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Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
Green Is Good
…or not really, as The Greatest Living Englishman explains:
DEFENCE chiefs announced this week that British soldiers could soon be given electric bicycles so they can sneak up more quietly (and cheaply) than if they were in a tank.
Yes. But have you ever tried to ride a bicycle in soft sand? Or in a bog? It’s impossible.
So if stealth (and savings) are the main consideration, I have a better idea. Why not give them horses? They are extremely good off-road and won’t short out if asked to cross a river. Plus, most cost much less than a £6,500 e-bike and if properly trained, can move around very quietly indeed. Also, you don’t need to charge up their batteries every half an hour.
And then we could go further and, instead of guns, which are noisy and also expensive, issue our troops with swords.
It’d be the most eco-friendly and modern army in the world.
And it’d lose every single battle it took part in. But in these green and cost-conscious times, it seems that sort of thing doesn’t matter.
FFS, don’t anyone tell the Pentagon about this.
News Roundup
And speaking of rancid and toxic women:
...just the kind you’d want your son to bring over for Thanksgiving, yes? Also, keyword: Michigan.
...that’s okay; when you share custody, you can feed the kid steaks, meat pies and sausages all you want on those weekends.
In Lawn Awduh News:
...hell of a sentence just for shooting a cop who was already dead. Uhhh wait a minute...
...why bother, when the fix is already in?
...that’s not quite what the original headline said, but you get my drift.
...in which, once again, we play “Guess The Race” of all the participants in this ghastly little situation.
...key word: Florida — no wait, California. Hadda be one of them.
In Medical News:
...wait: gout in your cock? What new hell is this? And in the same vein [sic]:
...the one time I think “over and under” would be preferable to “side by side”.
From the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Dept.:
…
From the Dept. Of Tourism:
….funny, I thought that was every Italian city, but I haven’t been there for years.
From the Sports Desk:
...that would be me with baseball, and I’m not even a hermit.
Time for no-link INSIGNIFICA:
...no, I don’t understand any of that either.
This just has to be pissing off somebody somewhere (no link):
...can’t see why, myself.
And that’s the news.
Climate Witch
I’m sorry, but anyone who calls Hillary Bitch Clinton the Drunken Grandma Of Death deserves a read — and the topic is extremely relevant, with all sorts of ecoskeptical goodness thrown in.
Hie thee hence.
Monday Funnies
So here we go. First up, there’s government bureaucracy, as explained by Jordan Coombe:
Waddya expect? It’s MONDAY, FFS. So how about some random PG totty,then?
So listen to Teacher, and get stuck into the week.
“Dear Dr. Kim”
“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I was raised Catholic by my ultra-religious parents. Later on, I married a man who began to abuse me verbally and beat me. I stuck it out as long as I could, but eventually had enough and divorced him.
“I expected my parents to support me in my troubles, but instead they screamed at me for breaking my sacred marriage vows. They were so upset with me, despite the circumstances, that they disowned me from inheriting any of their estate.
“I want to sue them to overturn their decision, so that I can eventually inherit what is properly mine.
“Am I doing the right thing?”
Dear CM:
I am sorry that your life has been a pattern of abuse, both from your parents and from your husband. All three of them are total cunts, and to be honest, you are better off without them in your life.
If you ever talk to your parents again (which I don’t recommend), perhaps you should ask them if they’d have preferred to see you escape your marriage by murdering your husband instead — oh wait, that’s a mortal sin, nemmind.
While I sympathize greatly with your situation, I must nevertheless caution you against suing your parents to get your inheritance restored.
In the first place, only lawyers win in these situations, especially if you lose.
Secondly, this means you’d actually have to continue to be part of their horrible lives, even if only through lawyers.
And finally, let me remind you that as unpleasant as this may sound, your parents are in no way morally bound to leave you anything after they snuff it (hopefully soon, and painfully). It’s their property, and if they decide to leave it all to the Vatican instead (which wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest), that’s just the way of the world, especially for cunts like them.
Frankly, I’d send them a letter telling them that while you are hurt by their cunty decisions — for neglecting their parental duty to support you, and for the disinheritance — you intend never to see or speak to them again, and should they ever need any assistance in their old age, not to bother contacting you. Then don’t answer any letters or phone calls from them anymore.
I know, forgiveness is a Christian virtue and all that. But when a rabid dog bites you, it’s silly to pat it on the head afterwards.
I hope that in the near future you find a decent man to share your life with, and that you go on to have many children — who should never, ever be shared with their cunty grandparents, under any circumstances.
And if you can’t write them that letter, feel free to use this one in its stead.
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