So blowing up the week with Teh Funneez…
And speaking of those things:
Now get off your ass, and go to work. It’s Monday, FFS.
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
News Roundup
Ah yes: let’s play “mock the Southerner”. Then again, rather them than the Juneteenth celebrants.
...and for once, playing “Guess The Race?” is completely redundant.
Our new feature, Anus News:
...as the next item will reveal:
…
And speaking of assholes:
...he should have charged them with theft, or shot them on site. See the link for details.
Some Pervert News:
...actually, no. We really, really hate you.
...I think “Hang The Groomer” should be part of every right-thinking curriculum.
...see above.
Some news from the Bureaucracy:
...clearly, the local government doesn’t have enough to do — which, if you’ve ever been to Galveston, you’d know isn’t true. Everything that’s wrong with government is contained in this report.
International News:
...frankly, I’m amazed at their restraint.
...ah yes, the argument between the Gourd Group and the Sandal Followers rages on, yea unto the 21st century.
...shoddy reporting. Was it a hatchet? a logger’s axe? or did the shithead go Full Viking? Whatever, the KiwiGov is going to doubleplus ban it. I think that all restaurants should be closed, to end this vicious cycle of mass attacks on diners. (What? it’s the same argument they use for guns.)
...I first read that as “Anal sex”. Never mind; carry on, nothing to see here.
And speaking of stuff not worth seeing, how about a little INSIGNIFICA:
...sexist bastards.
In in our Paige Three section, someone not Spirinac:
And away we go down the road, putting all this behind us.
Caption Competition #285
Your suggestions in Comments.
3 Bad Things
…about Titanic 5:
- if they ever find the thing and bring it to the surface, what are the odds that there will be ONE guy alive — who killed all the others right at the beginning so there’d be lots of oxygen left to breathe
- when you go on an already-dangerous trip in a vessel built by the lowest bidder
…and finally, from MasterCard*:
*okay, maybe not.
News Roundup
Finally, a few Good News! items:
...more like this, please.
...especially with breakfast, as I’ve always maintained. That said, I’m not exactly sold on the benefits of living another thirty-odd years. And:
...just waitin’ for that Fort Sumter Moment.
...of course, that headline’s an outright lie. Bitch got got busted for forgery (the actual charge). Still, jailing “climate activists”, whatever the reason, is a worthy activity [sic].
...and in Massachusetts, even.
But back to the usual Catalog Of Catastrophes:
...we know all that, Ted. Question is: what are YOU going to do about it?
...and here’s a good example of where to start. And then here:
...gosh, if only someone had written a book about this over a decade ago.
In International Affairs:
...well, we all know the Pals are crazier than rats on PCP.
In Showbiz News:
...”wealthy Black men” would be my first guess.
...although I don’t think that’s quite the “piling on” the old perv envisaged.
...leading to the brilliant British definition of an “influencer”: “A mouthy cunt on Instagram.”
And among the irrelevancies known to us all as INSIGNIFICA:
...and once again, if you actually understand any of that, you need to get a life.
In Sporting News:
...the official NCAA line being: “You can’t get rich by exploiting your bodies; only we can get rich by exploiting your bodies.” And speaking of bodies:
...who she, you ask?
So, back from Amalfi to our dreary reality, thus endeth Da Nooz.
Monday Funnies
For some reason, that pic made me think of the Gummint. Hence the following:
From the despairing New Wife:
And after all that:
Now hand me that can-opener and get on with your day.
Update: From ever-alert Reader and former Army CPT David B. comes this note:
“Just a heads-up. On the lovely ladies in body armor, you indicated you wanted a can opener. My belief is that those are military uniforms, so a P-38 can opener would be the prescribed tool.”