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Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
News Roundup
They’ll never catch on. Anyway, speaking of lies:
Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© News:
...because if all they spoke was the truth, there’d be no “climate change” doctrine, period.
...for “planet” read “Catholic Church”.
…
...and the Taiwanese yawn. Also, F- for the fucking awful puns.
In the Dept. of Irony:
...black pot, meet kettle. (Vince Foster and Jeffrey Epstein were unavailable for comment.)
In Technology News:
...[yawn] let me know when they come in .45 ACP.
From the Tourism Bureau:
...thus making Europe’s most expensive hotels now stratospheric.
In Political News:
...and yet, amazingly, in that 11-day period he’s still managed to vote fifteen times, three times each per bill.
#TypicalDemocratVoting
...I’m hoping for a higher death toll, myself. (no link because PPV)
...I’m just amazed that there’s a Target still open in St. Louis.
From the Dept. of Health:
...and he was related to her.
#ScourgeThenExecute
And from the Dept. of Education:
...because grades are so, like, rayciss.
...in which we play our ever-popular game of “Guess The Race”.
...or even with young boys.
In the department known as 
Finally. on Paige Three:
...let’s see what’s so bad about this bikini, shall we, that FecesBook is getting agitated:
Nope; not much more to see here (other than the usual). And from the recently-finished tournament at Augusta National:
You most certainly can, sweetheart. And that’s the news.
“Dear Dr. Kim”
“Dear Dr. Kim,
“I have a son aged 38. He has a partner and three children. My husband and I feel as though we’ve been cut off because we haven’t seen any of them since Christmas 2019. One of his sons was born in 2021, so we haven’t even met him.
“There hasn’t been a falling out – it seems that we have just drifted into this situation. The main problem is his partner. She used to claim that we never made the effort to see them, even though we were always the ones who messaged and made plans.
“In fact they never once came to us. It always felt like we did all the running – but this wasn’t good enough for her. The longer the situation has gone on, the harder it is to see a way out.
“Our daughter and my elderly father have also heard nothing from our son. He has cut himself off from the whole family. But I know that as soon as someone dies he will want his share of any inheritance.
“Dr. Kim, I’m at a loss as to what to do.”
Dear Loose:
It sounds very much like you’ve come across the dreaded “Poontang Over Parents” situation. In these situations, it’s often a terrible thing when your son chooses the former option, but as much as I make light of the problem, it’s not at all a nice thing.
The part of your letter that bothers me is this: “I know that as soon as someone dies he will want his share of any inheritance.”
Right now, you’re being stiffed from the love and joy one should expect from grandchildren — fucking hell, it’s the only upside of having your own kids in the first place — and there’s only one way to head off this little bit of avaricious spite.
Actions have consequences, and your asshole of a son (and the bitch he’s hooked up with) will need to learn this lesson ASAP.
You and your husband should prepare a joint Last Will & Testament now (I’ll explain the “now” in a moment). In it, make sure to specify that Loving Son will get nothing, nada, bupkes from your estate, ever, and your daughter and her family (whom you love and who loves you back) will get it all. Be sure to explain why, in as scathing or hurt tones as you can manage (your lawyer will doubtless be able to offer good advice thereon).
Then send him a copy (with receipt signature required, to prove that he actually got it). Don’t put a cover letter with the will; just let the thing stand all by itself.
Yes, this may exacerbate the situation, but let’s be honest here: how much worse can it get?
And why should you do this now? Simply put, if you do it later, the little shit may contest the will, claiming that you and your husband were “mentally impaired by advanced age” or whatever the legal term is, so it’s in your best interests to make that a non-issue.
I am truly sorry that you are being put through this, but right now there’s not much else you can do. Pleading with him to change his behavior will just give the Bitch Girlfriend satisfaction.
By the way, I’m accepting your assertion that their behavior is indeed unwarranted. If it turns out that you or your husband said or did something unpleasant to the girlfriend, then you are the ones seeing the consequences of your actions.
— 
Got Me Thinking
Here’s a little snippet:
…and here’s a pic of the slag herself:
Ugh.
Let me tell you, the only way I’d be tempted into spending money on something like this is if the offer was for this model:
And I’d pay a premium for the “Sexy Contralto Italian Accent” option.
Monday Funnies
Let’s begin the Monday lesson:
And to alleviate the suffering, some random totty from my ” You Probably Shouldn’t Post That Online” folder:
Now hit the beach… or something.
News Roundup
So let’s look at the news, which will also cause you to break wind.
From the Dept. of Health, Nutrition and Religion:
...tastes like shit, is bad for you: just like vegans themselves, I’m told.
Speaking of religions:
…
And while we’re on the Jew-Hate train of thought:
...wait: sexual activity? If looking at those Holocaust pics gives you a woody, you need help.
From the Dept. of Education:
...this all started when the courts decided that illegal immigrant children were entitled to free state education.
#DontCare #ReapTheWhirlwind
...Go Huskers! And while we’re there:
...sadly, only in rural areas, where there isn’t too much danger from random assholes. In the city schools, however, where there IS that kind of danger, the schools need to rely on the cops.
#UvaldeAgain
Still with the kiddies:
...but but but…isn’t underage sex illegal! You mean making something illegal doesn’t end the problem?
From the Lawn Order News Desk:
...and of course he will; in 2050, when it’s used against his side.
...at gunpoint, perhaps? I think he just means “run them over”. [/Insty]
#NudgeNudgeWinkWink
And The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© continues apace:
...promises made by government, promises not kept by government. Welcome to the U.S.A.
#CivicsLesson
In the Romance Dept.:
...errrrr no, I think you’ll find it was actually the heroin.
#AutopsyReport
And now for some linkless 
And living in 
:
...actually, she’s always been kinda fond of the sparkly dress stuff:
And on that powerfully-erotic note, we end the news.