Desert Island Dames

Some time back, I riffed on the “Desert Island Discs” theme to create a “Desert Island Guns” post, whereupon a couple of you bastards Curious Readers took it upon themselves to ponder about which five women I would like to be marooned on a desert island with (assuming, of course, I was not married and could have my pick of any women in the world).

Five?  Good grief, who do you think I am, Errol Flynn?  Some NBA basketball player?  A 20-year-old boy?

Okay, if the theme for the Guns post was “guns I love to shoot” then here’s my list of the five women I’d love to etc. etc.  In no specific order (because I will not  start a catfight before I even get there):

1)  Salma Hayek.  I love that accent, she seems like fun, and as for the rest, ’nuff said:Downside is that being Mexican, she’s probably jealous as hell, but there ya go.

 2 ) Carol Vorderman.  Apart from her obvious assets, she’s also an engineer and pilot, so during her down time (so to speak) she could fix stuff around the place and fly in supplies of booze and ammo (also Viagra) each week:

3)  Sarah Palin. Apart from her delectability, she cooks and shoots, and I’d love a shooting partner.I know she’s getting a little long in the tooth, but then so am I.

4) Nigella Lawson. Because Sarah’s gonna need time off from cooking for her other activities.  Only I want the earlier, sexier and more bountiful version of Nigella (see below), not the new slimmed-down shrunken model:

5)  Amy Adams.  No way am I going to be marooned without at least one genuine redhead, and Amy is the business:


Helena Bonham Carter.  Because I like a little crazy.

Jennifer Tilly.  Also crazy, and I need someone to play cards with when I’m too tired to do anything else.

Katarina Witt.  No explanation needed.  Also, I need to practice my German.

Monica Bellucci.  Because mama mia.

Juliette Binoche.  French lessons.

And lastly, opera singer Lucy Kay (who can sing me to sleep at night).


  1. Holy shit-balls, Kim .. you’ve been holding out on us, a la Lucy Kay. Had never seen/heard her prior to this morning. Aside from her classical physical attributes, and BTW, I’m a sucker for fine ladies w/ black hair, this woman can sing. I just listened to her rendition of Nessun Dorma .. words fail me .. completely fail me. Pure, raw unabated unadulterated JOY doesn’t even remotely begin to come close.
    Thank you sir .. today you performed a Mitzvah Gadol. Baruch HaShem ..

  2. Nice spread, of age in this collection of lovelies. One age 30, one 45, most of them in their 50’s and a couple early 60’s.

    Reminds me of the old toast – “Here’s to women over 50, they don’t tell, their bellies don’t swell and they’re grateful as hell.”

  3. A lovely collection, to be sure, but I am more curious about how you would construct your island so that none of these beauties knew about the others or were able to interact with each other. One beauty, even one of these probably high-maintenance ones, might be a boon companion, but two, and certainly five together would shortly conspire to make your life a living hell, completely destroying the point of desert island living. Perhaps I take the premise too literally.

    1. I would have a sjambok handy, just to keep them in line. Apparently, chicks dig a dominant man… and where are they gonna run to?

    1. If yer gonna go for older chicks, one of the compromises you have to make is earlier partners’ access to their pudenda.
      That said, you have a point — which is probably why HBC didn’t make the first string.

  4. If you are looking at Jennifer Tilly and thinking about playing cards, you may be too far gone for even Viagra to help!

  5. My wife. All I need. She can do everything any of the others can do, still looks damn hot after 30 years of marriage, and I already got her well-trained (and vice-versa).

    But if I had to have spares, I’d bring along Sandra Bullock and Dana Loesch.

  6. Sigh.

    So many beauties and so little time, opportunity, money, attractiveness and way, way, too many years on the clock.

    But you young buggers can dream on.

  7. More than inclined to do the Desert Isle Shuffle with my wife. She’s brung me this far – first date was 38-years ago this month. That said, mightily glad that Doña Monica or Claudia Cardinale weren’t on deck for that night’s pizza. There was one subsequent occasion though…

    About twenty-odd years ago while shopping I saw two stunning women – my guess mother (38-40?) & daughter (18-20?). After passing (with a double-triple take) along it occurred to me that the older woman had focused my attention. Memorable occasion as it steered 0’0’ to my age at the time (55?) and confirmed the truth of sweet sounds and violins.

    Not familiar with a “sjambok” but I get the drift – from the rift as it may be. Sainted Granny kept a short, braided leather riding quirt – a “rebenque” – strategically hanging in the kitchen. Never knew of “Martín” being used but knowing he was on stand-by encouraged active children to keep it to a low roar. A legacy thing, 2-3 subsequent generations continue the “Spirit of Martín”.

  8. My picks:
    Gwyneth Paltrow
    Whoopi Goldberg
    Amy Schumer
    Rachel Madcow
    Hilary Clinton

    Oh, wait. I thought you were talking about women you’d like to get marooned on an island.

    My bad.

  9. OK, my picks for who I’d like to be marooned on a desert island with:

    Lori Saunders
    …..from “Pettycoat Junction”
    Dawn Wells
    …she knows all about island life
    Teri Farrell
    …I like ’em tall
    Julie Newmar
    …tall and smart
    Olivia Newton-John
    …she can sing me to sleep anytime

  10. Unfortunately, there are some lovelies who are no longer with us. But, in their prime, it’d be…

    Gloria Talbott
    Lola Albright
    Suzanne Pleshette
    Patricia Blair
    Viven Leigh

  11. For me it’d be (in no particular order)

    Bridget Regan
    Laura Benanti
    Deepika Padukone
    Yanet Garcia
    Lena Gercke

    Runners up… well, I’ve been watching a lot of Bollywood films lately and the women tend to be mind-meltingly gorgeous, so….

    Shraddha Kapoor
    Pooja Hegde
    Kriti Sanon
    Nyra Banerjee

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