouldn’t move away from lying in front of my dad’s car.”
• “It was the Russians.”
• “I had a panic attack because Donald Trump is President.”

…and the absolute worst reason for being late for school:

• “My gym teacher just wouldn’t let me get out of bed this morning.”

Your suggestions in Comments.

Ranked in order of foulness:

• peeing on the flag
• waving it at your new ex-wife as you walk out the courtroom
• as a prop in your “How To Make Sausage” class
• slapping a midget across the face
• impregnating Amy Schumer.

Your suggestions in Comments.