Better Late Than Never

“But Teddy darling… what if I’m pregnant?”
“Don’t worry, Mary Jo: we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

I see a movie has come out which tells the story of Swimmer Ted Kennedy’s disgraceful behavior in crashing his car into a river, then leaving the young female passenger to die.

I’m really glad this movie was made. Among his many other revolting activities (e.g. conspiring with the Soviets to undermine President Reagan), this is one story that should never be allowed to fade from the public memory, as Ted — surely the meanest and most despicable member of a mean and despicable family — should never be allowed to rest in peace, the fucking bastard.

Oh, and why do I call the Kennedys a mean and despicable family? Here’s their response to the release of “Chappaquiddick”:

“It’s bringing up all that same old Chappaquiddick scandal shit again.”

Lest we forget, the “same old Chappaquiddick scandal shit” involved an innocent woman trapped underwater in a car, drowning while Edward Fucking Kennedy was watching the bubbles float to the surface and pondering his political future.

I don’t know, nor do I want to know where this asshole is buried because I would be forever tempted to go and pour a bottle of Scotch over his grave — after first passing it through my kidneys, of course.


    1. I find it interesting that someone finally grew enough of a pair to stand against the Kennedy clan and buck the legend that Ol’ Joe tried so hard to front. Looking back on all the Kennedy sons, the only one (in my opinion) worth any acclaim was Joe who gave his life in service to his country. The others went on from scandal to cover-up and back again, always depending on the family fortune to bail them out.

      One more thing that amazes me is that that same fortune wasn’t able to stop the movie. Are they finally running out of money? Or could it be that the latest generations of Kennedys just don’t care about trying to hold this threadbare dynasty together anymore?

      1. No. The family has $billions safely stashed in Fiji far from the tax collectors they set loose on the rest of us.

        They have run out of clout with each generation being even dumber than the last.

      2. Greed and more greed. Teddy’s gone and can do nothing for them now. Why waste money?

      3. Supposedly, Joe Jr was the one Sr intended to have run for President. He died getting a radio controlled bomber into position for use against a German rocket launching position. Blew up before he could bail out.
        He was flying it because it was a guaranteed medal mission. He needed some awards to help with the intended political life.
        Really tragic thing was the intended target was not in use, so it was a loss all around. That, and they eventually figured out that just a bunch of explosives falling on them wasn’t very effective against reinforced concrete structures. Penetrating bombs were required.

    2. I firmly believe the scandal that revealed Arlington had buried veterans under the wrong name was a dark conspiracy to prevent my bladder from paying Teddy his proper respects.
      A funeral pyre would have been more fitting. The old sot would have gone up like flash paper.

    3. The fact he’s buried in Arlington is the chief reason I don’t go wet down his grave.

  1. Some years ago my wife and I took a trip to Nantucket with two other couples (and a two year old who’s now 20, and to this day I’m GLAD the frikkin’ dinosaurs went extinct after spending a week listening to one Barney tape, but I digress). On the ferry ride there we saw Swimmer in his boat, and one of the ladies (thankfully not my wife) was all aflutter over seeing him, yelling “Mr. Kennedy!” and waving until he got his attention and he waved back. I made some comments about hearing he was a good swimmer which got me a dirty look.

    Never understood the fascination.

    I forget where I saw it, but after Ted croaked someone made a comment to the effect that Heaven owes Mary Jo an apology if they don’t allow her a monthly day-pass to Hell with a sharp knife, a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.

  2. IIRC, autopsy showed that Mary Jo died from asphyxiation, meaning she died when she ran out of air.

  3. I grew up in central Massachusetts and always despised the Kennedy’s. A corrupt, arrogant, entitled, immoral, lying pack of hyenas.

  4. If I were King for a Day, I’d have that turd disinterred from Arlington, where he stains honored ground, and throw his carcass to some hog farmer’s pigs; or maybe through a woodchipper first to grind the bones, then to the pigs.
    Once the pigs shit him out for fertilizer, it will be the only thing he ever did good for the USA.

  5. The Kennedys- proof positive that the aristocratic principle doesn’t work.
    They’re trying with the Clintons now, but the most remarkable thing about them is that Bill & Hill were able to produce a spawn with the same lack of appeal and charisma as a 4th Gen Kennedy in only one generation.

  6. Some years ago, an investigator for her family wrote a book detailing some of his findings. His conclusion was that Teddy rolled the car when he blew a corner in that farming area near the bridge. Went and got some help/friends, and pushed the car back onto the wheels. They thought she was dead, but apparently just knocked out and unresponsive. They were mostly drunk, and it was foggy and dark. They came up with the idea that he would look better if he drove off the edge of that low bridge, instead of crashing while drunk.
    They set a prop against the gas pedal, tied a rope or belt around the outside mirror to the steering wheel, and shoved the gearshift into drive. He spent time diving down to the car to retrieve the steering strap and pedal prop. Car was upside down. Mary Jo, disoriented from a severe concussion, ended up with her head in an air pocket, until running out of oxygen. Her sweater was found with dried blood on the front from the rollover injuries (Took time to arrange the activities, while the blood was drying. Wouldn’t have been there if the injuries were suffered in the water.)

    There were photos of the car when it sat in the tow/impound yard included in the book. I showed the photos to my father, who was an auto body man all his life. Didn’t let him see the rest of the book, and asked him what the damage was from. Instant response: “that’s a soft roll into a farmer’s field. Easy fix”. Not into water? : “Hell no”. I then asked about the rearview mirror hanging on the door: “that’s from a tow driver tying the steering wheel. Probably the first and last time he’ll do that. They’re too weak, and come loose like that when the wheels hit a curb or pothole. Need to tie to the door frame or seat frame”. That bridge had a curb running along the roadway edge, but no railing or other obstruction to driving off.

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