Some time back, I riffed on the “Desert Island Discs” theme to create a “Desert Island Guns” post, whereupon a couple of you
bastards Curious Readers took it upon themselves to ponder about which five women I would like to be marooned on a desert island with (assuming, of course, I was not married and could have my pick of any women in the world).
Five? Good grief, who do you think I am, Errol Flynn? Some NBA basketball player? A 20-year-old boy?
Okay, if the theme for the Guns post was “guns I love to shoot” then here’s my list of the five women I’d love to etc. etc. In no specific order (because I will not start a catfight before I even get there):
1) Salma Hayek. I love that accent, she seems like fun, and as for the rest, ’nuff said:Downside is that being Mexican, she’s probably jealous as hell, but there ya go.
2 ) Carol Vorderman. Apart from her obvious assets, she’s also an engineer and pilot, so during her down time (so to speak) she could fix stuff around the place and fly in supplies of booze and ammo (also Viagra) each week:
3) Sarah Palin. Apart from her delectability, she cooks and shoots, and I’d love a shooting partner.I know she’s getting a little long in the tooth, but then so am I.
4) Nigella Lawson. Because Sarah’s gonna need time off from cooking for her other activities. Only I want the earlier, sexier and more bountiful version of Nigella (see below), not the new slimmed-down shrunken model:
5) Amy Adams. No way am I going to be marooned without at least one genuine redhead, and Amy is the business:
Helena Bonham Carter. Because I like a little crazy.
Jennifer Tilly. Also crazy, and I need someone to play cards with when I’m too tired to do anything else.
Katarina Witt. No explanation needed. Also, I need to practice my German.
Monica Bellucci. Because mama mia.
Juliette Binoche. French lessons.
And lastly, opera singer Lucy Kay (who can sing me to sleep at night).