I was going to write a jokey post about the “10 Worst Things That Happened To Us In 2022” or something, when I realized that there was no way I was going to keep it to only ten — cf. Insty: “You’re going to need a bigger blog” — and quite honestly, I can’t find anything funny about any of them.
Nevertheless, I’ll turn it into a joke, because if I get serious, I’m going to head for a tall building in D.C. with a scoped rifle and a case of ammo. You all know what I mean.
So here’s some of the ridiculous shit that happened this past year (no links):
January:
…the way I feel about Washington DC right now, I have mixed feelings about this.
February:
…although it may make the folks at the bank a trifle nervous when you go in to make a deposit.
…even worse is that he complained that “she just lay there”.
March:
…silly Catholics, mistaking “Holy fuck!” for an activity, rather than an expression.
…vagina museum?
April:
…key word: “Scotland”. Still would like to have been there, though: sounds like a decent party.
…which might explain Dennis Rodman, amongst others.
…I think we’ve all had orgasms like that at least once before.
…Method Acting at its finest.
May:
…the competition to see how many tampons someone can fit into their mouth will begin in 3…2…1…
…more likely it’ll end breakfast through mass vomiting at the table.
June:
…throw in the West Coast with another two, and you’ve got a deal. Bonus if you trigger the Big One.
…I got nothing; absolutely nothing.
…only the French could surrender after telling the truth.
COPS have released the mugshots of more than 30 alleged Patriot Front members who were arrested at a Pride event
…now let’s play “Spot The FBI Provocateurs”. I figure about eight, but I’m probably undercounting.
1, 3, 4, 8, 11, 17, 27 and 30.
…just add money. Guaranteed results.
July:
…sheesh, I didn’t even know that Blacks went on cruises.
…yep, and OFF! is now a weapon of mass destruction. JHC.
…sure, like I’m the only one here thinking about getting some of that “cultural appropriation”.
…and you’re not full of shit; you’re excrementally crammed, you Commie bitch.
August:
…nom nom nom BBQ ! (translated from the original Bear).
…leading to the inevitable: “YOU HAD ONE JOB.”
…hey, Numb-Nuts: “Kill It With Fire!” is what’s known as “hyperbole”.
…big deal; pretty much everyone at the FBI could be busted for that.
…oh please: Ukraine is more desirable than New York or California.
…more to the point, we don’t need any of you assholes. As you may soon find out.
…but hanging and the firing squad are too Krool & Hartless.
September:
…of course it isn’t. Only Whites can be guilty of hate speech.
…was she trying to stop the cops from arresting her boyfriend for murder? Yes. Did she deserve to get punched in the face? Also yes.
…she should have bought a lottery ticket instead of hosting a double-header.
…Russians not being known for their ability to swim whilst tied to an anvil.
…ignore Mommy’s screams, Jimmy — she really likes it when I put it in there.
...reading to be followed soon by practical instruction, no doubt. Fucking groomers, shoot them all.
October:
...whatever he says, it had better be good considering all the fine poontang I’ve given him and all the life decisions I’ve entrusted him with over the years.
...and if you didn’t chortle at that headline, we can’t be friends.
…I think I first saw this headline in 1968.
...or to put it another way: we’re gonna go down bonking.
...but paying for it might.
...what were they supposed to do with it? Give it a state funeral?
...but remember: the injured have access to free healthcare.
...duh she’s not supporting Andrew, she’s reminding everyone that she knows who all the players are.
November:
...are you fucking joking?
….lemme tell ya, that placenta stuff is a cast-iron bitch to get off upholstery.
...gotta say that this has not been my experience; although twenty does seem to be overreaching a little.
...a little too late to help John McEnroe, but oh well.
...I’m not a military expert, but I’m pretty sure that barbed wire is not much of a defense against missiles.
...am I the only one wishing that this headline was literally true?
And finally, December:
...yeah, how dare she interfere in her own child’s education? [/teachers’ union]
...you had me at “French surrender”.
...you fuck strangers for money, on camera: what’s to misconceive?
...hey, if Russia was my next-door neighbor, I’d probably do the same.
...and if you know what a “vibrating horned penis ring” is, go and stand in the corner. I had to look it up, and good grief, that’s nasty.
...I’m not sure anyone could write a more African scenario than this.
...should have welcomed him with a fucking bayonet.
...and neither are the (vast) silent majority of car owners.
And that, as they say, is the news for 2022. Quite frankly, I’m surprised we made it all the way through.
So to cheer everyone up, here are a few recent pics of Kelly Brook:
…and one from her not-so-distant past:
Good, wholesome stuff to look at, unlike the news headlines of today.
...I can’t even.
…but let’s move on.
