Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

News Roundup

Bad News

…brought to you by:

So off we go:


…bloody hell, if Britain is your tax haven, how bad is California?


…oh shut the fuck up, you ugly tart.  You lucked into fame, a luxury lifestyle and a multi-billion dollar divorce payout, but you’re still whining and butthurt.  What more do you want?


…as opposed to all those wonderful constitutions written by noble Africans of yore… oh wait:  they couldn’t write?  Never mind.


…as the nation cheers.


…proof that even to liberals, they look the same.

From the Dept Of Covidiocy:


…dumbass Kiwis:  did they not get the memo that Covid has been replaced by Ukraine/Putin as the bogeyman du jour?


…damn Catholics, mistaking “Holy fuck!” for an activity, rather than an expression.


…trust me:  unity with Commies isn’t such a great prospect for us, either.


…and while we’re there, let’s have the U.S. pull out of the Warsaw Pact too.  Dumb bitch. 


…say what?  To quote the late, great Dennis Farinha:  “You guys invented the language;  why don’t you fucking speak it?”


…and wait till you read what else they turned into weapons.


…you mean, worse than Selma, even?  This race hustler needs a swift kick to the head.

As for INSIGNIFICA:

 

And finally:


…and yes they did, in a triumph for chubby MILFs everywhere.

However, when she was younger:

 

And then came the Train Smash:  booze, pills, drugs, motherhood, tattoos, etc.:

And all this happened to someone who had (and still has) a lovely singing voice, and bundles of acting talent.

Sad, really.  I preferred her about a decade ago:

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

First it was TGIF;  now it’s OGIM.  Proof:

So let’s just laugh sourly… with a little help from a friend:

 

  …and cocaine.


(an actual exchange between me and Mr. Free Market)

And some random tart I found SOTI:

Apparently, she’s a sports reporter on Romanian TV — which is probably why sport is so popular over there.

News Roundup

Bad News

…is brought to you by:


…and by golly, you’re going to wish you had a pipe going by the time this is all over.


…bringing to us a new (and foul) term:  Christian Woke.


…actually, we’re pissed off at the government’s response to Covid-19.


…warning:  that’s going to be a long read.


…which is a lot better than me — I ignored it completely.


…okay, so it’s not all bad news, especially if you follow the link to see the reaction.


…and the good news keeps on coming.  Still in Georgia:


…aw Hersh, not you too.


…people are still getting arrested for this?


…undoubtedly a Bad Thing:  unless it takes out Portland, of course, and then we can call it a tie.


…key word:  Wisconsin.  Trying to beat Ed Gein to the title, she was.  Damn.

And now:  INSIGNIFICA.

     

And speaking of Da Nooz, here’s the BBC’s own Katie Derham, who it must be said looks quite delectable for a chick broad woman in her early 50s:

 

…and that, as they say, is the news for today.

Counting Blessings

Mocking Furriners

The other day I was in the car and, tiring of my own thoughts, turned on the radio — a BIG mistake if ever there was one.  What a load of shit, never mind the channel, and for the umpteenth time I mourned the passing of Rush Limbaugh.

Still, could have been worse:  I could live in the Orkney Islands.  Courtesy of Mr. Ishmael comes this little diatribe:

The local, PBC Radio Morning Abo, it is unimaginably hateful to me – cod accents, stagey linguistic anachronism and that hissing, Presbyterian bigotry and racism, the moral compassing of the amoral Gordon Snot, that sort of snooty, son of the Manse preachiness – and the English on that show are even worse, they all sound like David and Ruth Archer, relentless, sinister bullies, determinedly earnest and sanctimonious, people Living the Quality of Life Dream, living in a hovel, with a rusty Land-Rover, vile children and a couple of sickly goats which they should be banned from keeping. They all go back South, these people, lacking the inner resources required for island life, vulnerable beyond the fortifications of the M25 and the M42. The Radio Orkney news is generally along the lines of There’s a big puddle on the road to Stromness; sheep are fetching X poonds at the mart; for the fourteenth year in succession, Mrs Annie Scragg has won the neeps’n’tatties pie-making competition at the Mucksville Women’s Guild; fairmers have expressed concern aboot the geese annoying the coos and eatin’ the seed and the weather is set to be sunny, windy, wintry, fine, warm, very cold with sleet and snow, calm with gale force winds.

I have felt and seen hypodermic needles injecting anaesthetic into my eyeballs and so I know of what I speak when I say I would rather stick pins in my eyes than listen to Radio Orkney.

The evening show is worse; they have music on it, local music. I saw it once, in a community hall, that Jimmy Shand Polka music; I thought, not for the first time, that I had wandered into a horror film; there was a skeletal old woman, must’ve been eighty, thumbing away, deftly, at a huge Fender Precision bass guitar, a wee fat man wrestling with one of those fucking awful Hohner piano-keyed accordions, not a concertina, a big, shiny fuck-off thing, the only appropriate setting for which is in an Austrian Nazi oom-pah band – quite how that is traditional to the Northern Isles I’m buggered if I know – and there was a weedy teenager, snapping a Polka beat from a tiny wee snare drum. It is a matter of taste, of course but I enjoy many, many types of music, from all over the world and have even heard some amazing world music right here and yet I couldn’t find a space in my mind for this stuff. I couldn’t move, I felt as though I had been turned to lead.

Good grief;  Jimmy Shand?  [no link, for humanitarian reasons]

Not even Mark Levin or Sean Whatsisname can cause such anguish.