Imaginary Conversations

On my last trip up to Boomershoot, it was just me and the Son&Heir (aged about 16) in the old F-150 FX4 making the three-day-up, three-day-down journey.

On the way up, we drove along Idaho Rte 55:

…whereupon I stated idly:  “I wouldn’t mind retiring to a little cabin up there against the foothills”, to which the Son&Heir replied, “No, you can’t.”

“Why not?”
“Because I’ll still be living in Texas, and I’ll be damned if I have to fly back up here every time I get a call from the sheriff.”
“What do you mean, call from the sheriff?”

And the fruit of my loins (and heir to my gun safes and their contents) proceeded to have the rest of this conversation all by himself, complete with the appropriate accents.

“Jack?  Sheriff Johnson here, up in Valley County.”
“Oh God, what’s he done now?”
“He’s shooting at trucks driving along the main road again.”
“Didn’t we take all his rifles away from him the last time?”
“Yeah, except his .22s.  And he’s using them now.”
“Why this time?”
“He says they make too much noise and disturb his peace.”
“But he’s as deaf as a rock.”
“Can you come up and talk to him?  Next time I’ll have to arrest him, and you know what happened the last time we tried to do that.”
“Is the deputy okay?”
“Well, he doesn’t have to use that walking stick anymore.”

“Dad, you have to stop shooting at trucks from the porch.”
“Why?  I gotta keep my eye in.”
“Well, for one thing, it’s against the law.”
“It’s a stupid fucking law.  Trucks are noisy;  isn’t there a law against making a public racket?”
“Dad, we talked about this last time.”
“And it’s only a little .22 bullet, anyway.  At that range, you’d hardly feel it even if it hit you, and anyway, I’m only aiming at the trailers, not the drivers.”

“Yeah,” the Son&Heir concluded, turning to me, “just tell me that all this could never happen.”

I had no answer.

10 comments

  1. That’s great!!! I almost put coffee through my nose reading that!!

    Second Hand Lions is an inspirational film.

    Thanks for the morning laugh! I needed it

    JQ

  2. Oh, very good! And you say he was all of 16 when he did this. Boy’s a chip off the old block, ain’t he?
    I don’t think I got that smart-assed with my dad until I was in my 20’s, and he didn’t take it as well as you, even though he knew full well we come from a lo-ong line of smart-asses. Good on both of you!

  3. Sadly as a state resident.

    You couldn’t buy a doghouse on a 10’x10′ lot in Valley Co right now without the bed of that f150 loaded down with $100 bills. Its a cool place though, and has yet to get liberaled up like Sun Valley.

  4. I’ve told people that when I retire, I’m going up to Idaho and putting barbed wire around my property, then hanging up signs every 50 feet: “Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.”

    No, that’s not a joke.

    1. Hey DMAn – What makes you think that those of us here won’t consider you one of “them”? Maybe not but one never knows, eh? Such signs are already up; don’t come with CA plates or Biden stickers – we don’t use 22s. Some Texans are OK but we have real winter.

      Just so you know, Idaho’s turning blue mostly due to Boise city. We’re going the way of Nevada; the whole state ruled by one metro area.

      preussenotto: you sound like you’re between Cascade and Donnelly along the lake. 55’s just over the hill from here. Beautiful road but I avoid it on weekends as much as I can – or take the back roads in.

          1. Of course but not up to me to “approve” (but I reserve the right to fume a bit in certain cases though). You planning on moving? You’d do better up away from the Ada/Canyon County area (Boise metro). Places in Owyhee County would make your place seem not so remote.

            Had some California refugees just move in nearby that are more conservative than most (and they acknowledge being refugees – and they changed their plates first thing), but it’s now “Verify, then trust”.

            Saw my first Biden sticker with Idaho plates the other day. Didn’t see those at election time. I also see new “Guns, God, and Trump” flags. Lots of Trump flags still flying.

            Hereabouts I’m considered a centrist. Both coasts I’m considered a rabid right-wing radical. I know some true right-wingers … Good people for the most part; don’t mess with them though. Trouble is, too many refugees from the left-coast are turning Boise blue. As Boise goes, so goes the state.

            A statement on the Boise mayor’s web site:
            “As Mayor, she has led the fight against climate change, setting ambitious goals to lead the city into an environmentally and economically resilient future. Her vision is to create a city that is truly for everyone – one that offers equitable access to housing, living wage jobs, transportation, and a seat at the table for residents when decisions about the future of Boise are being made.”

            Sigh. Boise used to be a nice town. Idaho’s going the way of Nevada …

            Love your essays …

        1. A tale:
          I had to serve jury duty a few years back. Nothing major, a poaching case. The defendant insisted on a jury trial – he was from the city but assumed us’ens in the mountainous back-country would excuse a bit of poaching.

          We were kept sequestered while his lawyer tried to talk him into settling. Took a few hours but he finally did – the lawyer pointed out that while a bit of local poaching may be acceptable, he was from the city and the locals looked upon his case as taking meat from their mouths and stirring up Fish & Game.

          We had him pretty much convicted before the trial began … of course that never happens 🙂

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