Category: Friday Feature

5 Worst Christmas Golden Book Titles

Friday Feature, The Worst

In ascending order of appalling:

  • “Your Dad Is Actually Santa Claus” by  Ayn Rand
  • “How To Drink Rum Eggnog Like A Grownup” by  Captain Morgan
  • “Getting The Expensive Presents You Really  Want:  A Child’s Guide To Blackmail” by  Stormy Daniels
  • “Santa Claus:  Just Another White Male Oppressor” by  Andrea Dworkin
  • “Jesus Christ:  Jew Bastard” by  Ayotollah Khameini

Your nominations in Comments.

Peerless

Friday Feature, Movies

If I could play one indoor game very well, it would be snooker (not pool).  And should you want to know who I’d like to play as well as, it’s Ronnie O’Sullivan.  For your Friday night movie, here is the man himself absolutely demolishing his opponent in a best-of-nine competition.  (Hint:  it doesn’t go to nine games.)  As any good snooker player will tell you, it’s not sinking the ball that’s important, it’s where you leave the cue ball for your next shot, and in terms of skill, Ronnie’s like Tiger, but with better smeeking:

      

But this is the expression that his opponents dread seeing:

So pour yourself a drink, sit back, and enjoy the next three-quarters of an hour, seeing a man on top of his game.

5 Worst Things Santa Said To Your Kid At The Mall

Friday Feature, The Worst

In ascending order of ugliness:

  • “Hurry up and ask, Lakesha, ‘cos Santa’s gotta go pee.”
  • “No, Olivia, I don’t have a hot dog in my pocket.”
  • “Jimmy, could you just scootch up just a little further?  Oh, yes, yes, yessss…”
  • “I’ll get you that bicycle, as long as you don’t tell your momma what Santa just did with his finger.”
  • “No, Freddie, that’s not eggnog on Santa’s pants.”

Your suggestions in Comments.