Travel Plans

As my own offspring have proved to be utterly shit in the Grandchild Production Process, I have had to resort to marrying someone whose kids (or one of them, anyway), has a clue.

Yes, Angie’s Elder Son has just given us a grandchild.

Sadly, however, he is not local to these climes;  in fact, he married an Oz-chick* a while ago, and… moved to Oz!

[pause to let gasps of horror die away]

You know what this means, right?  Yes… I have to go to Australia in April to wet the baby’s head.  And as any fule kno, this means being exposed to the various (and toxic) forms of Oz wildlife, such as the Brown Snake (and its buddies):

…the Funnel-Web Spider (and its buddies):

We all know about the Sand Tiger Sharks (and their buddies):

…and let’s not even talk about the other species of dangerous Australian fauna:

Thankfully, the last two species (sharks ‘n sluts) pose little danger to me as a.) I never swim in the sea, and b.) I’m taking my own woman with me.

So off I go, to wander ‘midst furriners again… [sigh]


*Some people may wonder why I got involved with a family which is happy to consort with Australians, but hey:  my own Son&Heir has a Canucki-Girlfriend, so we try to be inclusive.  It’s all about Diversity!, isn’t it?


  1. I spent two years living in the outback (well, Alice Springs).

    There’s a lot of nastiness out there (I came *LITERALLY* face to face with one of these while riding a pushbike on a trail outside of town:, but overall it’s a great place to visit.

    And the problem with those, er, women you’re presenting isn’t that their sluts, it’s that the’re slovenly.

    What part are you going to?

  2. Good grief. I heard of the cross-dress gender-disassignment trend. It infested Australia? [shakes worrisome head]

    Ha ha. Only kidding. After years of amusement from Earl Of Taint, I can spot a photoshopped image a mile away.

    How did you get the eyes so lifelike. Very impressive!

  3. I grew up in Sydney and lived in Melbourne for fifteen years.

    If you want some tips on pubs and worthwhile spots around both cities, let me know.

    You are going into a godless gun free place. Except for the law, of course.

    As to the wildlife, assume everything is hostile. Biting ants, stinging caterpillars, deadly jellyfish so small you can’t see them, platypus have venomous spikes.. magpies that dive bomb pedestrians, you name it.

    Still, on the right day it’s a great place, not all the girls are slappers, eg Elle McPherson went to school two suburbs away from where I grew up.


  4. Back in prehistoric times I traveled a bit in that part of the world at Uncle Sam’s expense. My memories of OZ were that their sailors fought all comers over – any and – every thing and the beer was pretty good. When you’re 19 years old all beer is good, especially when somebody else is buying.

  5. I see you have discovered the yearly migration of Bogan women to the Melbourne Cup. You will be glad to know that for most of the year the concentration of this species is much lower, being spread around the major cities of Oz. However, do beware of trendy inner city cafes, especially near universities!

  6. Train-wreck sheilas! Who knew (besides the Aussies, of course). Have a good trip, and stay clear of the wildlife!

  7. Married an Aussie girl 16 years ago, and never regretted it for a minute. The ladies are (mostly) first class, and few are rightly appreciated by the men down under. Don’t make the same mistake.

    Rules to remember when it comes to Aussie critters:

    The sharks eat people.
    The crocodiles eat sharks.
    The snakes eat crocodiles.
    The spiders eat snakes.

    We are definitely NOT at the top of the food chain down there!

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