As any fule kno, I’m not much for Hallmark holidays (like today). However, this one’s priceless:
Probably not on United, or else the cabin crew would have given the kid a broken nose by now.
And because I’m relentlessly cynical:
Category: Funny Stuff
Skirting The Rules
So what to do when you’re working outside in sweltering temperatures, but the ‘Elf & Safety regulations forbid wearing short pants? You find a way around the rules:
The brickies — who were working in Chertsey, Surrey — were horrified by new health and safety rules forbidding shorts. But when they realised they could get around the ban by wearing women’s clothing thanks to gender equality regulations, they showed up for work in skirts and frocks. [emphasis added]
And because this story would be no good wifout pichurs:
I love stories like this. Fuck the bureaucrats.
Limited Appeal
Anyone who’s ever battled through translating the old windbag will understand the sentiment:
And if you’re going “Huh?” don’t worry about it. I’m being dorky. Put it down to an early-morning gin deficiency.
Trendy
A new Nordic lifestyle trend has encouraged people to strip down to their underwear when they get home and drink as a form of relaxation.
‘Päntsdrunk’ is a self-care phenomenon that encourages ‘a path to solitary relaxation, recovery and self-empowerment to help you face your future challenges,’ according to a book entitled Päntsdrunk: The Finnish Path to Relaxation.
Hanging around the house in yer undies, drinking booze… round here, that’s called “Every Day”, and we’ve been doing it for decades. Glad it’s finally been recognized for the important custom that it is.
Best Put-Down Ever
In response to that tiresome little prick from Florida:
Priceless.
Good Advertising
One of my favorite ad campaigns of all time was that of Smirnoff during the 1970s. Basically, the formula was a series of ads using the riff of “I thought or did [x], until I discovered Smirnoff.” Here’s one example:
And:
Other examples include:
- “I thought Cunnilingus was the Irish airline, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
- “I thought Wanking was a city in China, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
- “I thought the Salvation Army came from Salvatia, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
- “I thought a ménage à trois was a French dish, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
- “I thought crabs meant soft-shell, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
- “I thought Fellatio was an admiral in the Royal Navy, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
…and so on. The lines could be innocuous like the ones in the pictures, or else as racy as the others listed. Whatever their bent, they were all hilarious, and the theme is actually timeless (the mark of truly great advertising).
Feel free to add your own suggestions on the same theme, in Comments — e.g. “I thought the Clinton Foundation was a charity, until I discovered Smirnoff.”