Eternal Life

I have to tell you that if this is true, a lot of men I know are going to live for a VERY long time*.

Masturbation boosts your immune system, helping you fight off infection and illness

So take that, Coronavirus.

“What’s the difference between your girlfriend and a good wank?”
You can’t beat a good wank.

And now, if you’ll excuse me… oh shuddup, it’s for my health.

*This does not apply to actual  wankers, e.g.:


  1. Last time I got a prostate exam my doctor said “It’s perfectly normal to get an erection during a prostate exam.” I replied “I don’t have an erection” and he said “I was talking to myself”.

  2. “…Masturbation boosts your immune system…”
    Does that still work if you need help?

    1. I think it refers to the effects of said activity on the chemical composition of yer body, not the exertion — so you can visit that Thai massage parlor (you told me about) as often as your wallet allows.

    1. If that’s the case, when I die they’ll have to beat my prostate to death with a stick.

  3. Sex is like the card game Bridge.

    You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.

  4. This “boost.” Is it like an immunization, good for a lifetime like polio or smallpox or does it wear off the further you get from the last “treatmen” like a tetanus shot?

    Asking for a friend.

    1. Wears off.

      You need regular inoculations.

      Works better if you have a friend help.

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