5 Worst Drinks To Get Drunk On

I’m not interested in stupid drinks like “cognac & gin”, home-brewed or -distilled nastiness, insane mixtures like “tequila & drain cleaner” or similar nonsense. I’m talking about regular bar drinks that, when drunk in very large quantities, make your mouth feel like the inside of Andrea Dworkin’s sneaker when you wake up the next morning. In order of increasing hideousness (and please don’t ask me how I know all this):

Note that so foul are these Terrible Five that tequila doesn’t even come close to making the list, although that Greek Pine-Sol-flavored wine retsina gets an honorable mention.

Your own suggestions in Comments, as usual.


  1. I used to hear about how wonderful Armenian brandy was, until someone gave me a bottle of the “good stuff.”

    Tasted like motor oil. Literally. While drinking it, and the next morning as an aftertaste.

  2. Southern Comfort and Lime
    Peppermint Schnapps
    Narragansett beer

    Honorable Mention: Ardberg scotch. I’ve tried it a couple times, and I REALLY tried to like it, but honestly it tastes like someone soaked cigar butts in turpentine (and I LIKE scotch).

    A couple points on the above list:
    My first ever hangover (gotten when I was in college, back when the drinking age was 18) was from beer and shots of Jack Daniels, Peppermint Schnapps and Sambucca. Happened on a Friday night and I had an 8:00 am class Saturday morning (and I went to a commuter-college, so I actually had to GET there, by NYC bus). My first thought on awakening was “Who shit in my mouth?” I’ve NEVER mixed like that again.

    My local deli had Narragansett beer, cheaper than Budwieser (hey, this was before the craft beer revolution). I bought a six-pack just to try it. Had about three cans of it that night (tasted good) so I was nowhere NEAR drunk, woke up the next morning with a head out to HERE. The other three cans went down the drain.

    Mark D

    1. “My first thought on awakening was “Who shit in my mouth?””

      Isn’t that how you clear your palate after drinking Jagermeister?

  3. Wife and I once hosted a Thanksgiving dinner about 50 years ago two married couples and two single guys in our small high rise apartment. The other married guy was an asshole who kept making White Russians for our 19 year old guest who had no drinking experience. He filled him up with whole cream and vodka and when we all set down for dinner the kid, seated on the back side of the table against the wall barfed up a whole big mess of clotted cream and the little bit of dinner he had managed to down. Then asshole took him out on our balcony where kid barfed the rest of his guts down the side of the build from 11 floors up with barf blowing into balconies below. That was not a good drink to get drunk on.

    Other’s in addition to Jaegermeister are Steinhäger, Bailey’s Irish Creme, Frangelico and sherry, just about any kind of sherry.

  4. The worst drink I ever had was in Champaign-Urbana as a young airman. Mind you, I ASKED FOR THE ABUSE, so bear that in mind. It’s called a “Dead Nazi”. Equal parts Rumple Minze and Jagermeister. At room temperature.

    You won’t need a whole lot of that to feel bad. One should do the job nicely.

  5. San Miguel Beer (at least in PI and in the ’60s). The hangover was renowned for “can’t keep your eyes open or your asshole shut”. Reportedly had a touch of formaldehyde added for flavor.

    1. Oh, that? “[I]t’s called a Trickie Dickie Screwdriver. It’s got one part Jack Daniels, two parts purple Kool-Aid and a jigger of formaldehyde from the jar with Hitler’s brain in it, ​we got in the back storeroom”

    2. In the early 70s San Miguel beer was 50 centavos (about eight cents American) a bottle in Olongapo City. For two or three bucks a young sailor could get barking at the moon drunk. The hangovers lasted two or three days even when that young sailor tried to sweat the alcohol out of his body by working out in the 120 degree boiler room.

    3. Philippines San Miguel no longer gives horrible hangovers.

      However, the San Miguel they brew in Hong Kong must use the formula you’re used to, because just a single bottle of that foul, rotted piss will leave you ill. Should you manage to drink more than a few bottles, the hangover, epic.

  6. Mexcal (with the worm) and Haffenreffer malt liquor were how we did real damage in college.

    I spent time in Sri Lanka – coconut arrack is brutal stuff and caused the worst hangovers I’ve ever had.

  7. Baijiu, Chinese spirit. Was at a wedding and was served the “good stuff”. Swear to god that moonshine would have been more palatable. Brother told me that he would buy the cheap stuff to use as rubbing alcohol because it was cheaper. *shudder*

  8. Any PNG produced “liquor”- OP, Tradewinds, Doop- those are actual brands.
    New Guinea has no real “truth in labeling” laws, so they can sell “rum”, “brandy”, even “scotch” that is just grain alcohol with food coloring and artificial flavoring added.
    And for some strange reason, my buddy loved it. One evening, a couple of us were hanging out at his place, and he passed around a bottle of the “scotch”. It tasted of food coloring and artificial flavors- flavors that indicated whoever mixed it had never ever tasted real Scotch- plus a taste of failure and disappointment. It was bad enough that we all had to have a second taste to confirm that it tasted that bad.

  9. One glass of limoncello, the good stuff made with Sfusato lemons, is the best; more than two you find yourself going, “Oink,oink” the following morning, deservedly.
    Grappa, on the other hand, a good bathtub grappa, is something I found I can drink all night and wake up clear-eyed, bushy-tailed and rarin’ to go the next morning.

  10. Circa 2008, 3 intrepid Marines tried to go drink for drink with a couple of Vietnam vets in a bar in Palm Springs ( down the road a bit from 29 Palms).

    I’ve never been so sick in my life, and my two comrades only just made it back in time for formation the next am. We spent PT puking our guts out on the Lake Bandini circuit.

    Fuck tequila…

  11. I’ve heard palm wine (an African staple) is pretty vile, but never tried it.

    I don’t seem to get ‘drunk’ properly. I’ve gotten a trifle wobbly, but at a certain point the alcohol trips the ‘sleepy’ switch in my head, and I promptly start looking for a place to nod off. I guess it’s for the best, as I’ve never gotten utterly shitfaced-stupid, nor suffered a hangover.

  12. One Martini makes a person interesting…
    Two Martinis makes a person intelligent…
    Three Martinis makes a person indestructible…
    Four Martinis makes a person invisible…

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