5 Worst Valentine’s Day Cards

(Monday Funnies will return next week.)

Ranked in order of ascending foulness:

Happy Valentine’s Day!  (men to women)

  • …from your love sausage
  • …to the world’s deepest tunnel, from its longest train
  • …I love you so much, I have a pic of your face on the inside of my undies
  • …to my darling Fiona  (and your name is Sally)
  • …now please sign the divorce papers

Happy Valentine’s Day!  (women to men)

  • …and just remember:  no flowers, no annual blow job
  • …to the man I’d most rather fake my orgasms with
  • …to my second-favorite anal sex partner
  • …to the pair best suited to my scalpel
  • …to the father of at least one of our children

Your suggestions in Comments.


  1. A man I used to work with came in on Valentines Day and said his day was off to the usual annual start with his gifts from his wife, a pair of socks and a piece of ass and both gifts were too big.

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