Category: Bad News

They’ll never catch on.   Anyway, speaking of lies:

Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:

...because if all they spoke was the truth, there’d be no “climate change” doctrine, period.

...for “planet” read “Catholic Church”.

…

...and the Taiwanese yawn.  Also, F- for the fucking awful puns.

In the Dept. of Irony:

...black pot, meet kettle.  (Vince Foster and Jeffrey Epstein were unavailable for comment.)

In Technology News:

...[yawn] let me know when they come in .45 ACP.

From the Tourism Bureau:

...thus making Europe’s most expensive hotels now stratospheric.

In Political News:

...and yet, amazingly, in that 11-day period he’s still managed to vote fifteen times, three times each per bill.
#TypicalDemocratVoting

...I’m hoping for a higher death toll, myself.  (no link because PPV)

...I’m just amazed that there’s a Target still open in St. Louis.

From the Dept. of Health:

...and he was related to her.
#ScourgeThenExecute

And from the Dept. of Education:

...because grades are so, like, rayciss.

...in which we play our ever-popular game of “Guess The Race”.

...or even with young boys.

In the department known as 

     

Finally. on Paige Three:

...let’s see what’s so bad about this bikini, shall we, that FecesBook is getting agitated:

Nope;  not much more to see here (other than the usual).  And from the recently-finished tournament at Augusta National:

You most certainly can, sweetheart.  And that’s the news.

So let’s look at the news, which will also cause you to break wind.

From the Dept. of Health, Nutrition and Religion:

...tastes like shit, is bad for you:  just like vegans themselves, I’m told.

Speaking of religions:

…

And while we’re on the Jew-Hate train of thought:

...wait:  sexual activity?  If looking at those Holocaust pics gives you a woody, you need help.

From the Dept. of Education:

...this all started when the courts decided that illegal immigrant children were entitled to free state education.
#DontCare #ReapTheWhirlwind

...Go Huskers!  And while we’re there:

...sadly, only in rural areas, where there isn’t too much danger from random assholes.  In the city schools, however, where there IS that kind of danger, the schools need to rely on the cops.
#UvaldeAgain

Still with the kiddies:

...but but but…isn’t underage sex illegal!  You mean making something illegal doesn’t end the problem?

From the Lawn Order News Desk:

...and of course he will;  in 2050, when it’s used against his side.

...at gunpoint, perhaps?  I think he just means “run them over”. [/Insty]
#NudgeNudgeWinkWink

And The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© continues apace:

...promises made by government, promises not kept by government.  Welcome to the U.S.A.
#CivicsLesson

In the Romance Dept.:

...errrrr no, I think you’ll find it was actually the heroin.
#AutopsyReport

And now for some linkless 

         

And living in :

...actually, she’s always been kinda fond of the sparkly dress stuff:

And on that powerfully-erotic note, we end the news.

And if ever we needed beer:

...I don’t wanna say “I told you so!!” but…

And completely unrelated to the above:

...no, you shouldn’t buy “an” AR-15.  You should buy at least two because, as the old saying goes, “Two is one and one is none.”  Three would be better, and four (one or two for you, and a couple for your friends, if needed) is just dandy.

Some International News:

...wait:  Japan’s getting upset by this?  It has to be bad.

...not so nice when it happens to you Arab assholes, is it?
#Payback

...and then were promptly arrested for destroying an endangered species, I bet.

Some Murkin News:

...name ONE, asshole.  Get specific.

...did they overturn Kelo?  No?  Then nobody cares.

...priorities:  they’re important.

And in the Dept. of Education:

...it’s called “free enterprise”, guys;  leave her alone, dammit.  Also, keyword:  Houston.

In Business News:

…

And now, ’tis time for  

...welcome to the boys’ club, honey.

And on that note, it’s time for our little journey down  :

Unlike the news, that’s just the way we like it.

Starting off with Global Warming Climate Cooling Change©:

...or, “How To Fuck Up A State, just Like Gavin Newsom Does”.

...unexpectedly.  Lessee:  cars that nobody wants, “renewable” energy sources that don’t work, “green” infrastructure that is more harmful than what it’s replacing… can’t imagine why people would want to bail on it all.

And in more Economic News:

...FJB.

From The Swamp:

...yeah, but they’ll find some way of bringing the fucking thing back to life.  You heard it here first. (UPDATE:  told you so.)

From Police Files:

...cops planting evidence?  Say it ain’t so.

...also to be found in the Dept. Of The Blindingly Obvious.

...in Chicago, that is a routine traffic stop.

From the Dept. of Education:

...forget it, Jake Glenn;  it’s California.

...perhaps the WashGov should ban horny teachers instead of natural gas?  Just a thought.

...nature studies, so to speak.  Very educational.

...I remember back when the Nazis referred to Physics as the “Jewish” science.  Oh how we laughed at them, the idiots...

...from Glenn’s mouth to God’s ear.

In the Hearts Of Stone Dept:

...on the one hand, it could be said that OLAS was really looking after him (not);  but on the other hand, maybe he was one of those priests (if you know what I mean), and just got what he deserved...

And in today’s 

   

And in :

...apparently, they signify something or other (see link).

I have to say that I find her kinda plain-looking (like Lady Gaga?).

And that’s the news.

Let’s kick off with some good news, from the Dept. Of Education:

…

And from the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Temple:

...oh FFS.

From the Department of Irony:

...who as I recall voted for Biden over Trump, 53% – 47%.

From the Parish Newsletter:

...good thing he’s Anglican and not Catholic, or that Commie Pope would have got it all.

In Dietary News:

...does this mean I shouldn’t be eating Twinkies with my breakfast gin?

...relax, Jake;  it’s New York fucking City.

In the Dept. of Wokery:

...coming from a guy who really needs a swift slap in the face.

...I didn’t even know that the National Organization For Women was still around.  Kinda like the NRA for Cat Ladies, I guess.

...so that when someone tells him to “Go fuck yourself”, he can.

...horribly-overpriced clothes, woke company:  it’s your purchase decision, so be my guest.

In Election News:

...Karl Rove, Karl Rove… who was he, again?  Oh yeah, the guy behind the loss of the election to Barack Obama.  Oh, and the Jan 6 protestors are not thugs, you asshole.

Now for some Adolescent Shooting News:

...silly boy;  if he’d just waited a few years, he could have shot Russians and been a national hero.

News from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

…

In link-free 

…

And in our journey into the  :

Abandon hope all ye who enter here, I think.

And that’s the news.

Hey, speaking of fallen icons:

...well, duh, Steve — we all knew that a long time ago.

...still persisting with the con, I see.

Some more Scumbag News (Sex Division):

...normally I’d be wondering what took so long;  but this asshole redefines the term “scumbag”.

And speaking of same:

...and FJB is made in the image of… well, it’s pretty obvious, innit?

Turning to Woke News:

...if she wasn’t otherwise such a socialist tart, I’d love her a lot.

In Medical News:

…

And in other great medical (but non-NHS) news:

...keyword:  Balkans.

In the Department of Economics:

...never mind buying a house;  you need more than that just to buy fucking groceries.

...and from this we learn, children, why government imposes Green-based initiatives (hint:  it’s got nothing to to with the environment).

Military News:

...actually, they should be blaming Trump. [/Democrats]

...best place to hide them, of course.

In guaranteed link-free  

 

...”ex-friend” by now, if she has any sense.

Finally, a brisk stroll down :

...oh, why not end the week with some gratuitous tottywatching?

So let’s all head off to the weekend:

…being the end of the news.