Choices, Earlier

With all the brouhaha surrounding the Ginger Prince’s choice of bride and concomitant embarrassment of The Oprah Interview, allow me to highlight a couple of his earlier long-time girlfriends:


I can’t help thinking that either of the above would have been better choices.  But that’s not all.

See, in the old days, the royals didn’t so much find soulmates as diplomatic alliances, arranged by the respective families.  So had the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Windsors followed established precedent, the Royal Ginger would now be hitched to any one of the following, for example:

Princess Alexandra of Luxembourg:

…although I think this multilingual diplomat would have been way over the Royal Ginger’s intellectual punching weight.

Princess Elisabeth von Thur und Taxis:

She’s older than Harry, but then so is Duchess Whinge.

Princess Theodora of Greece and Denmark:

The last is actually related to the current Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, but the royals have never let that kind of thing get in the way.  And she’s also an actress, so maybe that would have given her the inside track.

And had Harry wanted to be all woke ‘n stuff and marry outside the Ango-Saxon tent, there was always an outside chance of an arrangement with Princess Sirivannavari Nariratana of Thailand:

“Princess Siri” would cause all sorts of problems with Apple People nowadays, which just adds to the fun.

In any event, I can’t help but think that hitching up with any of the above would have had a better outcome for old Harry than what he’s tied to now.  And I’m fairly sure the other members of the Britishland Royal Family would agree with me.


  1. Harry’s predicament is just proof that, no matter how high-born a man is, a basic tenet still holds: Men are like carpets. If you lay them well the at first, you can walk on them for years.”

    I’ve got news for The Oppressed Princess: The Royals don’t dislike you because you’re black, they dislike you because you’re American, and likely because you’re a bitch.

    I’m reminded of a scene from the movie King Ralph with the hysterical John Candy. If you’re not familiar with it, the ENTIRE royal family is wiped out in a freak accident, so they find a distant relative to become king:

    Phipps: Sir Cedric! Sir Cedric! Good news. We’ve finally found an heir!
    Sir Cedric Willingham: That’s wonderful, Duncan. Who is he?
    Phipps: His name is Jones. Ralph Jones.
    Sir Cedric Willingham: Is he everything we’ve hoped for?
    Phipps: [embarrassed] Well. He has his strengths and his weaknesses. You see, he’s
    [uncomfortable pause]
    Phipps: American.
    Sir Cedric Willingham: Quickly, Duncan! The strengths!

    1. Minor correction: “King Ralph” starred John Goodman but your point is well taken.

        1. That’s OK. I haven’t seen it. I thought John Candy played a supporting role.
          Goodman as the new king and Candy as a British courtier would be such a hoot they’d have to post nurses in the lobby to take BP before admitting patrons to the theater.

  2. The Imperial House of Japan has several princesses, as well. I believe some are of the appropriate age and unmarried.

    I don’t know much about Harry’s intellect, but he was a JTAC (or whatever the Brits call the guys on the ground who call in air strikes) and an Apache pilot or gunner, I forget which. Given the ability and willingness to go to crappy places and bring scunion on the heads of bad guys, I’ll give him a pass on that area.

    As Mark D. alluded to, he simply lost his head and forgot “Don’t put your dick in a liberal chick.”

      1. So closely synonymous I can’t distinguish the two. A Hollywood actress of ANY notoriety would guarantee either saying would apply.
        A drama mama around the Queen who didn’t like that the first time with her sons. Didn’t Prince Chuckies brother carouse around with a soft-core porn performer? (Actress doesn’t apply, nor does Star).

        1. I think Prince Andrew had a liaison with a girl called Koo Stark. Then he fell int Geoffrey Edelsten’s collection

  3. Funny how the Brits liked us when we showed up with Sherman tanks and GMC trucks to replace their ramshackle collection of rolling junk. I don’t know the name of girl #1 but she looks like a candidate for “Miss Famine”. The Royal men seem to be drawn to skinny women but there’s a line between elegant and anorexic.

  4. The first two scream “Party Girls” and are likely nightmares to live with — always complaining about something.

    Alexandra looks like fun but most assuredly would not be happy with being told to whatever minor events the staff came up with as Harry moved backwards in the line of succession.

    Elizabeth looks like she already has a set of whips and Dominatrix gear — But probably not Harrys deal–

    Princess Teddy would have been a good choice — but again not happy to move down the list.

  5. One as to wonder if any of the noble families would have accepted Harry without a DNA test. His military qualities might not have come from the Windsors.

    1. There is NFW he sprung from Charles’s loins. I’d wager that his biological bona fides, or lack thereof, is part and parcel of him leaving the royal nest. Granted, Her Whingeness has an ass I’d wear like a hat, but I’m guessing he is Sick of Her Shit right about now. Too bad, he’s fucked himself into a corner and the only way through this special brand of hell is to come out as gay. Not totally gay, just gay enough for joint custody and a cozy pied-a-terre in a few capitol cities. I’m sure the Royal Nana would oblige.

  6. Princess Alexandra of Luxembourg:
    She knows the good and bad of being a princess. Looks to be an easy keeper as the horse crowd would say. Besides she brings the full weight and power of the Luxembourg armed forces to the mix.
    The royal family of Thailand is it’s own circus. Stay clear of that crazy.

  7. The lady on the first picture on the right. Not the prettiest of them but omg that is a piece their.

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