Busted

I have always wondered why old people are always falling over and breaking hips and such.  This is because for most of my life, I’ve been quite nimble on my feet, and well-balanced to boot.

No more.

I have occasional (and mild) episodes of vertigo whereby I’ll change direction suddenly and stagger a little (no more) in my original direction.  Worse, though, is I seem to have lost my balance and therefore my ability to keep on my feet when tripping, and — given my now-extensive tonnage — I fall to the floor like a sack of rocks.

Which is what happened to me the night before last.  Coming out of a bathroom, I tripped and fell — HARD — onto our uncarpeted floor, landing squarely on my left hip.

Ouch. Fucking ouch.

New Wife, bless her little motherly soul, was quit distraught despite my telling her that I’ve suffered worse sports injuries (true).  She packed me off to bed with Brother Tylenol ES for company, and that was that.

Nothing broken, I’m happy to report, and not even any bruising, perhaps because I immediately packed some ice onto the area.  But sitting is painful, prolonged sitting is worse, and walking after having been seated for a while is worse still.

I feel much better today than I did yesterday, though, in that I haven’t had to take any analgesics for the pain.  I had, I think, a narrow escape.

But lemme tell ya:  this getting old thing isn’t for young people.

15 comments

  1. I have heard, especially from the late great Dr C. Everett Koop, that most elderly actually break their hips and THEN fall. Reverse of what is commonly thought. My doc recommended Tai Chi to improve balance in ageing.

    1. I was going to say the same thing. But, eventually the alternative starts being increasingly attractive. My dad passed this last summer and he was more than ready to go long before his body got the memo that it was time. Even with good palliative care from hospice it was difficult to see.

  2. Here at the Old Folks Home, we’re all well over 70 now, and gravity has become a serious enemy. We are in a constant process of “old proofing” the house. We remove things like carpet runners. We glue down loose bathmats. We make sure there are clear paths past soft-edged furniture. We avoid the places where the dogs might be napping. And any day we might drag a toe on the carpet or as we’re coming through a door, and down we go. And there’s really no way to make a soft landing when you’re 75. We are learning to tuck and roll, to try and land on our butt, not on our head.

    You’re right on one thing: getting old sure ain’t for children.

  3. Hell, I’m only 60 and find myself going ass over teacup from time to time.

    Worst was tripping on a chunk of sidewalk when walking the dogs and falling on my left side, where I’d just gotten my rotator cuff repaired. I was trying not to hit that shoulder.

    Later on, I went for a cat scan about something else. Cancer scan I think. And the doc noted that I have a busted/rehealed rib from that. Not that I didn’t notice, it hurt like hell, but I gutted it out figuring my side was just bruised.

    Not grown old graceful-like.

  4. You’re going to hate this, and I’m sorry in advance.

    You know what happens when you break something and have to go into a “long term care facility”?

    THEY DON’T LET YOU HAVE YOUR GUNS.

    OR GIN.

    If you have diabetes you have a 30% increase in 10 year all cause mortality risk.
    If you have heart disease you have about a 40% increase in risk.
    If you smoke you have a 50% increase in risk.
    If your “cardio capacity” as measured by VO2 max is in the lowest quintile you are at a 250% increase in risk compared with the highest quintile.
    If your physical strength is in the lowest quintile you are at a 450% increase in risk of all cause mortality vs the highest quintile.

    It’s crazy, but you’re better off smoking and exercising a lot than you are to quit smoking and quit exercising.

    Most people don’t “fall and break their hip”, they break their hip and fall.

    Another part of this is that the biggest gains in health are going from the bottom quartile to the second quartile from the bottom, and the second biggest is from that second quartile to the third, so you don’t have to go crazy, just spend a half hour a day doing calisthenics. It’ll improve your recoil tolerance, reduce your chances of breaking a hip or leg bone, improve blood flow to the extremities (including brain and eyes, which won’t *help* your eyesight, but might slow down any further loss), and might help your sex life.

    And it’ll keep you out of assisted living/long term care for a other few years. More guns and more gin…

  5. How does one break their hip, and then fall?
    My pelvis has been fractured in 7 places (once through the left acetabulum) from one fall (collapsed parachute) not after the fall. When I tried to stand afterward my left femur broke and I hit the ground again.

  6. This is serious shit. Get to a neurologist soonest, preferably one associated with an orthopedic clinic. A lot of age-related balance and vertigo symptoms can be treated if caught early on. Lady wife, now 88, stumbled and fell a year and a half ago; hairline shoulder crack, no big thing, but the shakeup was enough, in the course of a year, to require installation of a cerebral shunt and five months (to date) rehab. That’s half a grand a day rehab.
    You really want to avoid that. Get the balance situation dealt with.
    .

  7. My family Doc started as a sports medicine guy. He has always steered me right with treatment with injuries and such. Mostly with targeted exercises and stretching, his advice hasn’t yet failed to produce good results.
    For balance, he had me start standing on one leg or the other for a few seconds, daily. Add more time until you can do it for a minute or more. Now start over and do it with your eyes closed. I was amazed, how much harder it became.
    I have an 18 inch plywood disc with a round knob in the center on bottom. (not so tall to be dangerous) I stand on that to practice balance. It wobbles forward and back, side to side, all at the same time. Great for activating you sense of balance.

    1. I’m going to make one of those !!
      Have long suspected that my sense of balance is fading simply
      because I don’t use it enough ! – no bicycle, skates etc – I just need
      practice !!
      This contraption may just be the simplest answer !
      Thank You

    2. I had the balance problem crop up about 10-15 years ago (I’m 81 now), and I found the solution in a 4-x-wk bike ride that penciled out to 8 miles per circuit. Forcing the brain to focus on the balance of the bike kept me upright, and riding my motorcycle.

  8. The tonnage may be part of the problem. I had similar dizzy spells in my early sixties but at age 65 circumstances (my wife) forced me to lose 60+ pounds, getting me down to 150 plus or minus 2 or 3 pounds.

    The dizziness went away, and surprise, surprise, losing nearly a third of one’s tonnage makes one quite nimble.

  9. One of the best investments of time I made was three months of judo. In the first three months they don’t teach you how to kill anyone. They teach you how to fall without getting hurt. Gravity and I have never been close friends and three hundred and humpty seven serious falls nothwithstanding I have never broken anything. That doesn’t include the multi-multiple times I have fallen off a motorcycle. Why didn’t I keep up with the judo, with my changed attitude the bullies stopped bullying me.

  10. The older you get, the more time you need to devote to planning every every foot fall and where every hand hold is.

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