I have to tell you that if this is true, a lot of men I know are going to live for a VERY long time*.
Masturbation boosts your immune system, helping you fight off infection and illness
So take that, Coronavirus.
“What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a good wank?”
— You can’t beat a good wank.
And now, if you’ll excuse me… oh shuddup, it’s for my health.
*This does not apply to actual wankers, e.g.: