Not Nice

…nor Cannes, nor even Monte Carlo.  The best place to be on the French Riviera (the Midi, if we’re going to be travel snobs) is none of the above, but at the gorgeous Juan-Les-Pins.

Here’s its location:

You need to get there in late March / early April, because when the season starts, the place fills up with celebrities (they know a good thing, the bastards) and the prices shoot up accordingly.

It is probably my #1 Lottery Destination (depending on when those bastards get their act together and realize that I am a Deserving Winner).  But out of season, even the Hotel Belles Rives is amazingly affordable.

…and that’s the ugly side.  Imagine staying for a week or so in this hotel room:

…with this sort of view:

…with this restaurant (one of two):

…offering this kind of food:

Oh, and did I mention the terrace bar?

Of course, you’ll be wondering if there are any sights to see.  If you can drag yourself off their private beach, you’ll see lots of the following:

…and for your wives / my Lady Readers:

Or maybe you should avoid the sunburn, and just go out at night:


Here’s about what you’d get if you booked now, for next year’s late March into April (2 weeks):

Note the cost of the breakfast buffet… it’s cheaper to walk down the road to one of the many little restaurants in J-L-P and just have a croissant and coffee.

The Belles Rives faces west, so you get lovely sunsets.  If you prefer sunrises (as I do), there’s somewhere else to go, just nearby.

But we’ll look at that some other time.


  1. Oh my! You have opened up many old memories with this one.

    Spent 2 weeks hiking that entire depicted zone in 1979 and stayed with a lady friend that lived up on a hillside of Juan Les Pins. It was a sleepy town back then.

    No muzzies to be seen in Nice or elsewhere and the most risque views would have been the lasses on the beach dropping the bikini tops to get a nice tan. Seems like things have progressed or deteriorated since depending on POV.

    Thanks for the memory jog.

  2. Whenever I see a low price for a Resort Hotel in the ” off season “, my first thought is what do they know that I don’t?

    There is always a reason for low prices. crap shot weather ? everything else is closed ? No staff / poor service? is it Mistral season? General Labor strike season ( it is France after all ). something’s the reason for those prices.

    Then again — maybe it’s just a good excuse to post a few more NSFW photos. keep up the good work!!!

  3. Is it just me that was expecting an ancient land whale to be nekkid on the beach under that nsfw link?

    Made my morning it wasn’t.

    1. Not an unreasonable expectation. Kim has been known to furnish links to a creature called Lizzo. A bitter & hurtful man, is KDT.

      Bitter. And hurtful.

  4. The biggest problem with nude beaches is the bell curve distribution of physical beauty. This guarantees that most of your view will be filled with European grannies wearing only brown socks and sandals. 😉

    Been there. Done that. Still ptsd about it.

  5. We drove down through France with the eldest when they were about 3 (now over 30), taking three days in a clapped out Ford Escort with Irish plates (cue VERY thorough going over by the port authorities on both sides). Down through the middle, then skirting the coast – Cannes, JLP, Nice. Distinctly remember the ladies on the beaches round that area but sadly no chaps. Parts of France were then very pretty to drove through, small local eateries, in the pines, everyone had the same menu, small bites, fabulous boats, lovely weather. Never been again, and now due to their seemingly swarming immigrants, probably won’t.

    It was a time of its own – map reading all the way – no sat nav, no mobiles, no internet.

    Meandered back via Las Palmieres I think it was and then back to Blighty. Felt very adventurous at the time – and probably was!

  6. I spent 2 weeks in Nice doing a fiber modem upgrade at a communications teleport. It was 2 days of work and 12 days of testing where I came to work for about an hour a day. Stupid expensive but worth it but it was a good thing I was on on an expense account. An American accent was like somebody sprayed an aphrodisiac spray in the air.

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