Once upon a time, there was a Danish girl who came upon a great deal of celebrity in that she was a.) Danish, b.) rather pretty and c.) a TV presenter in Britishland.  Time (actually quite a lot of time) passed (details below), and she ended up telling her tale of woe thus:

‘I really squeeze in any bits of special loving I can!’ Ulrika Jonsson, 53, says she is enjoying sex in her 50s MORE than her 30s and describes herself as a ‘sexual creature’

The use of the term “squeeze in” is rather unfortunate, because Our Ulrika has given birth to four children (by four different men, but that’s a story for another time and in any event, she is Danish, after all).  Now, Men Of A Certain Age will know that her reproductive activity is likely to have had consequences whereby her pleasure tunnel most likely resembles New York’s Lincoln Tunnel (if you get my drift), hence the irony behind the “squeezing” part.

Also, the fair-skinned Jonsson has always been something of a sun worshipper, which is fine when you’re a Pretty Young Thing, but as the years pass…

Her outer covering is, to put it mildly, more akin to old leather than skin.  Not that this stops her from compulsive Instagramming, albeit with some truly heroic cosmetic / photographic enhancement:

And there’s more here, if you can stomach it:

I suppose that being famous (after a fashion) and being a woman more or less guarantees that Men Of A Certain Type will always be willing to entertain her, so to speak (cf. the ghastly Madonna for another example).   Had she been just an ordinary unwed mother of four kids by four different men, however, she’d probably be reduced to pulling drunk sailors during Fleet Week by saying, “Come to (or in ) Mommy.”

Speaking for myself, the expression “ten-foot pole” is very appropriate.  Your opinions may vary.


  1. Kim you are an insult to every sailor who ever crawled back to his ship full of cheap beer and barbequed monkey. The well worn MS Jonsson might consider a career of sitting on the roof of cathedral to scare the evil spirits away – or to play one of those demons herself.

    1. LTD,
      You don’t fool me. My band played in a couple of sailors’ bars — think of the club scene from The Blues Brothers, with protective fencing and flying bottles — and I SAW the women the sailors went off with. Ulrika is Miss World by comparison.

      1. The rather overweight street walker asks the rather dubious young sailor: Cummon haven’t you ever boarded a heavy cruiser before?

  2. That last pic unnerves me. I admit I tend more towards the slender archetype than the curvy, but there’s a difference between ‘slender’ and ‘bony’. Her shoulders in particular do NOT look right at all.

  3. The ink on these womenfolks is really not attractive to an old man like me, old leather face and creepy jump on the “Ute” person. Lots of mileage and hard use showing up here and they kind of remind me of a woman working behind the bar of a roadhouse place next to a lake in Oklahoma where some of us ended up after a bachelor party in the mid-1960’s. She was a scrawny, washed out, well tanned leather skin, blonde with a cigarette hanging out her lip selling 3.2 beer and from time to time taking drunk college kids to a small motel next door and I was amazed when one of my buddies took the side trip with her, none of us asked him about his experience afterwards and we never spoke of it again, until now. Seeing the boney, Dane kind of reminded me of that scrawny, lizard skin, bar fly, woman of years ago, a sad recollection.

  4. She reminds me of what we used to say was such a bagger you cut your own arm off if you found yourself next to her to avoid waking her up.

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