Category: Bad News

I’m not quite sure that this is a genuine ad — but then again, as a lifelong non-smoker how would I know?  But here’s the REAL (ahem) news:

...which makes me wonder:  are elephants at risk today?

In a Religion Of Peace update:

...too bad the lesbos weren’t packing heat, so to speak.  I don’t approve of Muzzie assholes getting all aggro, but I do approve of their would-be victims shooting them all dead.

Still in Muzzieland:

...and I think the TurkGov should immediately ban cooking gas in all restaurants.
#GunControlArgument

In Education News:

...the old “low-hanging fruit” approach to molesting.

...and will be mocked for the rest of his time in jail by the other bad guys.

From the Dept. of Health & Wokery:

…

And speaking of wokery:

...for the benefit of my Murkin Readers, I should point out that NatWest is a fucking bank.

In U.S. Election News:

...and for the benefit of my Furrin Readers. I should point out that in this instance, “Coons” is a politician and not an ethnic group.  Glad we got that straightened out.

Now let’s swim in the link-free waters of 

     

...okay, I may have misread the headline for this one. [/Old Fart Excuse]

And as we sidle down :

...cant’s understand all the fuss;  it’s not like Susan Sarandon’s little girl has never shown off said appendages before:

…and here’s the oh-so-offensive wedding dress:

I think it’s quite pretty.

And that’s all the news fit to hang out.

And speaking of dildos:

From the Woke News Desk:

...I know, I know:  these roundups are meant to be bad news.  And:

...and if ever there was a company that shouldn’t have done this nonsense at all...

...thus alienating all three of their hardcore LGBTOSTFU fans.

And in Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:

...just another moment of idiocy among thousands of hours of the same.

...hammering the point home, so to speak.

In The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© News:

...questions?  Yes, you in the back?  Ummm yes I think that being tossed out of helicopters at 500 feet above shark-infested waters may also be somewhat offensive to them.

...see above (and below).

...keyword:  Massachusetts.

And in parallel news:

...sorry, Ramiro:  finding Jesus and being regretful may help you later, just not with the Texas justice system right now.  Adios, asshole.

Still on crime matters:

...wait, what was the middle bit, again?

In Election News:

...well okay, except:

...not that they would ever be bothered by any inconvenient laws, or anything.  Still, let me be out there first:  Biden Didn’t Kill Himself.

In Miscellaneous News:

...no link because mass vomiting.

And now, some truly
(featuring EXTRA Kardashian!)
        …ummm no.  

...if it hasn’t by now, Toots, it ain’t gonna.

And in Celebrity Gossip:

...and, according to her one-time boyfriend, sexually insatiable as well:

Who knew that about Winona Ryder?

And that’s all the news fit to complain about.

And still talking a load of Bols:

From the Everybody Panic!!! Department:

...that’s “monkeypox” to you and me, but it was changed to “Mpox” lest Al Sharpton got offended.

In the Department of Health:

…

From Straight Talk Central:

...of course he’s right, but that’s soooo intolerant not to mention rayciss.  And speaking of raycissm:

...so is the U.S. Olympic Basketball team proof of Reconstruction legacy, then?  Asking for a friend.

From the War Department:

...and why not?  Are they not the equals of men?
#MeToo

...and let’s draft her first.
#WaitWhat #ElvisPresley

From the Travel Agency:

...and all that money wasted on a Third World airport.

From the Ministry of Truth:

...if he were the President of the Planet Zarg, perhaps.  But here on Planet Earth:

...I wonder how he got that done?

In Election News:

...can’t keep a good woman down, can ya?

...guess he discovered the truth of Hymietown.  [/Jesse Jackson]  Also:

…“but but but the Jews have always voted for us before!”

Let’s indulge in some contemplation of 

   

   ...when life imitates The Matrix.

...never mind the heartbreak, here’s the lissome Olivia:

And that’s all the news worth spreading.

Wait, I thought it was always Black people forced into doing the cleaning… or have I been lied to?  Anyway:

From the Police Blotter (NYC Division):

...of course he did;  they’re not Republicans, are they?

In Parish Notes (Islam Division):

...insha’Allah.

From The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

...and for a bonus, he came in (illegally) through their Ukranian refugee program.  Also:

...for those people who’ve been in a coma for the past ten years.  And back Over Here:

...here’s a suggestion for his 17th:

…

...anyone getting sick of this?  I’m not.

...sorry, but we’re running low on avgas, thanks to FJB.

And the final word on this topic:

...ya thank?

And speaking of someone who should be tossed out of a helicopter:

...is she threatening us, or just harking back to all the violence (but not murders) the last time Trump won in November?  Anyway as I recall, it was her crowd doing all the violence.

And that’s not all #OrangeManBadTweeter is going to do:

...when did Fauxcahantas become Nostradamus?

...just STFU and sing, dude.

And moving on with some 

  (…6.5″)

...uphold the family tradition and have his sister-in-law die in a car “accident”?

...huh?  Let’s remind ourselves who we’re talking about, here:

Way too skinny for my taste, but surely there’s someone…

And on that despairing note, we end the news.

Aaaahhhh… Australians, keeping it classy as always.

In Everybody Panic! News:

...♫ ♪ ♫ won’t be fooled again ♪ ♫  [/Peter Townsend]

...published 96 hours ago.  I report, you decide.

...the line of volunteers starts behind me, and quit that shoving, y’all.

Speaking of vermin:

...fuck me, y’all can’t even stop killing each other on your very own holiday.

In The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

...our Nigel may want to look to the rather elegant “Greek Solution”:

...too bad this approach wouldn’t work in the Rio Grande.

...the Strylians were never going to go for the”Greek Solution” — unless of course the Chinese migrants were unvaccinated.

...send him to Greece.  By boat.

...dunno about you, but I’m not shocked at all.  In some Kraut cities, it’s 100%.

In Political News:

...if by “many”, you mean “all”, Tommy:  then yes, yes there is.

...you had me at “Anna Paulina Luna”:

And in the Corporate Bonehead Department:

...which means no more of this:

...or this:

...or even this:

...you stupid, stupid cunts.

And speaking of…

...of course she did.  Just imagine if it were a man who’d done it:  oh, the lamentations.

...of course it was.  I wonder who pays this “expert’s” salary?

And in still more meaningless 

  

...welcome to a man’s world, sweetheart.

And as we saunter down :

...one of the better examples thereof, I think:

And speaking of lying, that’s the end of the news.