1. First, I check the house number to see if I’m in the right house. I’m retired, I don’t have a wife/gf, so something must be wrong. Second, I try to warn yon lass about the dangers of cooking bacon with so much skin showing. She’ll learn.

  2. In the case of my first wife — check the bedroom closet and under the bed to find where he was hiding. Thats why the bitch is my Ex-wife.

    In the case of the next several girl friends — make sure the gas is turned off, because it looks like dinner is going to be delayed again

  3. At my age it’s been a long time since I had a girlfriend who looked like that. My second wife would come close, but she was much more into displaying her boobs rather than her ass.

    As to what to do? Place hands on those hips, rub up against her and tell her how hot she looks. Anything less and she will be upset that you don’t even notice her anymore.

  4. First thing?
    Turn the gas off. It’s gonna be a while before she gets back to that pan.

  5. Since this is how my wife often cooks, I’d give her a peck on the cheek and ask, “What’s for dinner?”

    I already know what I’ll be eating for dessert…

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