Seeing as we’re at December 7, perhaps we should do a little historical review:
I guess we’re all buddy-buddy with the Japanese now; but just as a reminder to the NorKs, let’s review what happened to the people who caused the above explosion not too long afterwards:
General advice: When it comes to the USA, don’t ever mistake “gentleness” for “weakness”… you bastards.
So maybe yer Mom wasn’t so wrong when she told you that if you touched yourself, you’d go blind. Although in this case, it wasn’t wanking, but shagging:
A man had to go to hospital after becoming blind in one eye when he orgasmed too hard during sex, research has revealed.
According to a paper in the British Medical Journal the ‘29-year-old man presented to the emergency eye clinic reporting an obstruction in the central vision of his left eye, which he had noticed on waking that morning’.
Doctors guessed that the man performed a Valsalva maneuveur, in other words the tensing of abdominal muscles, straining and holding your breath, in which air is forced against a closed windpipe and pressure increases in the chest.
This pressure resulted in the popping of blood vessel in the eye of the unfortunate man after an episode of ‘vigorous sexual intercourse’, doctors concluded after speaking to him, the study said.
‘The diagnosis was unclear and the patient was asked to return for follow-up three days later.
‘At this visit, he saw a different clinician who asked direct questions about the patient’s sexual activity.
‘The patient then reported an episode of vigorous sexual intercourse on the evening preceding the onset of symptoms. This directed history led to the diagnosis of postcoital valsalva retinopathy. Valsalva retinopathy is managed conservatively and is a self-resolving condition with an excellent prognosis.’
In other words, relax and enjoy your problem. But that wasn’t the only interesting thing about this episode.
Haematologists have also found Valsalva manoeuvre can also produce memory loss.
The intense pressure in the brain’s blood vessels resulted in temporary lack of blood flow to the central part of the brain, which in turn, resulted in amnesia, a 1998 study found.
The Valsalva manoeuvre is thought to cause global amnesia in one person in 10,000 and in one reported case, the manoeuvre lead to a ruptured blood vessel in a patient’s neck.
This may be why you can’t remember her name the next morning, but good luck telling her it’s Valsalva; she’ll probably retort that you didn’t use any lube. You bastard.
Women seem to have no sense of humor about this kind of thing.
Afterthought: When did “orgasm” become a verb? Or did I just miss the memo (again)?
If ever you want to know why Britain’s leaving the EU (“Brexit”) is not only a Good Thing, but absolutely vital, here’s proof:
A change in European Union rules could see doner kebabs banned across the continent, infuriating takeaways and fast-food lovers.
The European Union’s legislature is moving to ban the phosphates used in the slabs of meat at the heart of the popular street snack that originated in Turkey.
Up-in-arms kebab vendors in Germany have skewered the idea.
EU lawmakers are citing health concerns based on studies that linked phosphates to cardiovascular disease.
Just so we’re all clear what’s being discussed here, this is what these tools want to ban:
Lamb Shwarma happens to be one of my favorite “fast foods”; and nobody tell my kids about this or else there’ll be murders (as they say Over Here). Along with pizza and crêpes, doner was one of their staple street foods when we traveled together in Euroland: cheap, filling and delicious; and if these disappeared from Europe, it would be a major disincentive to go there. I’m not kidding.
And if the above pic has made yer mouth start to water, I’m sorry (not really).
It occurs to me that of late I may have been giving women a hard time on this here website, and I’ve also been discussing various examples of female pulchritude in my usual drooling Male Bastard fashion, so my Lady Readers may be getting a little ticked off.
Here then, in the interests of balance, is something for said Lady Readers:
I have no idea who he is (British, to judge from the label — “What label?” I hear you ask), so go ahead and just look at him like a sex object.
I owe you all one.
Comments, on this post, are restricted to the Ladies.
H.L. Mencken once said: “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”
Here, I would suggest, is one of those times. One of the features of the Christmas season Over Here is the parade of the Festive Coca-Cola truck through the towns of Britishland:
Needless to say, this simple festive gesture/marketing campaign has fallen foul of the Usual Fucking Killjoys:
Head of Public Health England says annual marketing campaign targets areas where children suffer from higher rates of tooth decay and obesity
No doubt this tool’s Murkin counterparts are going to copy this rationale and target our beloved Budweiser Clydesdales for similar treatment, on grounds of beer-drunkenness.
On the advice of Mr. Mencken, therefore, allow me to offer this simple thought: