Ripped from the headlines:
FFS. You mean, “…left us standing for hours”?
Once again, in the words of the late great Tony Dennis Farina: “You guys invented the language; why don’t you fucking speak it?”
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
News Roundup
And to help with yer digestion, some news from the Dept. of Education:
...yee haaa.
…
And speaking of boners:
...of course she wasn’t. She was just showing a Gen Z pupil the facts of life, all part of a rounded belly education.
...keyword: Mahinarangi.
And speaking of motherhood, there’s some Election News:
...what, they’re using moms to print the fake ballots now?
...Insty’s being sarky, Insty is. As is Sarah:
…
From the Sweet Dreams Dept.:
...meanwhile, over in the U.S.A. on that date:
In the Hearts Of Stone Dept.:
...ethnic background of our amputee not mentioned, but...
Also:
…
And finally:
...probably because they lead miserable lives? Just a wild guess.
Speaking of miserable little bitches, here’s the Media News:
...how short do you want the answer to be?
And in the EVERYBODY PANIC !!! News:
...[insert “Islam” joke here]
And in Entertainment News:
...something about being “too figure-conscious” , I think. Anyway, at least she’s free from all those silly Disney rules and can start to enjoy her life a little:
...keyword: Dublin.
…and:
...in two words:
And in the latest 
And living in 
:
...why am I having trouble believing her? Anyway:
And that’s it for the Roundup.
My Daily Earworm
I am normally an even-tempered man, despite what you may have heard or incorrectly deduced from my feverish rants on these very pages. But I do have an extremely low irritation threshold, which gives the lie to the above. Allow me to illustrate the point.
I generally wake up in the morning a little after New Wife leaves for work, or a considerable time later if I had a late night.
Whatever the time, my first activity after leaving the bedroom is to make myself a cup of coffee, and some explanation thereof is in order.
Because I am often concentrating on writing this blog, I often forget about the coffee, yea even though it rests but a few inches from my hand.
So a while back, I decided to take action to remedy this circumstance, and started using an insulated metal mug (cheap, from Academy). It works really well, but here’s where the problem starts.
You see, after I’ve dumped my sugar in the coffee, I tap the spoon three times on the rim lightly, to shake off any extraneous sugar granules into the coffee. And the musical sound the spoon makes on the full metal cup is exactly same as the opening three chords of the Kingsmen’s horrible Louie, Louie song.
So those opening chords make it almost impossible for me not to continue humming the whole bloody intro, and that makes: EARWORM. Which persists in its brain-rattle until I can sit down and open up a decent song video on EwwwChoob and banish the fucking thing from my consciousness.
Until I make myself a cuppa the next morning, whereupon the whole bloody thing starts all over again.
And of all the songs ever written, I would submit to the jury that Louie, Louie is quite possibly the worst earworm material of all time.
I know, I know: “But Kim,” you may ask (and quite reasonably so), “all you have to do is to stop tapping your spoon on the rim!”
Might as well expect me not to snarl every time I see Jane Fonda’s face on TV, or not to start playing with my M4 bayonet when Chuck Schumer makes the news.
No, I’m afraid that this particular habit is far too deeply ingrained for me to stop it just like that. Of course, were I actually awake when I stagger into the kitchen then I might be able to consciously forestall the tapping, but that would be to miss the whole point of making coffee so soon after getting out of bed.
Hence my irritation first thing in the morning. Don’t blame me; it’s the fucking Kingsmen’s fault.
I’m getting grumpy just thinking about it.
Monday Funnies
WELCOME TO THE MONDAY PARTY !!!!!!
And in we dive:
And related:
And to end the thing on a brighter note:
Must be Irish, with that coloring. To continue with the Irish theme:
Quote Of The Day
From Kenny:
While I’ve never had nor wanted one, Lisa enjoys her gay coffee drinks from Starbucks, insisting on getting one every time we go to Gallatin where the nearest Starbucks is located.
Naturally it’s in a spot that’s a royal pain in the ass to get into or leave due to traffic, and to add insult to injury, they take forfuckingever to make it. I’m serious, there’s always a few cars in front of us, so we can figure on at least a 20 to 30 minute wait. It may be a shorter time if I was to park and go inside to get it, but I absolutely refuse to step inside due to liberal germs. It’s bad enough a liberal company was getting our money.
You had me at “gay coffee drinks” and “liberal germs”…
News Roundup
Speaking of fresh meat, there’s news from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:
...I’m thinking:
followed by: 
...and the same as above for whoever signed off on his release.
...and in other news on NPR, Hitler commits suicide.
Some SEX NEWS:
...because of course they are. Can hardly be worse than the real thing.
...or, as the old advert goes, “UNION — OUI” Of course, they’d only be messing up the Paris Olympics, so
...and the people are sad:
...and her answer is always: “I just use Scotch instead.”
...more like Dubai-on-Thames, but we’ve talked about that before.
In local news:
...and about damn time, too. However, the full court will no doubt override the panel.
#9thCircuitAreCommies.
Then from the Department of Education:
...I’m guessing because that if he could, he’d be too old for her.
...I can’t decide whether “witch” is more objectionable than “genderqueer”. Taken together, of course, there should be a hanging. Of whichever school official thought this was a neat idea.
Time for some EVERYBODY PANIC!!!! News:
...note: “could”. Or… “probably won’t”.
#WeaselWordAlert
And for some totally 
...not Salma Hayek? Then nobody cares, honey.
And in our stroll down 
:
...did somebody say “LINGERIE”???
And that’s the news covered.