Dear Dr. Kim.
I’m a single guy of 37 and I moved back to my mother’s house when I lost my job. Mum has only lived there for three years so I hardly knew her neighbors but we’d chat over the fence during the pandemic.
The neighbors are a couple with three kids. He’s 42 and she’s 40.
One Sunday afternoon while the husband was working and the children were at a friend’s house, she offered me a beer.
As she passed it over, she kissed me full on the lips. I was surprised but reacted instinctively by kissing her back, and I felt so turned on. I think it was the thrill of doing something so dangerous. Then she said: “I’ve been longing to do that for months.”
I was concerned Mum would see me, so after a quick chat I went inside. Mum was watching TV and oblivious to anything I was doing.
A couple of weeks later I bumped into Mum’s neighbor in a bar. She made a beeline for me and whispered in my ear that she wanted more. She said her marriage was all but over and they never had sex any more. She said she’d never forgive him for insisting they put down her cat because it meowed too loudly.
That night we snuck outside for a drunken fondle at the back of the bar.
This woman is seriously hot. She has seen me at my worst, mowing the lawn in my scruffs or sitting on the step with a hangover looking bad, yet she still fancies me.
We’ve been messaging for weeks now. She’s just told me her family are going away this weekend but she can’t go due to her work shifts.
She wants me to go round there. I’m sorely tempted. What should I do?
— Torn, UK
The responsible thing would be to tell her you can’t because she’s married and you’re afraid that if you bonked her and it got out, your Mum would be ashamed and her relationship with the neighbors would be awkward.
You’re not a callow yoot of 18; you’re on the slippery slope to middle age. Take it from me: as you get older, opportunities to bonk willing women die away very rapidly, until one day you suddenly wake up with blue balls and kick yourself, saying, “Damn, I should have shagged that neighbor woman when I had the chance.”
Those are the worst kind of regrets.
My advice? Bonk her once, hard and long. Only once. Then say afterwards, “I feel so guilty because I’ve been unfaithful to the girl I think I’m going to marry.” (Have a picture of some random chick of about 25 in your wallet — not on your phone — and show it to Neighbor Lady.)
That way, she gets a quickie, you get a quickie, but she’ll leave you alone after that, especially if you can conjure up a lady friend (best: who either is or resembles closely the girl in the photo) who can come over to yer Mum’s house to play the part. Introduce her to Neighbor Lady, and hold hands as you walk back inside.
Then, and only then, can you be strong and give her the brush-off should she want a return engagement.
Or you can go with Option A above.
37 and single huh? Hmmm.
I can see danger all over this.
Suppose he gets her pregnant?
Or he catches a disease from her?
Or the husband busts a cap in both their asses?
Don’t shit where you, and your mother, sleep.
There are two places you don’t pee in the pool water, so to speak: your current place of employment and a purchased home. Let’s suppose that The Other Man doesn’t know Wifey is roaming, and gets mad enough to want to do physical harm to you about it. Are you going to send Mom out to explain the situation? Worse, are you going to be able to never go to Mom’s again, lest he see you?
Plus: KIDS. I’m over a decade older and considering re-entering the dating pool (widower). I’ve seen too many people date and have young kids interfere with the process. I would prefer to marry someone nearer my own age this time, but I may well have to look older still, given how many people my age have young kids. I love mine, but I raised them and now look forward to being a grandfather. No desire to be a stepfather to kids at my point in life.
For Mr 37, he faces 3 (or worse, 4, because that biological clock is ticking….) kids out of the deal. No thank you.
Even if you don’t believe that extra-marital sex is sinful, it can be stupid (and this situation has a LOT of stupid written all over it). If you absolutely have to have some, go to singles night at the bar or just pay for it.
The woman is trouble. She’s willing the cheat on her husband and risk her children’s family life because she’s horny and doesn’t take her obligations seriously. Run away and don’t look back. If she’ll betray her husband then no man is safe around her. The risks are far too high, the reward insufficient, and the morality entirely unambiguous: she’s off limits.
That’s my take anyway.
Move out and go FAR away.
This is trouble with a capital ”T’ and maybe a lot of danger along with it !
This has disaster written all over it. Run away from her. She sees you as an easy mark – 37 and lives with his Mum!!! You are a classic victim in her eyes – easily manipulated with sex. Don’t believe anything she says or promises and don’t lend her any money when she asks. …… and don’t think you are her first or only Boy-Toy.
….. and stop living with your mother.
> ….. and stop living with your mother.
Not so easy right now. Covid is still putting a huge crimp on things over here and the number of unemployed is huge and masked by furlough benefits. Accommodation is also expensive.
Run, don’t walk away from that. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze.
Good Gawd man, you’re never more than one app away from low-risk, mutually consented free slickum-for-the-hangum, why add a metric shit ton of drama to the equation?
Run, don’t walk, RUN.
Let us consider.
Neighbor-man is married to a seriously hot woman, and you think it’s HIS idea that they no longer screw?
The thing about the cat sounds like so much made-up BS in an effort to gain sympathy.
Do you REALLY think you’re gonna hit-it-and-quit-it? She’ll make your life, your mother’s life, and the life of the young lady Kim suggests you recruit miserable. And that’s before she sobs to hubby about her indiscretion (which she will make out to have been YOUR idea) and gets HIM pissed at you and your Mom.
Will you regret not doing it in the future? Perhaps, because the only thing you’ll know for sure it that you’ll have gotten laid. Your imagination won’t have run to all the problems it would likely cause.
Seriously, download Tinder or something if you need to get your ashes hauled. Don’t crap where you live.
You guys don’t appreciate the theater possibilities in this situation…
‘…theater possibilities…” No……. too close to home — 1st wife ran off with our mechanic……almost ran them both over in a Trans -Am Paddock…….. but then over time discovered that I was only 1st of a dozen or so ….. good riddance. Lesson learned.
It’s not often I disagree with you, Kim, but this time, nah.
If he’s 37 and a functioning male without a criminal record he should be able to walk into any bar and click his fingers to form a queue of desperate 30 something single mums
I will never understand why a man would choose to sleep with a married woman when there are literally millions of unmarried ones in most men’s vicinity. And to top it off, it’s his next door neighbor?? He is asking for a huge problem. One to be most concerned with is hubby’s reaction when(and bet your ass it’ll be when not if) he finds out. If this cunt is sleezy enough to sleep around, bet your ass she’ll throw it in her husband’s face one night in the heat of an argument. Possibly with a rejoinder on how big his cock was or how she couldn’t stop cumming. Than he’ll be this guy’s problem.
I’m 69 years old and granted I have taken excellent care of myself all my life with much-o exercise like tennis, swimming and biking as well as an almost daily regimen of weight lifting. My diet is also excellent. I have never had a problem finding woman companions nor satisfying them. Right now I am with a gorgeous 61 year old woman, quite possibly the hottest woman I’ve ever been with. Could not be happier. It’s always been fun to start to chat them up even if it goes no where. Could never imagine any of that horse shit online dating.
Some 37 year old loser wondering about doing his married neighbor is 10 million light years from any place I’ve ever been.
Cynical me: tell the neighbour that her wife is coming on to you and wants to have sex.
He’ll divorce her, she’s going to get the house and half his money, and you have a place to live after you take her as yours 🙂
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