Category: Bad News

So let’s look at some dirty news.

...keywords:  Washington D.C.

...and of course the teacher “escaped prison”, because female.

...so the little Jock lesbian got at least one thing right… in ten years.

...while millions of starving African villagers could only wish for such a feast.
#TheyStartedTheWar

...so basically, she’s admitting that we’ve already lost our democracy?

...I dunno;  after centuries of neutrality, they have to be out of practice at this “war” thing.

...no, I didn’t get that backwards.  Relax, Jake;  it’s Seattle.

...and no, that’s not a typo.  He failed his examinations, because apparently you’re only allowed to rape elderly patients when not wearing uniform.

...keyword:  Canada.  (Although it’s probably even worse for U.S. college students.)

...because he hasn’t even started menstruating yet.

And as for INSIGNIFICA:

   

...I know, I know:

Well, at least she’s honest.  Unlike all the politicians in the news.

And in other “Men Are Pigs!” news:

...am I the only one who doesn’t care about any of this?

...begging the question(s):  1) why should anyone care about your “problem”;  and 2) how, exactly, do you suggest this change be effected?

In Legal News:

...little late for that, innit?  Should have whacked his pee-pee within 24 hours of the order.

...I would have thought that instant coffee was sufficiently poisonous per se, but I guess not.

In Election News:

...what’s that you smell, Lassie?  A rat?
#MeToo

In Immigration News:

...and in other news, Gen. Custer is having trouble with the Sioux.

...yeah, I bet they’ll just line up for that one.

...here’s the deal:  1) close the border completely, and 2) begin the mass deportations.  Anything else is unacceptable bullshit.

From the Dept. of Education:

...only thing newsworthy about this one is that he’s a White boy, and not Chinese or  Asian-Indian.

In Religious News:

...keyword:  yup, South Africa.

...and you thought it was just the fish-eaters, didn’t you?

From the front lines of SEX WARS:

...and she looks about what you’d expect her to look like:  a houri.

In more INSIGNIFICA:

      

Finally:

It’s now on sale!

(link is embedded in pic)

Don’t say I never do anything for you… and that’s the news.

Now, as for the less-important stuff…

...I’ll take “both” for $400, Alex, but it’s 80% “evil”, and 20% “clueless”.  And in related news:

...gonna sell  give them hi-tech equipment to guard against U.S. missile attacks, no doubt.
#SameAsIran

...nice idea.  Now how about amending it to read “any U.S. citizen” — you know, as per the Constitution — instead of just “journalists”?

...so every time we call attention to or ridicule some government fuckery, we’re “weaponizing” it?
#GuiltyAsCharged

In the Lawn Ordure Dept.:

...keyword:  no, not Alabama;  France.

...nice to see that “PhD” still isn’t a job requirement for criminals.

...never mind moaning about 20 years being “excessive”, asshole;  after what you did to that girl, you should have been executed.
#OnlyInBritain

Hot from the Dept. of Education:

...asks the question, then closes comments.
#TypicalLeftist

In Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...you mean those fires weren’t because of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change©?
#SuppressThisNews

In the Sex Wars Chronicles:

...isn’t this the generation that doesn’t want to see sex scenes in movies?  Somebody’s lying their asses off.

...rookie mistake.  No man should ever do one of those quizzes because they’ve all been designed by women to catch men out.

And now for some INSIGNIFICA:

And in ShowBiz News:

…but that’s not the story.  This is:

...wait:  you mean… Claire’s available now???

 

 

Well, if that’s not ending the news on a hopeful note…

---

Reminder:  it’s Open Mic in Comments.  Play nicely.

And boy, are you ever going to need one of the above to read what follows below…

From the Dept. of Education:

...”scholars”?  People with degrees in “_____ Studies”?  Ah don’ theenk so, Boss.

...wait:  the Austros have over-45-year-olds in schools now?

And further silliness in Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...weaselkeywords:  “could” and “up to”.  Substitute “won’t” and “anything like” to the above.

From the Dept. of Civil Defense:

...here in north Texas, there’s a word for people like this:  neighbor.

In International War News:

 
...and even from the grave, Henry gets a Schadenböner:

... instead of sending them to Ukraine, we’re using missiles on asshole Muzzy terrorists, oh yes.  However:

...because repeating the same failed activity over and over always works in the end.
#TypicalSocialistPolicy

And in a different kind of war:

...and then euthanized like unwanted animals?  Oh please make it so.

Speaking of animals that need euthanizing:

...in which we play the “Guess The Race” game.  Clue:  her name is “Shacoria”.

...she sounds nice.  The story is just wonderful.

...branding?  Too harsh, you say?

...headline may have been edited slightly, to reflect reality.

And in further INSIGNIFICA:

...of course you did, my darlin’.

Finally, in ShowBiz News:

...sex every night and three times a day over weekends?  That’s what I’d do, anyway.

…most children don’t look like what they become,really:

But if I can venture a guess, it’s not the face that gets people’s attention anyway:

And with that, we’ve reached the backside of the news.

And believe it or not, ladies:  it’s the truth.  Unless, of course, she’s so worn out by all the work that she comes after him with a cleaver when he just asks her to make him a sammich.

In Military News:

...wait:  you mean that young White men are actually wanted in today’s Army?

From the Dept. of Health:

…

...wait:  don’t they want us to start eating bugs?

Things Political:

...and even fewer people care what you think about Rand Paul, you RINO loser.

And in ShowBiz News:

...key word:  died.  What’s next:  a mass pee-in on his grave?  Can you assholes leave the fucking guy alone, now that he’s beyond “manipulating” anyone?

In GlueBall Jewhate News:

...because their Arab terrorist compadres hate Israel.  There:  saved y’all the trouble of following the link.  And speaking of terrorsymp shitheads:

...food for thought, fuckwit:  Jews aren’t going to be setting off bombs in your mosque — although if they behaved like your terrorist buddies, they would.

In Global City News:

...keyword:  Birmingham, UK.

...keyword:  see above.

From the Dept. Of Education:

...I think the death penalty — wait, it was a female teacher?  Never mind.

...keep maintaining, sweetie.  Ain’t gonna help.

...you wouldn’t think so if you shopped at Amazon, where it seems that every single fucking item is “Made in China”.

And in INSIGNIFICA:
 

   

...and trust me, you don’t want to see the  link.

Finally, a little stroll down

...wait, Demi is now a GILF?

Ho yuss, as a quick look at some 2023-era pics will show:

At 61, very GILFy, my son.

I think we’ve (un)covered enough news for today.